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Old 10-22-2013, 11:39 AM
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Maybe look up smart and see if there's one in your area...if you found normal CBT useful. I couldn't get the bottle to phone them again today, too much anxiety so I opted for the next best thing and emailed them and also found out there's 2 other meetings so there'll be 3 a week I could go to.

Having a tough one this evening.
Had some rough talks with the ex and I've committed with my friends I want a sober birthday which is just wanting me to head straight to the shop! I've never had a sober birthday, it's not for a while but

My ankle is ok, crutches are annoying, docs this morning which was just pointless and a complete waste of taxi money... but the pain is a hell of a lot easier to deal with than this addiction roller-coaster.
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Old 10-22-2013, 11:48 AM
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hmmm actually ya know what... screw feeling negative.
I'm sober, I'm alive and I'll have a much nicer birthday
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Old 10-22-2013, 07:07 PM
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Maybe pick up the phone tomorrow and get on to the SMART people as soon as possible. Then you might be able to start working on taking the edge off some of the cravings and negative thoughts you're having.

The sooner the better!

Just because you'll be sober to celebrate your birthday doesn't mean you won't enjoy it. In fact, you might even enjoy it more because you'll be properly with it, you'll remember it and you won't be a wreck the next day.

Would you prefer to enjoy the celebration and the memories than waking up the next day trying to piece together what happened?

What kind of sober thing do you think you might do?
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Old 10-22-2013, 07:21 PM
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Keep posting Twinnings...you can do this - stay sober no matter what. It will get better. I really will.
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Old 10-23-2013, 07:28 AM
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having a good day so far, no cravings at all, I think its the evenings and learning to deal with emotions without booze...
I finally got through to SMART, no reply to emails, but the women I spoke to was literally like... well I just run the venue, nothing to do with smart

Explained about my anxiety and she didn't have much to suggest.
At the moment i'm going, just turn up... and breath... and hope there's no panic attack.
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Old 10-23-2013, 12:15 PM
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I WENT TO THE MEETING!!!!
Feeling fantastic!
Gonna go to the next one friday.
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Old 10-23-2013, 05:56 PM
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Well done! That's a really positive step!

What was it like?

I'm in a cab on the way home from work. I should be home and tucked up in bed now lol. I'm finding it really frustrating at the moment. I keep having to stay for hours after I'm supposed to.
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Old 10-23-2013, 06:09 PM
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It was a bit like a face to face SR!
Basically checked in... said how the week had been.
Then the issues that had been bought up were put on a board and then discussed how to cope with them etc
Then checked out... said what we had in place for the week and what difficulties might face etc.
Was good, the one on fri will be similar apparently and the one on monday is a lil different so im looking forward to seeing what that one will be like too
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Old 10-23-2013, 06:10 PM
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Oh and sorry you have to keep working so late...I hope your getting paid!!
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Old 10-24-2013, 06:20 AM
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I wish I was getting paid for the extra time too! We just got a load of new staff in so I'm training people on my team. Once they're settled in it will be easier.

SMART sounds pretty good. If you're drinking because of stress or problems it helps you deal with them in another way.

I had a huge amount of stress recently. Still have and have had for years and with that my drinking just got worse. It was the only time I could properly forget things and I liked the freedom it gave me in the moment but all the other stuff like paranoia and feeling unhealthy all the time just wasn't worth it anymore.

I go to a councillor who is really good at guiding me into a much better way of dealing with problems. CBT at SMART should be good!
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Old 10-24-2013, 10:08 AM
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Try it out, i'm sure there's loads in London!
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Old 10-25-2013, 10:58 AM
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So I went to another meeting today. Was interesting.
Slightly different to the other, in both good and bad ways, glad I went tho.
Found out about a dual diagnosis group I wouldn't mind going to also.

I haven't been counting the days, just day by day, but I think I'm on about a month sober!
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Old 10-25-2013, 06:14 PM
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What's a dual diagnosis group? It's a shame you didn't like some aspects of the meeting this time. What was different? Keep going though! Don't give up!

I'm still not craving alcohol at all which is good. I just have no interest in it.

I did have a dream the other night where I was in a bar and I was the only person not drinking and my friend gave me a shot and when I said I didn't want it they all started shouting and trying to make me. I woke up feeling really awkward and kind of like I'd let myself down even though it was only a dream and I don't even know if I dream drank the shot or not!

I mentioned it to my counsellor though and we got onto how I felt in different types of social situations and how I felt in them with drink and without drink and I can really see, taking a step back and talking it through, why I started off having just one more drink than other people years ago when I wasn't problem drinking. Doesn't explain how I turned out to be a full on alcoholic but it just developed over time.

