Quitting Drinking - Day 1
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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Quitting Drinking - Day 1
I am new to this forum, I spent all morning on the internet trying to find how to go about quitting drinking. I'm not sure how all this works but I just wanted to write about myself and any advise on how I can overcome this would be great.
A little about me, I'm in my mid 20's, I started drinking in 5th grade casually by stealing our friends parents booze and beer. Started smoking weed in 7th grade so didn't get off to a great start. High School I was a party animal but was able to still play football and lacrosse. College was one big blur to me, rarely went to class, basically just drank, smoked weed, and had unprotected sex with as many girls as I could. I got a girlfriend near end of college which lasted longer than any relationship I've been in for just over a year, we broke up because of my issues. I ended up graduating with a 2.03 got by with the skin of my teeth and never learned a lesson.
I graduated an got a nice high paying job in the investment industry, worked for 3 years. Work began stressing me out, just dealing with people in general and I started off drinking during every lunch break then once I went home I hit the bottle. I stayed in shape by boxing and lifting, but over the last year things really started spiraling. I began drinking really heavily close to a bottle a night, would wake up with a hangover pour rum in my coffee an go to work. Id buy nips of kahlua for when I went to Dunkin Donuts pour it in coffee and drink while at work. I would leave work for lunch to go out and drink, then now instead of going out with friends I ignore them and drink alone in my room. I tell them lies saying I have other plans when in reality i just stay in my room crushing a bottle with phone off. In August I finally lost my job and thought I learned my lesson but has only gotten worse. I now spend my time waking up and drinking all night while I bet on football. I have gained 35 pounds since last November and have not got laid for 6 months. I dont even attempt to go talk to girls or friends anymore because Id rather bet on sports and drink a bottle of vodka. The longest streak I ever been on without drinking alcohol since I was 18 has been 4 days. This is because I blacked out, punched a bouncer in the face, passed out on a bench, got arrested, and was hungover for over 3 days where I called out of work and just laid in bed. I have not had a day off in over a year and this is the first time I ever wanted to quit.
My mindset is in the gutter I ****** hate myself. This is my first day quitting I am going to go through with this because I am sick and tired of being a ****** loser. I have a question, I been looking into AA however, it looks like a lot of it is God and all religion oriented. To be honest with you I don't believe in God and never will until I meet the guy so there is no way someone will convince me on that, would AA be any use for me with that mindset?
Thanks,
Marty
A little about me, I'm in my mid 20's, I started drinking in 5th grade casually by stealing our friends parents booze and beer. Started smoking weed in 7th grade so didn't get off to a great start. High School I was a party animal but was able to still play football and lacrosse. College was one big blur to me, rarely went to class, basically just drank, smoked weed, and had unprotected sex with as many girls as I could. I got a girlfriend near end of college which lasted longer than any relationship I've been in for just over a year, we broke up because of my issues. I ended up graduating with a 2.03 got by with the skin of my teeth and never learned a lesson.
I graduated an got a nice high paying job in the investment industry, worked for 3 years. Work began stressing me out, just dealing with people in general and I started off drinking during every lunch break then once I went home I hit the bottle. I stayed in shape by boxing and lifting, but over the last year things really started spiraling. I began drinking really heavily close to a bottle a night, would wake up with a hangover pour rum in my coffee an go to work. Id buy nips of kahlua for when I went to Dunkin Donuts pour it in coffee and drink while at work. I would leave work for lunch to go out and drink, then now instead of going out with friends I ignore them and drink alone in my room. I tell them lies saying I have other plans when in reality i just stay in my room crushing a bottle with phone off. In August I finally lost my job and thought I learned my lesson but has only gotten worse. I now spend my time waking up and drinking all night while I bet on football. I have gained 35 pounds since last November and have not got laid for 6 months. I dont even attempt to go talk to girls or friends anymore because Id rather bet on sports and drink a bottle of vodka. The longest streak I ever been on without drinking alcohol since I was 18 has been 4 days. This is because I blacked out, punched a bouncer in the face, passed out on a bench, got arrested, and was hungover for over 3 days where I called out of work and just laid in bed. I have not had a day off in over a year and this is the first time I ever wanted to quit.
