Day 1...again
 

I've had many day ones. I hope this one is different.

I made it almost 100 days last time. I thought I made it. I thought, "Hey, I don't mind being sober. I can easily handle having just one drink."

It's no surprise that the one drink frequently turned into many, many more, and it's no surprise that all the baggage reappeared...the inappropriate actions, the hangovers, the missed work, the wrecked relationships, the depression.

I thought I could have a glass of wine with dinner, or a beer on a Sunday afternoon. I thought I had gained that strength.

I know now that it's not a skill I can learn. I'm broken that way.

Here's to day one. I hope it's the last.

Welcome CTRL. It happens to many, what's important is you are trying again. What's also important is to figure out what you were lacking in support before that allowed you to have "just one" I use SR as my main support group, but lots of folks here use AA/NA, AVRT, or many of the other methods. You owe it to yourself to find a plan to keep you quit for good, read lots and ask lots of questions to help yourself find that solution. 100 days was a great run last time too, so you know that you can do it.

Welcome CTRL,

:welcome to SR! I'm glad you found us and joined the family. :) Giving up drinking is the best thing I ever did for myself. We are here to support you on your sober journey.

There were a few contributing factors to failing. One, I stopped going to therapy because things were going so well. My therapist probably let me stop going because I lied about how bad my alcohol problem was. I started having "just one" because I thought I had reset whatever issues I had that were contributing to me having more...which is all bologna talk, and I get that.

I signed up for this group because I separately needed some support. I wante to see if there were other binge drinkers out there that gave it up entirely....turns out there are, and that gives me comfort that I'm making the right decision.

It's the times that I had "just one" that were giving me pause. If only I could keep those and lose the binge episodes.

But they are one in the same.

That's the key right there CTRL. Many people struggle for years to realize the connection. Total sobriety is the only solution to alcoholism, regardless of how much we drank when we were actively drinking.

It's not just you....I think most of us fight that fight. Some really intelligent people hang on to those times when drinking didn't get them into trouble. Despite incident upon incident where drinking leads to negative consequences it is amazing how we hang onto those few "in spite of" moments.

And that is where it gets tricky, because when we start feeling better, which set of consequences does the mind of alcoholic go to? The times where we don't have something disastrous happen.

That's the difference between this time and last time. Last time I set up a good network, had a therapist, etc., but I refused to acknowledge that I was an alcoholic. I was just getting rid of the binges.

When I was having zero drinks, everything fell into place. Work, family, health. Except I had a lingering weakness, which was that I didn't respect my disease.

I tip my hat to it this time. It is like 3,599 - 0, in favor of the alcohol.

I quit.

Good for you. Funny thing is in this game, when you quit is exactly when you begin to start to gain on your opponent!

I think the thing is to make sure it's different :)

there's some good ideas here - follow them up ctrl...make this time different :)

D

Thank you everyone for the replies. This is the first time I've ever used a support group, and I can already tell why it is so helpful.

Thanks again. I will post often.

Funny...in so many other areas of my life I am the advice giver...now it's time for me to lean a little on others. Hopefully, in time, I can be someone on here who can give back.

I'm still learning so no advice but I am glad you are here. Welcome to SR!

Day 1 tomorrow, or at least I hope:( I really want to stop and b a better mother and wife! Everyone here does give me hope:) Thank you!

Good Luck ctrl! :)

Hi ctrl. Proud of you for posting what happened.

I thought I could have a glass of wine with dinner too. I'd been sober 3 yrs. the last time I tried it. Off I went for 7 more yrs. of attempting to control what I drank. There is no control. One sip & all good intentions fly away.

Dee often says it's the times we're successful in just having one that are dangerous. Jaynie also said something similar. We feel encouraged by that & try to continue. Sooner or later we find ourselves back in the same old unmanageable mess. It happened to me many times. There was nothing to do but stop all together. It's so much less exhausting. We can get on with the business of living without all the chaos.

Ctrl you are already giving back with your honest admission - and desire to start again. It's inspiring and helpful to those trying to find their way. Glad you are back and reclaiming your life.