gatorgirl67

So I'm on day 10...

I decided to give it(sobriety) a go while my fiance was away on his annual hunting trip, but started early just to see how I would do (we don't live together). The day before his trip(my day 3), he came over to visit and just so happened to bring me a bottle of wine. No bother, I was drinking juice. I had a few callings from the wine bottle on day 4 and 5, later into the evening, but decided to have my juice and go to bed. The bottle is still in my fridge.

Got through the weekend just fine. And this week has been good.

He called yesterday and said that he got his elk and is coming home tomorrow instead of Sunday. I have never discussed my drinking with him or told him I might give abstinence a try. He has never brought up my drinking. We have never had an incident due to drinking. He likes to bring me a glass of wine in the evening. He is a normal drinker, take it or leave it, enjoys a beer or wine.

Kind of weird, driving home today I felt like he is a trigger for me. Because he will probably have wine in the fridge when I go over to his house tomorrow.

History.....his dad was a bad alcoholic, but after intervention, went to rehab and never drank again.

I don't think he would care if I never drank again or did drink again. I just don't know how to start the conversation or even what I want to say. I guess part of me is scared to bring it up, not sure why.

He is wonderfully understanding man, but I came from and abusive past marriage, in which my ex would have used this against me. PTSD I guess.

I could surely skirt around the issue and just not drink, oh hell, I don't know, now I'm just rambling on.

Just so confused now that my mind is clear, how messed up is that!!

Ggirl

lorelei

Hello lovely,

Ok...my take on this, I'd tell him, be honest, if he's seen his Dad go thro rehab, he will know how important it is to support the A.

I think if you skirt around the issue, you won't get the support you need from him, he will keep bringing you wine and not understand on the days you get grouchy cos you're tempted.

If you're getting married, start off on a honest footing with good communication, cards on the table, don't be like many of us who've hidden our illness and destroyed relationships, if he loves you, he will support you, just give him that chance too.

*hugs*
L x

ReadyAtLast

I think you should tell him you have stopped drinking for whatever your reasons were or even for health reasons. If he isn't a big drinker it won't bother him that you've quit.He probably won't even give it a second thought. Normalpeople just accept we've quit for whatever reason. you don't need to go into fullblown confession about alcoholism or anything, just you want to quit for health reasons which isn't a lie. If he is as decent man as you say then he will be totally supportive and probably mortified if hethinks he's a trigger. He won't know unless you tell him though.You're marrying this guy,you need to trust him and trust in him

firstymer

Gator, I too waited until about Day 10 to tell my fiance that I was trying to stop drinking. Her main reaction, once I finally did tell her, was embarrassment and regret that, in the prior 10 days, she had unwittingly offered me a drink, not knowing that I was trying to quit. I am at Day 30 now and she has been incredibly supportive. She still drinks a glass of wine now and then, and that is fine. I have the problem with alcohol. Not her. She says she likes sober me much better than drunk me. So, go ahead and be honest with him. And don't worry so much. I bet he will be proud and supportive. Good luck.

PippoRossi

I'm with ReadyAtLast on this one. Just tell him you've decided to quit drinking and don't bother going into a fullblown confession.

least

I'd tell him too. He sounds like he'd be supportive. Be honest with him.

Kaneda8888

GGirl

I am all for honesty. The results, at times, may be difficult but by being honest, you prevent any chance for feelings of guilt or shame. Two of the primary triggers for drinking.

Having said that, you mentioned something very important which is that his father was an alcoholic and has recovered. This means that your fiance would have an understanding of what alcoholism is and how to support a recovering alcoholic. Hence, the odds are that he would be much more compassionate than the standard non-alcoholic.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever you choose to do

AlefVavResh

I agree. Tell him. You'll be relieved.

bridgeeboo2006

The irony gator. Prob so many of us wish we had ur prob instead of our own. But no matter what shoes we r in...we all know the truth shall set us free. Sounds like he's a great guy. Give him a chance to b just that. And btw thanks for your words tonight.

gatorgirl67

Thanks friends!! You're right.... keeping it honest is the best thing for me and our relationship. It's just that I've never talked to anyone about my fears of my drinking. It's a big step for me. This forum has been very good for me.

See you all tomorrow!!

trail257

"Confused now that my mind is clear". Yup! That's often me now. I'd tell him--he seems like he would understand

gatorgirl67

So today is Day 11 and I'll be headed to his house soon. I went back and forth in my head last night feeling that I was vulnerable to having a glass of wine to night and putting off any conversation with my fiance...justifying in my head that the last 11 days have been pretty easy for me and maybe I don't have a problem (AV alert!?!). But I woke up this morning and just feel better and healthier and a better mom to my kids with these 11 days of not drinking...what could that one glass of wine give me that I don't already feel? So I have recomitted myself to another 24 hours and know I will feel so good about my decision tomorrow!!

Thank you for your all responses!! So lucky to be here with my friends!!

lorelei

well done GG!!!! xx

gatorgirl67

Update...Fiance got back home from hunting trip, already had my new favorite NA drink ICE pink grapefruit. We went to dinner, he ordered a beer and I ordered water...no stress for me about that. Came home and he was exhausted, so we went to bed. No mention from him about me drinking or not drinking. I didn't bring anything up either.

So, he is coming to my house for the weekend, and my AV is whispering in my ear "See, he didn't even notice whether you drank or not, so maybe you think it's a bigger deal that it really is."

So, part of me thinks I don't want to bring it up with him, because I can get a few weeks of non-drinking under my belt and just like my AV says "I made a bigger deal that it really was". And then start back with "one glass every now and then".

But I have been on this site long enough to know how that story ends...so I'm planning to have the conversation with him and just get it out. I really feel like it will be a ton of bricks off my back, but I'm still somehow apprehensive.

Is it the AV in my head saying don't open up to him, because if you do then we can't drink anymore? Sometimes I don't know if it's my thoughts or that dang AV in my head, or maybe a little bit of both!!

Feeling strong one moment and frustrated the next...

360shoes

I can't speak for you but that's exactly what it was for me. I knew the minute I told the people who loved me I quit my butt was nailed to the accountability wall. Nothing more I wanted less than letting them down if I didn't follow through.

Of course I had to want to not let me down more. And I did. That's when I knew I was ready to give it up for good. I did it for me but someone outside myself was important too. I had a selfishness problem so that was actually good in my case.

You can do it Gatorgirl! Just another first in the list of many of moving forward!