Anna

The Newcomers Forum is a safe and welcoming place for newcomers. Respect is essential. Debates over Recovery Methods are not allowed on the Newcomer's Forum. Posts that violate this rule will be removed without notice. (Support and experience only please.)

Please keep in mind that we have many newcomers arrive here each day. Each thread, each post in the Newcomers Forum has a potential to be the first words someone reads when they arrive. A new member may be sick, scared and feeling lost. He/she may happen upon a thread where members are arguing with each other, belittling each other and just plain bickering. What is their opinion of our forum going to be to that person?

I think, by now, most of you know Dee and I (and all the Mods) are volunteers. We all have jobs, families, lives outside of SR. We are not here to remove something you posted in anger, we are not here to solve petty squabbles, we are not here to manage drama issues. We are here to help the boards run smoothly and to make sure that every member feels welcome and safe. We are here to offer support and experience.

foolsgold66

I have a suggestion. A great deal of the forums I post in have a sub-forum generally called 'Outside', that is not visible to google or anyone that is not an actual logged-in member. Rules vary, but these subforums are often used as a place to start or move more 'spirited' discussions about anything, and have less rules. Often they are set up as a 'group' that can be joined or unjoined at will so that even members need not even see the posts if their sensibilities are offended.

Anna

We do not have any Outside/Subforums/Groups.

The purpose of my post was not to find ANOTHER place to argue and bicker.

The purpose of my post was to get back to what we need to do here, which is to help each other on our journeys of recovery.

Impurrfect

I just want to add my 2 cents. I found SR when I was still using, heavily. I didn't get clean right away, so I was a lurker for a couple of years, at least. I didn't sign on until I was 6 months clean.

When I signed on, I had to accept the rules of this forum. It's been a LONG time since I did that, but I do re-visit those rules often as I'm one of the mods here.

I kept coming back to SR because I found people that didn't tell me "you have to do this or that". I found people that told me what worked for them, and allowed me to make my own decision.

I have over 6 years in recovery because of what I've learned here, and I can tell you, I use a little bit of this, that, and everything else.

We are here to help each other recover. No one method is better than an another, in my opinion, as we all have different backgrounds, personalities, beliefs and needs.

I will echo what Anna said - what you post may be the first thing a newcomer reads. I often have to remind myself of that. I don't want someone being turned off from a chance at recovery because of anything I said.

I had to learn a few things when I got here, as in not to say "you should...." I'm not in a position to tell anyone what they should do.

We share what worked for us. We encourage each other. THIS is what SR is about, or at least what kept me coming back.

We are all important, but the newbie is the most important. We can give them an environment where they keep coming back (as I did) or we can bicker, fuss, and fight and that doesn't do ANYONE any good.

Please....can we focus on helping each other by sharing what worked for us, without pushing one method or another?

I ask this as a very grateful member of SR who has a few years in recovery because of the people that didn't push anything down my throat.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Pondlady

When I was a newcomer one of my posts included an experience I'd had with a recovery method. My heart sank when I read a PM from a SR member "correcting" me on my wording. It almost scared me into not returning, I was that sensitive. Let's give our newcomers, the benefit of our experience and our compassion.

24hrsAday

Fandy

Bump...rise to the top.
thanks again Anna.