30 Days and what a trip
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
30 Days and what a trip
I posted for the first time 30 days ago, broken, selfish and pompous. I wrote about how sobriety sucks and what an awful life this must be. I judged the people around me on this board while they welcomed me with open arms. I whined about a drink and my reckless romance with coke. I had my red dress on and was dancing with the devil even in sobriety.
To me I was above reproach and you were here to help me. I chastised some and hurt others. My intentions were vein and disingenuous. To me it was all about me. What a jackass that boy was.
I have been reborn in this process and grown more in the past month than in the past 20 years. They say your emotional maturity stops with partying - I feel as though I just fast forwarded 23yrs from when this curse began.
I can honestly say I have surrendered to god and to this disease. It is this surrender that has brought my marriage back from the brink of disaster to a place where I can begin to rebuild. My wife has been inspired to get clean and sober starting today. I realize for the first time I am not god and my purpose is far greater than JD.
I realize many of you will read this post and laugh - I know this for a fact, I was you 30 days ago. And I was one of the worst. A self righteous type A, @sshole that felt it necessary to flaunt my wealth, celeb parties, fast cars and women on a Board where people have lost everything. Ironically it was in Singapore at F1 in the Ferrari Club that the bratty child I was died and the man I am becoming was born. I realized how misguided I was through the reflection of the sycophants and zombies I surrounded myself with. Today I gave away the gifts bestowed upon me at this event, as I have no use for these items.
For those questioning the arduous road ahead, I achieved my month through a combination of AA (I am working steps 4 and 5 with my sponsor now), a strong support network that includes my sponsor, sponsors sponsor, a mentor, my family but most of all, one of my closest friends I only met 25 days ago here on SR. A woman beautiful on the inside and out.
My message to those of you starting this journey, life exists beyond the drink. Through sobriety salvation exists with honesty, self discovery, and surrender. These drugs had a spell on me and the way I feel now tops any high I had tried to achieve previously.
JD
To me I was above reproach and you were here to help me. I chastised some and hurt others. My intentions were vein and disingenuous. To me it was all about me. What a jackass that boy was.
I have been reborn in this process and grown more in the past month than in the past 20 years. They say your emotional maturity stops with partying - I feel as though I just fast forwarded 23yrs from when this curse began.
I can honestly say I have surrendered to god and to this disease. It is this surrender that has brought my marriage back from the brink of disaster to a place where I can begin to rebuild. My wife has been inspired to get clean and sober starting today. I realize for the first time I am not god and my purpose is far greater than JD.
I realize many of you will read this post and laugh - I know this for a fact, I was you 30 days ago. And I was one of the worst. A self righteous type A, @sshole that felt it necessary to flaunt my wealth, celeb parties, fast cars and women on a Board where people have lost everything. Ironically it was in Singapore at F1 in the Ferrari Club that the bratty child I was died and the man I am becoming was born. I realized how misguided I was through the reflection of the sycophants and zombies I surrounded myself with. Today I gave away the gifts bestowed upon me at this event, as I have no use for these items.
For those questioning the arduous road ahead, I achieved my month through a combination of AA (I am working steps 4 and 5 with my sponsor now), a strong support network that includes my sponsor, sponsors sponsor, a mentor, my family but most of all, one of my closest friends I only met 25 days ago here on SR. A woman beautiful on the inside and out.
My message to those of you starting this journey, life exists beyond the drink. Through sobriety salvation exists with honesty, self discovery, and surrender. These drugs had a spell on me and the way I feel now tops any high I had tried to achieve previously.
JD
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
I'm so proud of you. Happy 1 month! You've worked your ass off. And no amount of money in the world could by you a second chance with your family. I'm thrilled that you are about to hold your wife's hand and help walk her through this journey! Might have to have her join the forum 
All the best to you always!
All the best to you always!
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Great story Jdooner. A great testament and lesson to others as well seeking the same thing you did. A great reminder to me that the most important part about getting sober is honestly and humility. Be well and stay with us.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Thanks Scott...honesty and humility are actually my biggest challenges and risk of relapse. I have also started praying daily for God to give me the strength to make it through each day. I don't want my ego to rationalize that I am bigger than this disease bc I am not.
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