Drank again after 53 days sober
 

After my husband bought me a beer the other night, even though I turned it down, I've been thinking about drinking ever since. He just tried to do what he thought I wanted. Now I'm just not sure I care anymore. I didn't drink much. I had 2 glasses of wine yesterday and one today. That's not terrible. I'm not convinced I had a real problem anyway. I had been so proud of myself before. The last time I drank, Aug 1, I was devastated. This time I just don't care and I'm not sure why. I didn't even blink an eye when I went in the store to buy it. The problem is that no one knows about this, and that does scare me a little. :a108:

You drank already again today?

Normal drinkers don't drink every day and obsess over whether or not they have a problem.

May I ask what is motivating you to pick up again ? For me, it wasn't the first time I relapsed that had any consequence but the gradual progression backwards over time that caused the damage.

Its good that you are reaching out for help ! Keep posting and be mindful of your choices, whatever they may be.

I don't feel like I'm obsessing. I just don't know what I'm feeling. I don't know why I don't seem to care right now when I was doing so well before.

Glad you are here talking about it.

Maybe I have been away from support groups too long. I was so excited when I found this site. Now I rarely get on. I missed my IOP meeting last week, and I've never been able to convince myself to go to an AA meeting.

I went through something similar about 2 weeks ago. I had gone about 3 weeks without a drink and then one day I had one and thought that was ok and the next day another one. So I thought I was fine and went to too and ended up on a two week bender. I am now back to 2 days sober and I won't make the mistake again.

I'm glad I got on here also. I hope it makes a difference for me tomorrow. I literally feel no remorse or guilt at all even though I'm keeping it a secret. That's falling right back into my old pattern.

I would suggest erring on the side of caution. I don't know much, as this is only day five going on six for me, but if you're here, you must be here for a reason.

When you first quit did you intend on being done for good? Sometimes feeling good can be a trigger. Even if you don't have a real problem I think it's good you shared it. You owe it to yourself to talk this out.

Same. Bought a six pack of beer after my last sober stint. Thought, hey I'll drink a couple. Next day, I went and got a bottle of whiskey to drink with the remainder of the six pack. Ended up on a one week bender. Woke up last Friday morning, checked my cell phone and wanted to die. Went to get something to eat and was shaky as hell, could barely sit still while they made it for me to take home. Had to call in to work.

Haven't drank since.

I did actually intend to quit for good. I admitted for 10 weeks in IOP that I'm in recovery from a dependency on alcohol. I have no idea what happened. It's true that I've been feeling good so I guess I feel like I can handle it now.

A lot of us feel apathy when we drink again, free2Bsober13. I know I did.

It was like I was resigning myself to being a screw up.

You don't have to resign yourself to anything - it can take a great amount of effort to break that kind of fatalistic 'whatever will be will be' apathy, but you can do it :)

So you don't have any support right now apart from SR?

D

I'd go nuts counting every single day like a lot of people around here seem to do. I try not to think about drinking as much as possible honestly. If I sat around talking about it, obsessing over it, and counting the days I would go nuts too. Try to forget about drinking.


I think about drinking once in a while, and it honestly scares the crap out of me. I used to drink a bottle of whisky a day. That is insane. The longer I go the more nuts it seems. It should scare all of us.

It makes me feel good about myself to count the days personally. That and healthy food... and the occasional piece of candy or bowl of ice cream :)

For a while all I could do was think about drinking. ..whether how I wanted to or that I am glad I'm not. Either way I was thinking about it. Lately I really haven't been thinking about it at all. But I also haven't been keeping up with my sober days. They haven't been important to me like they should be. I'm going to my IOP group this week. That should help. I don't want to tell them, though. So I guess when I say I don't really care, that's not entirely true or I wouldn't have gotten on here for support. I appreciate the support I've received from this.

Sorry to hear about your slip, but I believe you do care or you wouldn't be back here. At least you recognized it and wish you strength on your quit.

Addiction, whether drugs or alcohol, hides in the shadows. It's loves secrecy. You had posted earlier that no ones knows about this. Not sure if you meant your problem or your drinking, but it doesn't matter. Tell the group. Cultivate honesty about your recovery. It goes a long way in defeating the problem.

Good luck.

always be honest otherwise your AV will thrive on your hidden drinking sessions, don't give her (av) anything to feed off, be strong x