"But you dont drink THAT much"...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth Australia
Posts: 221
"But you dont drink THAT much"...
"I don't think you're an alcoholic"
Anyone had people tell you this?
My husband doesn't think I'm an alcoholic. But he has been concerned at times that I will drink all of his alcohol... I think his version of what an alcoholic is is worse than what I've been presenting.
I come from an alcoholic family and I like to get drunk...
I'm pretty much an alcoholic.
Anyway I'm 4 days sober and I am going to my second AA meeting this week, tomorrow.
I've been to AA meetings here and there and I am a long time alanon member. My big brother got sober when I was 8, my mum also went to Alanon then. I grew up with knowledge of alcoholism.
I have loved drinking since I was 14. I'm 34 now. Been drinking for years and years.
I have two kids now, beautiful baby boys, ages 2.5 years and 6 months.
Drinking is not conducive to being a Breastfeeding, busy, hardworking mum.
I can no longer choose to turn to a couple of glasses of red to cope with screaming babies when I'm exhausted.
Anyone had people tell you this?
My husband doesn't think I'm an alcoholic. But he has been concerned at times that I will drink all of his alcohol... I think his version of what an alcoholic is is worse than what I've been presenting.
I come from an alcoholic family and I like to get drunk...
I'm pretty much an alcoholic.
Anyway I'm 4 days sober and I am going to my second AA meeting this week, tomorrow.
I've been to AA meetings here and there and I am a long time alanon member. My big brother got sober when I was 8, my mum also went to Alanon then. I grew up with knowledge of alcoholism.
I have loved drinking since I was 14. I'm 34 now. Been drinking for years and years.
I have two kids now, beautiful baby boys, ages 2.5 years and 6 months.
Drinking is not conducive to being a Breastfeeding, busy, hardworking mum.
I can no longer choose to turn to a couple of glasses of red to cope with screaming babies when I'm exhausted.
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi. Rebecca.
Congrats on 4 days! Keep it up.
People never even pronounced the word "alcoholic" in my case, none of my friends knew I had some kind of a problem with drinking.
Yet, I had a problem with it, a huge one.
IMHO, it doesn't matter how to call it, what definition to give, and what other people think. Alcohol addiction wears a lot of different masks -some of them are quite pretty - like, first, choosing some good wine in a shop, then making good food to go with it, and looking forward to chilling out with a glass of wine in the evening, It would be fine just like that, but then alcohol unfailingly unmasks itself, showing its ugly face.
Sobriety is great - stick to it)
Best wishes to you. Take care and keep posting.
Congrats on 4 days! Keep it up.
People never even pronounced the word "alcoholic" in my case, none of my friends knew I had some kind of a problem with drinking.
Yet, I had a problem with it, a huge one.
IMHO, it doesn't matter how to call it, what definition to give, and what other people think. Alcohol addiction wears a lot of different masks -some of them are quite pretty - like, first, choosing some good wine in a shop, then making good food to go with it, and looking forward to chilling out with a glass of wine in the evening, It would be fine just like that, but then alcohol unfailingly unmasks itself, showing its ugly face.
Sobriety is great - stick to it)
Best wishes to you. Take care and keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Congrats on 4 days!
It does not matter what anyone else thinks. In most cases it is the family and friends that are calling us alcoholics and we are the ones in denial.
It sounds from this phrase you are not sure yourself.
I admitted I was an alcoholic for many years but I was willing to live with it. When I accepted that I needed help, that is what made the difference.
It does not matter what anyone else thinks. In most cases it is the family and friends that are calling us alcoholics and we are the ones in denial.
Originally Posted by rebeccaperth 
I'm pretty much an alcoholic.
I admitted I was an alcoholic for many years but I was willing to live with it. When I accepted that I needed help, that is what made the difference.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 59
Frustratingly, it's something I hear every time I try to tell one of my friends.
"I don't think you're an alcoholic" or "Easy, why don't you just have one or two?"...
I guess to them alcoholics fit a set list of criteria, e.g. drinking first thing in the morning. They don't understand that drinking for us is an entirely different experience than it is for them, i.e., it is all or nothing to their a good night out. There are two reasons we stop drinking once we start, one is we physically can't drink anymore (passing out, running out of money) the other is there's no way of obtaining more (Shops are closed and you've even finished off your 'emergency' bottles at home).
Oddly, my work colleagues are far more aware, the constant jokes/remarks were actually an indicator that my drinking was a problem. If you're stinking of booze at 9:00AM from last night's "relaxing few" multiple times a week you're definitely not a "moderate" or "social" drinker".
"I don't think you're an alcoholic" or "Easy, why don't you just have one or two?"...
I guess to them alcoholics fit a set list of criteria, e.g. drinking first thing in the morning. They don't understand that drinking for us is an entirely different experience than it is for them, i.e., it is all or nothing to their a good night out. There are two reasons we stop drinking once we start, one is we physically can't drink anymore (passing out, running out of money) the other is there's no way of obtaining more (Shops are closed and you've even finished off your 'emergency' bottles at home).
Oddly, my work colleagues are far more aware, the constant jokes/remarks were actually an indicator that my drinking was a problem. If you're stinking of booze at 9:00AM from last night's "relaxing few" multiple times a week you're definitely not a "moderate" or "social" drinker".