My mindset is in the gutter I ****** hate myself. This is my first day quitting I am going to go through with this because I am sick and tired of being a ****** loser. I have a question, I been looking into AA however, it looks like a lot of it is God and all religion oriented. To be honest with you I don't believe in God and never will until I meet the guy so there is no way someone will convince me on that, would AA be any use for me with that mindset?
Thanks,
Marty
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
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to SR! AA doesn't require a belief in "God" as such, just a power greater than yourself. Some people use the power of nature, the ocean, and so on for their higher power. Go try out some meetings and see what you think.There are other ways of staying sober too. Here's a list of some of the most well known methods.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,534
Marty,
Hi and welcome! You will find a lot of support here and I am glad you are ready for a change and are checking out the posts here on SR. I have not been to AA, so I can't address your question about it, but I do want you to know we are here for you. Best of luck!
Hi and welcome! You will find a lot of support here and I am glad you are ready for a change and are checking out the posts here on SR. I have not been to AA, so I can't address your question about it, but I do want you to know we are here for you. Best of luck!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by least 
to SR! AA doesn't require a belief in "God" as such, just a power greater than yourself. Some people use the power of nature, the ocean, and so on for their higher power. Go try out some meetings and see what you think.There are other ways of staying sober too. Here's a list of some of the most well known methods.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,129
Hi Marty,
There are lots of paths to recovery. I would recommend going to a few different AA meetings to see if you like it. I recommend going to more than one because each meeting has its own tone and ambiance, and it's worth giving it a real good try. That way you've explored your options with that route and your curiosity is satisfied. Best case scenario is you find a great group that fuels your recovery!
I attended AA meetings a couple years ago. At the time, I was angry at the religion I was raised in. So when they would talk about a higher power, I just reflected on what made me feel really good, clean and connected to myself. For me, it was how I feel amongst nature. Also, just in my case, I put off going to AA meetings before that because I was so 'angry' at what I thought 'God' was at the time. I later realized it was an excuse to not face my drinking and that I actually have no idea what God is. I mean, I can't even control my drinking...who am I to analyze theology, haha!
I didn't stick with AA for one main reason: I still had a lot of drinking I wanted to do and I fully intended on drinking my fill as long as I could. I still had the desire to drink, I just didn't want the pesky consequences.
Back to you- besides AA, there are also other ways to recovery. You might really like learning about your addictive voice, the AV. You can even use that in conjunction with AA and other methods. There's a lot to read and learn on this site. You seem very smart, I think you might like poking around here and gleaning what you can from several sources.
The name of the game is not only to remain sober, but to RECOVER. That means learning to not simply be a dry drunk and not white knuckling it, either.
Whatever path to sobriety you end up on, I wish you the best.
Stick around, we all have your back- the AA'ers, the seculars, the hippies, dippies and freaks! We're all here for one reason!
There are lots of paths to recovery. I would recommend going to a few different AA meetings to see if you like it. I recommend going to more than one because each meeting has its own tone and ambiance, and it's worth giving it a real good try. That way you've explored your options with that route and your curiosity is satisfied. Best case scenario is you find a great group that fuels your recovery!
I attended AA meetings a couple years ago. At the time, I was angry at the religion I was raised in. So when they would talk about a higher power, I just reflected on what made me feel really good, clean and connected to myself. For me, it was how I feel amongst nature. Also, just in my case, I put off going to AA meetings before that because I was so 'angry' at what I thought 'God' was at the time. I later realized it was an excuse to not face my drinking and that I actually have no idea what God is. I mean, I can't even control my drinking...who am I to analyze theology, haha!
I didn't stick with AA for one main reason: I still had a lot of drinking I wanted to do and I fully intended on drinking my fill as long as I could. I still had the desire to drink, I just didn't want the pesky consequences.
Back to you- besides AA, there are also other ways to recovery. You might really like learning about your addictive voice, the AV. You can even use that in conjunction with AA and other methods. There's a lot to read and learn on this site. You seem very smart, I think you might like poking around here and gleaning what you can from several sources.
The name of the game is not only to remain sober, but to RECOVER. That means learning to not simply be a dry drunk and not white knuckling it, either.
Whatever path to sobriety you end up on, I wish you the best.
Stick around, we all have your back- the AA'ers, the seculars, the hippies, dippies and freaks! We're all here for one reason!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 821
Hi Marty,
Thanks for sharing all of that. Anyway, I didn't go the AA route either. If you feel it is not for you check out the secular forum. Glad you are ready to quit. It was the best decision I ever made for myself.