Anyway, it helps to have these things to think about. It's already helping me think about certain situations differently and cope with certain things better. I find counselling really helpful if you get the right person.
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Old 10-26-2013, 10:14 AM
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Dual diagnosis is like addiction + mental health

It wasn't bad at all just different vibe I guess.
Today was pretty awesome, I met up with a facilitator, talked for hours and hours, he's getting me into this recovery program starting in a couple of days.
I only have tomorrow as a spare day before it starts so not much time for cravings!

Monday i'm going to another meeting and then I'll be starting there.
Really glad I got the ball rolling with all this, otherwise i'd be sat here struggling still. I feel really positive!

Glad your doing well Croydonlad and the counselling helps. I really wouldn't feel bad about dream drinking!! I do it all the time!! It was a big part of your life, so it's natural to think about it, so natural to dream about it, whether the dream is good or bad is irrelevant. As long as you don't drink in real life, nothing to feel bad about!
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Old 10-26-2013, 02:48 PM
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That's really good! What kind of recovery program is it? A SMART one or an inpatient one?
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Old 10-26-2013, 04:50 PM
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Nah it's nothing to do with smart
It's just a peer led support centre, so it's run by counsellors who've had addiction/mental health problems. You go when ever you want in the day, join in the groups you want to join in on, just go for a chat when you need to or just go use the facilities such as art room, library etc...it's totally down to you to take the responsibility of recovery and use what they have to offer i guess.
If you want to combine it with any other programs like AA or smart or whatever you can, they don't discourage anything, just want you to find what works for you.
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Old 10-26-2013, 05:39 PM
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You seem to have a lot of options in your area.

I've got one AA group close by which I've tried 3 times and couldn't get it. It seemed like such a cold and unwelcoming place. I spoke to another couple of new people who joined at the same time as me and they also felt it was like newcomers weren't welcome. I really tried to talk to existing members and some who had been there for a long time but they just didn't seem to be interested. I did also try other groups which were better but I'm not sold on AA yet.

I've been to my GP, a local addiction place who could apply for funding for you to get you into a private rehab but they admitted they just weren't getting the funding anymore. They'd cut half the other groups they offered and they had nothing to offer.

There's no support groups close by.

There is a lot more if I go into London but with the hours I work it would make it very difficult.

To be honest though, I feel like I'm coping just fine at the moment though. I don't find it difficult or stressful, I don't feel like I'm white-knuckling it, I don't miss or crave alcohol.

My counsellor is really helping as, while he helps with anything and everything, he does focus on drinking and everything that goes with it but I have a clear head now that I'm not drinking and each week I take something from the session that helps me cope and gets me thinking. It really is helpful.

But yeah, I wish I had more options to try nearby because I don't think it will do me any harm and I don't want to relapse. I can't really imagine it now though whereas before when I tried to stop drinking it was all too easy to pick up a drink.
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Old 10-26-2013, 06:52 PM
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Well it was one of my reasons for moving back to a city, I hate small towns anyway, but I was so unhappy and trying to white knuckle it and new there'd be lots more options here. Since I lived here before this group has started... i'm surprised at the amount I can now access... maybe it's also a change in attitude and willingness also making things easier.

That sucks about AA, sounds awful. I'm sure there not all like that, but like you said work makes it hard I guess. If it were me tho, I think i'd be reconsidering work, maybe that's easy to say when I don't have it to worry about, but I think my recovery would come above a job that puts barriers up to access certain support. Have you considered it?
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Old 10-27-2013, 03:51 AM
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Yeah, loads of people in AA said that. One guy in AA said I should consider quitting by job completely and go to as many meetings as possible but I'm single and have bills to pay and have to buy food and keep a roof over my head so it's not like I have the support of a partner either.

Also, the kind of work I do means there is a lot of competition for jobs and I've spent years working really hard to get to the position I'm in. I've got experience behind me now so leaving and coming back might not be as tough as it was when I first started out but there's not many good jobs doing what I do and there's a lot of people trying to get them when they come up.

In the past I've seriously thought about leaving a job to try and sort myself out but I don't feel like I need to do that at the moment.

Basically though it would come down to me leaving a job or working less, draining my savings and, depending how long that lasted, putting myself in possible financial trouble.

Not ideal lol.
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Old 10-27-2013, 07:53 AM
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Twinings: I've been reading your posts and just want to say how much I admire your guts. I'm so happy that you seem to have your recovery underway and that if all goes well you will never have to go through all this again. You've decided to give up slavery in exchange for happiness. Sounds like a fair exchange to me! Good luck and all the best to you.

W.
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