mmh364

Day 10. Yesterday was a great day. No real cravings. Felt on a natural high. Today my mind keeps going back to how good a glass of wine would taste. I can see myself pouring it, sitting in my favorite seat and the warmth of the first sip. I've kept super busy today to try and drown out that horrible voice in my head tempting me.

soberhawk

It is funny how the mind can create such illusions is it not.

I am not buying into it any more – and the mind has kind of noticed and given up on it.

If I have periods with such temptations I try to have something else to look forward to (for instance what I am going to make for dinner) and replace that with the temptation.

jkb

I feel ya. The main thing is DO NOT DRINK NO MATTER WHAT. At least that is how I stay sober. Play it all the way through and see how that one glass of wine scenario really plays out.

steelmagnolia

Yeah!!!! ...that "first" glass is great!! It's the last one that screws your life to the wall!! Like ruffles...I Couldn't eat/drink just one!!....good love...mags

lommey

wine never tastes as good as sober feels

Mentium

Imagine that wine sinking into your stomach and the alcohol rushing into your bloodstream and making you feel what alcohol makes you feel like and then being filtered out by your liver. And imagine your liver when you have done that everyday over and over again, slowly bloating and swelling then ceasing to function and then.. killing you.

DarkDays

Just play it through, always dull same ole bs with hangovers, anxiety , rotten sleep and obsession.

Dee74

push past that - was that ever really the reality for you ?
think about how most nights ended, or the following morning....

there's a lot more at stake than some rosy nostalgic memory, yeah?

D

advbike

Actually, I have found (from considerable experience with this) that the first glass or two DOESN"T taste very good. Ugh - tastes like pure ethanol if you've been away from it for even a few weeks. Problem is then the next day you follow it up with more and it does start to taste good again. Hard to get back on the wagon until things get really bad, at least for me. So when that thought pops in my head that "a glass of wine would sure taste good right now" I like to remember how bad it's actually going to taste. I no longer romanticize it.

LillianGish

Bingo. You're so right! Thank you for this.

I do miss the whole "experience" of getting a special cool wine glass, picking out a rich merlot from the wine fridge, opening the bottle with my electric opener...pouring. Sigh.

But it never ended well and that's what I try hard to remember.

I'm not going back, but it seems to be some weird grieving process I am going through.

mmh364

Thank you for all of the posts, everyone! Everything you said is 'right on'. I ended up making dinner, cleaning the first floor of my house, and doing some gardening. I would have easily been on my 2nd bottle of wine by now and crying in my glass for being so disappointed in myself. Then waking up tomorrow morning with puffy, bloodshot eyes and being afraid to leave my bedroom to face my family.

Sobersunshine

Funny how the alcoholic mind can glamorize something that was never that glamorous--something that ends with crying and regret. I too, "enjoyed" a nice red wine, but I always ended up drinking the whole bottle and opening another, or switching to whiskey or whatever else was around. And did I really enjoy the taste? Nah, not that much. I was just using my expensive red wine as an excuse to drink. I don't think wine was meant to be gulped lol.

Good for you mmh for not giving in to the cravings and congratulations on day 10!

Bebetter

I agree with you. A glass of wine does sound great - sitting outside on my deck with a cigarette and a glass of red on this cool night? Sounds fantastic. If it could only be 1. The fantasy tries to cut out before I see myself sneak inside for just a touch more. And then again. But I know where that leads, and it is the ugliest mess of a human I've ever been - maybe not tonight, but some night soon. I like my self-respect more than the most expensive red wine I've ever had.

I'm so glad you kept busy and stayed away from the drink. The early days are really hard...

soberclover

Totally get what you are feeling/thinking. What I've learned the longer I stay sober is that that image is pretty cloudy. What has become clearer to me is what will happen should I drink. You may be glamorizing this image because you are still really close to it being so early in recovery. The longer you stay sober the further you are from that glamorized image and closer to the reality of what living sober really is like. And you will want to keep it