Jess
Thanks for sharing all of that. Anyway, I didn't go the AA route either. If you feel it is not for you check out the secular forum. Glad you are ready to quit. It was the best decision I ever made for myself.
Jess
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Central California
Posts: 83
Marty, with a some motivation and the courage to change. Log in as often as possible, offer direction/post to others (regardless of tenure) from your experience and journal your life away.....don't be shy. There is not one member who is gonna say "whoa" you did that?..you have made it...you found your tribe! Get busy.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by Melina
Hi Marty,
There are lots of paths to recovery. I would recommend going to a few different AA meetings to see if you like it. I recommend going to more than one because each meeting has its own tone and ambiance, and it's worth giving it a real good try. That way you've explored your options with that route and your curiosity is satisfied. Best case scenario is you find a great group that fuels your recovery!
I attended AA meetings a couple years ago. At the time, I was angry at the religion I was raised in. So when they would talk about a higher power, I just reflected on what made me feel really good, clean and connected to myself. For me, it was how I feel amongst nature. Also, just in my case, I put off going to AA meetings before that because I was so 'angry' at what I thought 'God' was at the time. I later realized it was an excuse to not face my drinking and that I actually have no idea what God is. I mean, I can't even control my drinking...who am I to analyze theology, haha!
I didn't stick with AA for one main reason: I still had a lot of drinking I wanted to do and I fully intended on drinking my fill as long as I could. I still had the desire to drink, I just didn't want the pesky consequences.
Back to you- besides AA, there are also other ways to recovery. You might really like learning about your addictive voice, the AV. You can even use that in conjunction with AA and other methods. There's a lot to read and learn on this site. You seem very smart, I think you might like poking around here and gleaning what you can from several sources.
The name of the game is not only to remain sober, but to RECOVER. That means learning to not simply be a dry drunk and not white knuckling it, either.
Whatever path to sobriety you end up on, I wish you the best.
Stick around, we all have your back- the AA'ers, the seculars, the hippies, dippies and freaks! We're all here for one reason!
There are lots of paths to recovery. I would recommend going to a few different AA meetings to see if you like it. I recommend going to more than one because each meeting has its own tone and ambiance, and it's worth giving it a real good try. That way you've explored your options with that route and your curiosity is satisfied. Best case scenario is you find a great group that fuels your recovery!
I attended AA meetings a couple years ago. At the time, I was angry at the religion I was raised in. So when they would talk about a higher power, I just reflected on what made me feel really good, clean and connected to myself. For me, it was how I feel amongst nature. Also, just in my case, I put off going to AA meetings before that because I was so 'angry' at what I thought 'God' was at the time. I later realized it was an excuse to not face my drinking and that I actually have no idea what God is. I mean, I can't even control my drinking...who am I to analyze theology, haha!
I didn't stick with AA for one main reason: I still had a lot of drinking I wanted to do and I fully intended on drinking my fill as long as I could. I still had the desire to drink, I just didn't want the pesky consequences.
Back to you- besides AA, there are also other ways to recovery. You might really like learning about your addictive voice, the AV. You can even use that in conjunction with AA and other methods. There's a lot to read and learn on this site. You seem very smart, I think you might like poking around here and gleaning what you can from several sources.
The name of the game is not only to remain sober, but to RECOVER. That means learning to not simply be a dry drunk and not white knuckling it, either.
Whatever path to sobriety you end up on, I wish you the best.
Stick around, we all have your back- the AA'ers, the seculars, the hippies, dippies and freaks! We're all here for one reason!
Thanks for that great post Melina, gives me a lot to think about. I read a lot about being a dry drunk but then I see all these activities people do I would almost rather be a dry drunk. This might seem like a ramble as I do not really know how to explain it:
I'm not a type of guy that enjoys going to movies unless I am stoned
and have nips in pocket. When I go on hikes I typically smoke a blunt when I get to top of mountain and relax,when I watch sports or go to a game I need to drink.I'm not sure how I can enjoy these activities sober. I take a girl out to dinner I've always ordered a beer or a glass of wine. SO lets say if I take a girl out, she orders a drink which always happens..