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,242
I don't think anyone else can tell us whether or not we are or aren't, most of the time we hide the true extent so how would they ever really know, they just make a conclusion based on what they see and that's usually only half of what we drink 
.
well done taking control RP, being the best Mummy you can be for your boys xx
. well done taking control RP, being the best Mummy you can be for your boys xx
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 225
Sounds familiar Rebecca but only you can decide if it's a big enough issue that it needs dealing with. But there's no doubt that we can be better parents without being drunk, hungover and worried about drinking. Keep visiting and you'll find lots of support here x
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Glasgow, UK
Posts: 362
Hi Rebecca,
I've experienced the same as you but for me it's the behaviour and thoughts that others don't see and that mark the line between heavy drinkers and 'alcoholics'. It was me being 'sensible' and leaving a night out at 9.30pm so I could buy a bottle of wine on the way home before the off licence shut and pretending to go for the train and then going on to other bars by myself that made me different from my friends
I think it's easy to blend in and not be seen as an alcoholic when drinking is a 'culture'. I pretty much 'got away with it' for almost 15 years. From experience the culture is similar in Australia to what it is here in Scotland. All events are marked with drinks...football team loses, football team wins, bad day at work, good day at work, etc etc. Makes it way too easy to blend in.
I'm glad you've come here for help. You'll get great support, I definitely have. Wishing you all the best with your recovery.
I've experienced the same as you but for me it's the behaviour and thoughts that others don't see and that mark the line between heavy drinkers and 'alcoholics'. It was me being 'sensible' and leaving a night out at 9.30pm so I could buy a bottle of wine on the way home before the off licence shut and pretending to go for the train and then going on to other bars by myself that made me different from my friends
I think it's easy to blend in and not be seen as an alcoholic when drinking is a 'culture'. I pretty much 'got away with it' for almost 15 years. From experience the culture is similar in Australia to what it is here in Scotland. All events are marked with drinks...football team loses, football team wins, bad day at work, good day at work, etc etc. Makes it way too easy to blend in.
I'm glad you've come here for help. You'll get great support, I definitely have. Wishing you all the best with your recovery.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi Rebecca, there are lots of criteria for 'alcoholic' and one of them is if it's affecting your family. So you can call it a drinking problem, or alcoholism or whatever, you know yourself if your drinking is outside normal. I too always loved drinking although I didn't do much of it until I was in my 30s. Then I became a heavy home drinker, well above the health guidelines. And it was getting worse.
I think you're so wise to give up completely at your age and circumstances. I'm guessing it's either stop altogether or keep going at your present level or worse; in itself that's an indication that your relationship with alcohol is abnormal.
All the best - keep it up because it gets better as you go.
I think you're so wise to give up completely at your age and circumstances. I'm guessing it's either stop altogether or keep going at your present level or worse; in itself that's an indication that your relationship with alcohol is abnormal.
All the best - keep it up because it gets better as you go.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,642
I was told I wasn't an alcoholic, or I didn't have a problem, for years....even by my doctor. It finally didn't matter what a single soul said, or what the "label" was. In my heart I knew, and so I started my journey to recovery. No regrets.
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
I never fell into the gutter, crashed a car, lost a job, a partner..or a house come to that.
I even held down a good job and 'functioned'..all the while going crazy inside my head.
Now and again I would wonder if I was an alcoholic, never really considering that if I chose to stop then and there and not have a drink that day or that week I would have been completely unable to because....I was an alcoholic.
Welcome and well done for taking control of the situation!
I even held down a good job and 'functioned'..all the while going crazy inside my head.
Now and again I would wonder if I was an alcoholic, never really considering that if I chose to stop then and there and not have a drink that day or that week I would have been completely unable to because....I was an alcoholic.
Welcome and well done for taking control of the situation!
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 198
This was me.
I even had someone who owns an anti drug and alcohol company tell me that i could not have a problem as i am so perfect, smart, compassionate and i have everything together.
It was a really hard thing to step back and tell someone like that the extent of my addiction. It would have been much easier to just agree with them and continue in my destructive ways feeding my addiction.
I even had someone who owns an anti drug and alcohol company tell me that i could not have a problem as i am so perfect, smart, compassionate and i have everything together.
It was a really hard thing to step back and tell someone like that the extent of my addiction. It would have been much easier to just agree with them and continue in my destructive ways feeding my addiction.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 345
the label "alcoholic" has a stigma, has forever. the stigma of a town drunk, lazy, good for nothing, unkept, disheveled, irresponsible bum. the stigma of mental illnesses carries the same gross mischaracterization in today's culture.
our drinking became unmanageable. it damaged, in some cases destroyed, our lives, our relationships, our view of the world, and our health, but we continue to do it. we try to manage it, change it, moderate it but we cannot. for me, the realization that my drinking was out of control, and there was NO alternative solution but to stop, is when it all became clear, and it didn't matter what anyone called me or what i called myself.
our drinking became unmanageable. it damaged, in some cases destroyed, our lives, our relationships, our view of the world, and our health, but we continue to do it. we try to manage it, change it, moderate it but we cannot. for me, the realization that my drinking was out of control, and there was NO alternative solution but to stop, is when it all became clear, and it didn't matter what anyone called me or what i called myself.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 754
Yep. Me too. Alanon to cope with my fathers drinking...btw, he died from alcoholism. Most people today would not classify me as an alcoholic, but they do not see my internal struggles. I keep telling myself that this is progressive and I do have a crystal ball for this one. Not pretty. Good on you for taking charge while your babies are small.
I also think that husbands and close friends want to wish our problem away because they are afraid it will impact their ability to relax and have a good time.
You are strong. Stick with it!
I also think that husbands and close friends want to wish our problem away because they are afraid it will impact their ability to relax and have a good time.
You are strong. Stick with it!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 642
Originally Posted by happyhour
the label "alcoholic" has a stigma, has forever. the stigma of a town drunk, lazy, good for nothing, unkept, disheveled, irresponsible bum. the stigma of mental illnesses carries the same gross mischaracterization in today's culture.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 227
I completely relate. My husband doesn't think I have a problem... My mom doesn't understand it completely. If I feel I need to quit, that's good enough, I'm coming to realize. Having this forum is helping me stick with it too.
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