Day 3 (sort of) I'm new!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Tucson
Posts: 5
Day 3 (sort of) I'm new!
Still shaky....found this forum because I was getting panicky! As with most people, my whole life has gone to **** because of drinking. I'm 26 and have been an alcoholic for 6 years. Like, a drinking in the morning and then throughout the day kind of alcoholic. At first I was able to hold down a job, as my job was so kind enough to serve the staff alcohol (it was a wine bar-- we were required to taste everything, and I always kept booze in my car). I'd drink all day before work, on my way to work, at work, then after work. This all started because I started up with a guy twice my age who was a severe alcoholic. We lived together and we'd drink together. After much fighting I got fed up and left. I ended up living at my mom's house where I would drink a twelve pack a night. When I ran out of money I moved in with my Dad who was also an alcoholic and we'd split an 18 pack every night. Eventually I moved to another city to be with another guy and then we drank together every night for years before I met a guy at the supermarket (who was also having trouble detoxing and we met in front of the kombucha). I ended up marrying him and running off with him. We met basically on the premise of alcohol. We moved into a home together and immediately began destroying the home everytime we were drunk. We'd beat up on each other and scream at each other every other night. Finally the cops got called and I got arrested for assault. Then less than a week later I blacked out and beat him to the point he had to be hospitalized. Another arrest for assault. We went out camping with our two best friends and I spent majority of the night blacked out and screaming-- so our best friends won't talk to us anymore. I also drove off his thirteen year old daughter because we got drunk on his birthday and yelled and screamed at each other to the point her mom had to come get her and will no longer let her come over as long as I'm around. Essentially he used to just hang out and get drunk by himself, but then I come along we created a hurricane. Oh and then he got arrested for assaulting me as well. We have to sell our home, and I've moved back in with my mom.
Now I miss him terribly all the time, but we've been driven apart by our drunken antics. He's going to move back home to California and I imagine everyone will tell him never to see me again. We love pasionately and fight passionately.
Anyway, everyone always tell me I do things when it's either the last minute or too late. So here I am, while it's too late-- detoxing.
Day one I was puking, sweating, couldn't really move other than the obvious shakes.
Day two, I was feeling a little better- when out to lunch with my nana- trying to hide my shakes. Decided to stay over at her house. Had the tiny sip of whiskey last night. I don't know why, because it didn't do anything-- I just caved.
So here I am the next morning feeling stupid for that-- still shaking, still being panicky--- struggling with all the problems I've caused.
Long story, sorry-- but I needed to get it out somewhere. I'm not really to the point where I'm comfortable going to AA. I don't like going out in public at all these days because of the shakiness. Praying for them to go away because other than that physically I feel fine. Brain's not so fine, but that's to be expected. Anyway, I thought this forum might be helpful. It's helped a lot reading everyone elses stories and realizing that being panicky is just part of with drawls....I thought I was losing my mind. :P
Oh, another thing that's hard for me is he calls me and he's all wasted and I think to myself " well, he's wasted-- why shouldn't I be?"......which was a problem a lot at home. I'd think we were doing really well sobering up together and then I'd start to notice him acting a little funny and I'd find he'd hidden a bottle of cheap vodka somewhere. Not to mention I'd notice he'd smell like an old homeless guy in the morning. He's at the vodka point........I didn't quite reach that, but I've had at least six beers every day for the last 6 years. Usually 9-12 though. :\
I didn't even drink liquor before I met him. My ex would always have it in the house but I wouldn't drink it....but this guy I married somehow got me drinking whiskey. The first boyfriend I mentioned used to pressure me to do shots with him all the time, and so occasionally I would. But not everyday. Oh, and the first boyfriend? He's dead now due to complications of his long term alcohol abuse, even after having quit for two years after being hospitalized. Decided I want to fix things with the husband....provided he'll quit, because if he doesn't once we're reunited it's all going to happen all over again. I don't want to end up dead, but at the same time truly do love my husband. Most times were good times, because most times there was no liquor- maybe a beer or two with dinner, then sleep. Then other times, the binges would start and everything would spin out of control.
I'm rambling sorry. Anyway, happy to be here! I'm just hoping I can keep it up.
Now I miss him terribly all the time, but we've been driven apart by our drunken antics. He's going to move back home to California and I imagine everyone will tell him never to see me again. We love pasionately and fight passionately.
Anyway, everyone always tell me I do things when it's either the last minute or too late. So here I am, while it's too late-- detoxing.
Day one I was puking, sweating, couldn't really move other than the obvious shakes.
Day two, I was feeling a little better- when out to lunch with my nana- trying to hide my shakes. Decided to stay over at her house. Had the tiny sip of whiskey last night. I don't know why, because it didn't do anything-- I just caved.
So here I am the next morning feeling stupid for that-- still shaking, still being panicky--- struggling with all the problems I've caused.
Long story, sorry-- but I needed to get it out somewhere. I'm not really to the point where I'm comfortable going to AA. I don't like going out in public at all these days because of the shakiness. Praying for them to go away because other than that physically I feel fine. Brain's not so fine, but that's to be expected. Anyway, I thought this forum might be helpful. It's helped a lot reading everyone elses stories and realizing that being panicky is just part of with drawls....I thought I was losing my mind. :P
Oh, another thing that's hard for me is he calls me and he's all wasted and I think to myself " well, he's wasted-- why shouldn't I be?"......which was a problem a lot at home. I'd think we were doing really well sobering up together and then I'd start to notice him acting a little funny and I'd find he'd hidden a bottle of cheap vodka somewhere. Not to mention I'd notice he'd smell like an old homeless guy in the morning. He's at the vodka point........I didn't quite reach that, but I've had at least six beers every day for the last 6 years. Usually 9-12 though. :\
I didn't even drink liquor before I met him. My ex would always have it in the house but I wouldn't drink it....but this guy I married somehow got me drinking whiskey. The first boyfriend I mentioned used to pressure me to do shots with him all the time, and so occasionally I would. But not everyday. Oh, and the first boyfriend? He's dead now due to complications of his long term alcohol abuse, even after having quit for two years after being hospitalized. Decided I want to fix things with the husband....provided he'll quit, because if he doesn't once we're reunited it's all going to happen all over again. I don't want to end up dead, but at the same time truly do love my husband. Most times were good times, because most times there was no liquor- maybe a beer or two with dinner, then sleep. Then other times, the binges would start and everything would spin out of control.
I'm rambling sorry. Anyway, happy to be here! I'm just hoping I can keep it up.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: UK (England)
Posts: 2,782
Welcome JunkiePants, you have made a good choice in reaching out for help.There is lots of support here. It might be a good idea to get checked out by a doctor. Detoxing by yourself can be dangerous. Glad you are here. Wishing you well.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Tucson
Posts: 5
Thought about going to a doctor....but I don't want to tell anyone about it. I've made it this far, so I think I'll be alright. I almost called an ambulance on the first day-- I thought I was going to die. Yesterday I was mostly OK and today I'm shaky and my brain's a bit fuzzy but overall I'm not in any pain.
to a great place for support. 
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