I order a water or a diet coke, the first question out of her mouth is why aren't you ordering a beer or you don't drink? Now we're 3 minutes into a date and I already have to describe the darkest path she's seen someone take? That would go over well.... I don't know how people adapt to all that or have other activities that don't involve watching paint dry.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by Hypocritical
Thanks for sharing Marty and best wishes to you. Remember, The fool says in his heart,
“There is no God.” Give him a try, you just may be wrong. Wouldn't you really want to know.
Dono
“There is no God.” Give him a try, you just may be wrong. Wouldn't you really want to know.
Dono
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 228
I found a new site today, suggested by Dee, called lifering.org. No religious talk. Go on YouTube and watch a video called "Drugged: High on Alcohol" it's very "sobering"
Welcome and join in the ride with the rest of us. Great bunch of people here.
Welcome and join in the ride with the rest of us. Great bunch of people here.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 97
Welcome, Marty!! You'll find a lot of support here, and though AA is an amazing program and has helped a great many people, it's not the end all be all of recovery. I didn't use it to quit drinking and I've been sober for nearly two months. I just really really reaaaalllly wanted to change my life. This forum has been a powerful tool for me. There is a ton of support here and everyone is sort of in the same boat and has been through the ups and downs of adjusting to life without booze so they offer great advice and perspective. I also have a lot of support from my friends and family. There are some great books listed in the stickies on the forum's main page that are very helpful as well.
That said: I know it's daunting to think of adjusting to life without drinking. Especially if you've been living with pot and booze as the primary element in the "culture of Marty" for so many years. It is a change, but willpower is a muscle of sorts. Every day that passes without a drink, whether you surf the urge or play the tape or any of the other methods for keeping yourself off the sauce and on the wagon, your willpower gets a little stronger. The urges get less persistent and your skill set for dealing with urges gets more finely tuned. It's okay to tell your date you don't like how alcohol makes you feel, which is true. Unless she has a problem with the sauce herself, she won't bring it up again. You don't have to lay it all out on the first date.
I'm glad you found the site, and I wish you success and good health.
That said: I know it's daunting to think of adjusting to life without drinking. Especially if you've been living with pot and booze as the primary element in the "culture of Marty" for so many years. It is a change, but willpower is a muscle of sorts. Every day that passes without a drink, whether you surf the urge or play the tape or any of the other methods for keeping yourself off the sauce and on the wagon, your willpower gets a little stronger. The urges get less persistent and your skill set for dealing with urges gets more finely tuned. It's okay to tell your date you don't like how alcohol makes you feel, which is true. Unless she has a problem with the sauce herself, she won't bring it up again. You don't have to lay it all out on the first date.
I'm glad you found the site, and I wish you success and good health.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,129
I'm not good at dating advice, I'm only good at not drinking right now.
And watching paint dry. And watching my skin get better. And putting on a little weight from a lot of ice cream. And avoiding drunk people and situations. And not worrying about what drinkers think of me. And examining my anger and irritations so they don't turn into full on triggers. And trying to find a job. And drinking a whole lot of chamomile tea every night. And trying to find myself under all that alcohol I poured into me from over thinking and feeling anxiety and sadness and everything I wanted to escape.
See? There's plenty to do, Marty!
That was all tongue in cheek, yet true for me. Worrying about what some one might think of me not drinking is a sure fire way to talk myself into a drink.
I've read something here on SR that might help you. Because I think you're over thinking and getting a little ahead of yourself here.....
'Chop wood, carry water.'
Chew on that a while, it helps calm down the hamster wheel of over thinking for me sometimes.
What I'm trying to say is work on getting sober through whatever means feel good and positive to you. The dating thing and figuring out how to enjoy sober activities will come.
I hope this helps, I mean it all in the best way!
And watching paint dry. And watching my skin get better. And putting on a little weight from a lot of ice cream. And avoiding drunk people and situations. And not worrying about what drinkers think of me. And examining my anger and irritations so they don't turn into full on triggers. And trying to find a job. And drinking a whole lot of chamomile tea every night. And trying to find myself under all that alcohol I poured into me from over thinking and feeling anxiety and sadness and everything I wanted to escape.
See? There's plenty to do, Marty!
That was all tongue in cheek, yet true for me. Worrying about what some one might think of me not drinking is a sure fire way to talk myself into a drink.
I've read something here on SR that might help you. Because I think you're over thinking and getting a little ahead of yourself here.....
'Chop wood, carry water.'
Chew on that a while, it helps calm down the hamster wheel of over thinking for me sometimes.
