Hevyn

I'm glad you joined us Sean. This is the best place to be - with those who understand what you're going through. You can turn it all around and have a great life.

cleansoberSean

Well I have a decent amount of Irish guilt, so I beat myself up and over analyze everything.

lastcallsunday

Hey Sean,
Welcome to the site and congratulations on deciding to quit drinking!
From experience I can say I've been in company conferences where individuals have come close to pulling off the bathroom scene you described and they made it through job intact. Nobody really lost respect for them, as most of us were close to as messed up as they were.
Point being you're probably making the biggest deal out of it of everyone and thinking worst case scenario. Most people will probably have a chuckle and chalk it up to a bad night.

At any rate I'm glad you're here and wish you the best of luck pulling through this!

pattyj

I'm Irish and catholic and beat myself up about everything. A lot of us did when we were drinking. No one is alone there.
I find that when I tell someone I'm sober or am in treatment or quit drinking, their happiness for me overrides anything stupid that I did.
You're an alcoholic, you did something stupid (you aren't alone there) and there's nothing you can do about it but change the future you. Admitting to a problem and working towards getting better is not a feat that many can accomplish. Good for you and you are never given too much too handle. This too shall pass.

cleansoberSean

The line that my boss said to me that is sticking in my craw is that "it would be one thing if you got drunk and threw up in the men's bathroom. But feces in the women's is not normal behavior." As if drinking to blacking out if normal. There's a disconnect. A lack of understanding.

breath

They're going to make a recovery program(completion) a condition for any continued employment. And/or give you a verbal/written warning. Some combination of these, I don't see them terminating someone with an addiction problem(disease) without reaching out in good faith to help. It may also hinge on your length of service and performance record. Best of Luck!......also, speaking from experience, do what they say, take advantage of them and their offer, and start looking for your next job, you will be labeled, and the daily grind of being "that guy" was unbearable for me and I knew that, as someone in recovery, I was better than them and their ethics, morals & judgement and got the heck out; best recovery move I made.

1stepup

Youre doing really well Sean, im regretting running away and not just facing my former employers after the first two days I took off 'sick' as it was no big deal then. instead I drank all weekend then couldn't face the shame on Monday so text in sick again then proceeded to get blackout drunk to forget which led to the same thing happening all that week. Im a terrible worrier and I have to look into this for my future, one drunken incident is no big deal, its when it leads on to chronic alcoholism like I have now then its a problem.

Im can relate to the anxiety though, Im wishing that Id have just gone in yesterday now but I didn't because my withdrawl was so bad I was scared of having a seizure there. So did what I thought was best and said I was too ill to complete the last week of my contract, feel pretty guilty about just not being honest but think after discussing it with my doctor sometimes you've just got to move on and start afresh, there is still unfortunately a stigma to alcoholism especially in uk.

But like you Im finding going to a meeting last night helped realising that regret and remorse do not change a thing they just eat away at us and lead us to drink. And I wasted all of the money I had saved in the temp job on that bender so that's hard to live with but its gone now I cant change it- still hard to live with though!

My heads sill pretty messed up from this last mad bender so im sorry if my post is a bit all over the place. Im scared at times of making a decision so just run away and drink to forget its always 100 times worse when we eventually have to sober up though and that's what Im dealing with now. All the best and keep strong and don't make things worse by drinking on guilt like I did.

cleansoberSean

I woke up today and had this thought of "OMG, what have I done. I've turned my whole life upside down. I am in free fall." It took me a moment to realize the way I used to "fix" things was to hide the problem, deal with any short-term consequences, and ignore the long-term consequences. In short, to return to the statuesque. Well, the statuesque was free fall. As they say, if you want to get out of a hole, the first thing to do is to stop digging. Things are changing in my life, but I'm not longer falling, digging, or going down that rabbit hole.

cleansoberSean

Well I got an email from my boss this evening asking me to come in tomorrow. Nervous, but focusing on the here and now, on me. Whatever happens, I'm working on me first.

hellomynameis

I honestly think you are asking how to face the ppl at work if you do keep get to keep your job - I have faced a similar thing after a binge night of drinking at a company function - here is my suggestion -

Grace- face it with grace. Be kind to those who approach you. Be seriously sorry and mean it. Speak only kind words and do not fear judgement.

Humility - Be a humble man - learn what it means to accept harsh cricitism and do it without a fighting spirit.

Remember, these ppl, your coworkers, they are concerned about you as much as they are probably shocked. It probably isn't the 1st time they have suspected a problem - but they may not know how to respond to you either. You get a chance to make amends at some point to these people as part of the program and that can also set you free.

Regardless of what happens with your job you are in a place and time where you can be humble and accept the consequences of your actions w/ grace.

cleansoberSean

In a practical sense, how do I phrase it? I don't feel it necessary to say that I am an alcoholic, but maybe something like "I am working on personal issues with professional help" or something like. Not sure on this one...

hellomynameis

It doesn't matter what you call it. It is semantics. It's what are you willing to do about that matters.

Nighthawk8820

Sometimes the worst things in life turn out to be a blessing, even if it seems horrible at the time. What happened to you is horribly embarrassing, but its a clear message that just might be what catapults you to sobriety and taking back the reins in your life. Sobriety changes everything!!!! If you stick to it and do the work, while making changes.......in a few years this will be a memory as will how you feel right now. Break the cycle!!!!

cleansoberSean

Well I was given two options: first I could be terminated because of lack of performance, attendance, and vandalism of company property, or I could resign, transfer knowledge, and the company will cover my health insurance through the end of the year. I chose the latter. A giant weight has been lifted off me and I can now really focus on me.

Bal

Aw Sean, Thats a shame , but its good that you have seen the bright side and it will give you more opportunity to focus on your recovery , keep the chin up dude

FourSeasons

Hello Sean, to me it sounds like a blessing in disguise!!! Stay strong!

cleansoberSean

I was driving home from the meeting and thought "gee, I have my whole life in front of me." I don't have to worry about finding a new job while maintaining my drinking and the old job. I am going to be back on the job hunt soon, but I need to get the details of my treatment before I make any plans.

jkb

wow, just read through your thread. Man that sucks. I have made a complete ass out of myself and lost a couple really great jobs in the past because of drinking. I too got to "resign"...uugghh. Stay strong.

Jess

cleansoberSean

Maybe I shouldn't have said anything, but I mention to my former boss about his comment and said "I'd like you to understand that my actions are my own as a result of my illness, this is what alcoholism does. Unless you have gone through it or known or helped someone who has, it's really hard to understand."

1stepup

So sorry sean, its over now though no more worrying about it, the exact same thing happened to me, I text in saying Im too ill to come in and fulfil the rest of my contract, what I really meant was that I only had 1 week left on my contract and I was too ill to come in, like you though boss wants a resignation letter from me, I have two doctors notes covering me for both weeks though so have been advised by him to send them in with a letter explaining I didn't mean to resign, its complicated but I sent that text with withdrawel symptoms and ill. For one week left on my contract I wouldn't have chosen to resign, im stressed to hell about it all as I wont be able to claim ANY benefits for 6 months if it still stated that I resigned. Like you have been to two meetings in two days but its hard to relax until I write an appropriate letter explaining the mistake. The mess we get ourselves in hey!?

Now im clear of alcohol im really kicking myself for just not turning up hungover but at the time thought I was doing the right thing.