croydonlad

You may not be feeling great but at least you didn't drink because you would be feeling much worse, so you have that to be proud of.

This will all pass in the end and if you manage to do it without drinking it shows that you can be strong.

It may seem easier to block difficult times out with alcohol in that moment but really it only makes things worse overall.

You're doing the best thing you can for yourself by not drinking!

Twinings

Today seems like its been such a waste of time!
Sat doing nothing but thinking about drinking.

I just wanna get to the gym! get on with my new sober life in my new house...
Today has definitely been miserable!

HeadLump

Just read through this thread. I'm sorry you've had a miserable day today, Twinings, but I'm very impressed by your determination! Keep on keeping on and things are bound to pick up - you certainly deserve it

Twinings

Thank you headlump!

croydonlad

Today is a new day! You feeling any better?

Even though you say you've been thinking about alcohol you haven't been drinking so you don't need it. That's a good thing!

SnoozyQ

Hiya Twinings :-)

I really hope you are doing better today . Thinking of you and keep us posted cos we care about you.
You are doing it tough right now ..... But there is help

Stay around us , we know what you are going through xx

Xx

croydonlad

Hi Twinings,

How you doing? Your ankle on the mend?

I managed to sprain mine really badly (it didn't involve alcohol) and I've been using a Zimmer frame we somehow managed to acquire to get around my house. Ridiculous!

It's all bandaged up but is really painful so sleep hasn't been that great but it did result in two separate dreams last night where I managed to blame it on two members of One Direction.

Hope you're well!

Twinings

Hey croydonlad....

Sorry to hear about your ankle!

not being able to eat right cus I can't get to the shop is horrible!
I went to the docs again and they reckon the bone might be infected
Happened before when I broke my arm.
Not sleeping well either - hence being up at 5am!

Not drinking is tough!!!

croydonlad

Bone might be infected? Sounds nasty. Hope they get it sorted!

I've got a weakness in my ankle from spraining it really badly a few years ago. I spent a few weeks unable to walk on it and was hobbling around on crutches and since then I sprain it really easily.

I ordered food online and the supermarket and they delivered it. Have you tried that?

It's good that you're still not drinking though!

Twinings

ooh din't think of that!

What a good idea! been living on take away! heh

Hope your sprains feeling better

Twinings

nice healthy food ordered!

Twinings

urgh today has sucked... firstly my ankle... but then my gf broke up with me on the phone! fairly sure she's been cheating on my for quite some time.....then benefit office said I can't have money any more. Just all keeps coming!!!

On a good note got some healthy food in me! thanks croydonlad.
Still no booze!

croydonlad

That's not the best of days but it's over now. In fact, it's officially Thursday now.

A bit harsh of your girlfriend but sound like you've been having a tough time.

At least you're not drinking though! If you're managing that, that's great!

Twinings

Hey Croydonlad how are you doing?

I can't wait for tomorrow. I've been waiting for it all day!
Because tomorrow, as its monday, I can ring and arrange to meet someone before the SMART meeting I want to go to.
I haven't been putting off going to one I just haven't been able to get about, but now I think I'll be a lil better.
And yes, things have been unbelievably rough/tough/miserable, but i'm still determined.

Treated myself and bought a new juicer.

HeadLump

Enjoy the juicer, Twinings, and good luck tomorrow with sorting the SMART meeting. You've shown such gritty determination in not drinking - things have GOT to start going your way soon. And, boy, you'll deserve it when they do

Twinings

Why thank you headlump!

croydonlad

Hello! You're sounding positive which is good!

It's nice to go to bed sober and have something to look forward tomorrow and know you won't have a hangover.

I've heard of SMART but don't know much about them. I was just looking at their website but I'm knackered now so will look again tomorrow.

Well done on not drinking! You're doing a good job by keeping away from it!

I've lost count of the days now so will have to work out the exact number of days since I stopped but I'm not drinking and I'm not even craving still. It's like my attitude has completely changed. Now I don't want to drink whereas before I don't even know what I was thinking. I knew I had a problem, didn't particularly like the effects of alcohol anymore but still drank anyway. Before when I stopped I would have been gritting my teeth through the cravings by now but still nothing. Strange but good.

Hope you enjoy your SMART meeting!

Twinings

Hey Croydonlad, was just thinking of you and wandering if you were still sober and ok...
Your right, it's the same for me. Well less cravings than normal, i've had some, but not climbing up the wall crazy. Probably because i'm pretty sure i'll die on my next binge, just have that feeling...can't get the thought of vomiting blood out my head. Not that I did, just know people or have read about people who have and just bled to death.

Anywho, so I tried to phone SMART but couldn't get through, i'll try again tomorrow, the meetings not til wed but I wanted to get prepared. If I still can't get through i'll just turn up. For me, it seems a better 'fit' than AA. I may hate it... but I've had CBT therapy so i'm familiar.

Went to a bar today to meet some friends and had a couple of orange juices, one of them got very very drunk and loud and obnoxious. I enjoyed every sip of my juice, left early and ate some nice food

shauninspain

I have been reading through the thread and I'm glad that you're on the mend. The first few posts you made sounded like you had it bad. Like you I would binge on vodka and end up in a total state, shivering on the sofa stinking like a half decomposed rabid dog. I don't know what SMART is, but I hope it helps you. If it isn't for you then it's not meant to be. If it work well, then it was. That's the way I tend to look at things these days. Life is either meant to go one way, or the other. I just ride the wave, and try never to question my alcoholism, or question why something is not working out for me.

Since developing this attitude towards life things have been working out well. I am still awaiting a court decision, that could put me in the slammer for 9 months. And have been living with this for 4 months now. I just wish the authorities could get a move on and tell me. But by riding the wave I am not worried. If I go to jail then I am not going for the altercation that took place recently, but for all the harm I have done to many people through the years. It will be a deserved stretch, as I have hurt many people. Bad Karma, for want of a better word, will be paid for. If I don't go away then I will accept that with equal nonchalance.

What is meant to be will be.

Anyway stay strong and you'll be good (physically). Then the mental stuff will start, and you'll work through that slowly. I think it will take me the rest of my life to work through some of the things I carry. But that's OK.

my agar Kernow

croydonlad

I've had CBT before for depression. It's good stuff.

I never really got AA and I tried a few times. It might work now I apparently have this different attitude which I hope is going to stick around. AA does a lot of good for a lot of people so there must be something right about it.

Well done for not drinking even though you went to a bar. That's throwing yourself in a the deep end for temptation! Be careful!

I've only been to a pub once since I stopped and that was after going to eat out at a restaurant. We sat outside at the pub though so weren't around too many drunk people. I wasn't tempted and it didn't kick off any cravings at all.

Sounds like your ankle is properly better too if your getting out and about!