What I'm trying to say is work on getting sober through whatever means feel good and positive to you. The dating thing and figuring out how to enjoy sober activities will come.
I hope this helps, I mean it all in the best way!
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
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Hey Marty and welcome. I am not in AA but there is a great AA saying (there are a lot of them), take what you want and leave the rest. SR is an amazing, supportive community, and has helped me enormously. It gives me a place to share, to vent, to laugh, to know that I am among my peeps who are also struggling with alcoholism and addiction. Just like the general population there are a mix of personalities and ideas here, which is where the above saying comes in handy.
Getting sober isn't easy, if it was, you wouldn't hear about it, we would all wake up one day and say, man drinking is totally causing my life to go to s****, I am not going to drink "that way" any more. The problem is, at least for me, I don't have a choice. I don't want to sip wine I want to chug it. I would order one and tell the waiter to keep my glass full. I think of it as the disease of "more". If you find yourself nodding your head when you read other people's posts it's because a lot of us find that there are a lot of similarities between us that we can relate to. Trying to do this alone is brutal. Hearing about what worked for others who were in your shoes (and believe me you are not unique) helps. I hope you stick around, there is a lot of positive and good energy to be found......take care!
Getting sober isn't easy, if it was, you wouldn't hear about it, we would all wake up one day and say, man drinking is totally causing my life to go to s****, I am not going to drink "that way" any more. The problem is, at least for me, I don't have a choice. I don't want to sip wine I want to chug it. I would order one and tell the waiter to keep my glass full. I think of it as the disease of "more". If you find yourself nodding your head when you read other people's posts it's because a lot of us find that there are a lot of similarities between us that we can relate to. Trying to do this alone is brutal. Hearing about what worked for others who were in your shoes (and believe me you are not unique) helps. I hope you stick around, there is a lot of positive and good energy to be found......take care!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 2,294
Marty, there are many paths to sobriety, I did not use a 12 step program but many have and found it worth it. They reference God, but there is also the concept of the Higher Power which could be the fellowship of your AA group or another person or just a belief is something stronger than yourself.
whatever road you take, you have made a tremendous first step. Sober life is so much more rewarding yet also challenging as you can not hide in the fog of booze or drugs.
Check out the various forums here, there is even an online AA style meeting on Thurs and Fri at 8 central. Lots of help, lots of support and lots of folks who have been where you are at.
Take care, Congrats on the brave choice you have made.
whatever road you take, you have made a tremendous first step. Sober life is so much more rewarding yet also challenging as you can not hide in the fog of booze or drugs.
Check out the various forums here, there is even an online AA style meeting on Thurs and Fri at 8 central. Lots of help, lots of support and lots of folks who have been where you are at.
Take care, Congrats on the brave choice you have made.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
Marty, if you are committed to staying sober, you will find many supportive, knowledgeable people here at SR who are willing to help. I am relatively new to SR, having been a "functional alcoholic" who drank, on average, 10 drinks every night for the last 20+ years. I haven't had a drink since I joined SR, 28 days ago. Others on this site are better at giving advice than I, so I will say only one thing to you: If you commit to staying sober, and if you ride out the very difficult first two weeks or so, IT DOES GET BETTER. Moreover, virtually every problem that you cited in your first post will either go away, or be dramatically reduced by your being sober. Finally, as to the women not respecting your decision to not drink, ask yourself, wouldn't you be more attracted to sober you than to drunk you? My love life has gotten so much better during my relatively brief period of sobriety. The rest of my life has improved dramatically, too. Good luck. And welcome.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,359
some great advice here Marty 
whatever support you end up using, the main focus has to be on not drinking.
The rest is just the support mechanism that makes that easier to maintain.
glad you found us
D
whatever support you end up using, the main focus has to be on not drinking.
The rest is just the support mechanism that makes that easier to maintain.
glad you found us
D
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by KDBnSLC
I found a new site today, suggested by Dee, called lifering.org. No religious talk. Go on YouTube and watch a video called "Drugged: High on Alcohol" it's very "sobering"
Welcome and join in the ride with the rest of us. Great bunch of people here.
Welcome and join in the ride with the rest of us. Great bunch of people here.
Day 1 is already tough I'm starting to shake so I went for a walk, an goin to boxing in hour an half. Hoping I wear myself out beyond exhaustion that I just pass out.
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