Trying to get it together
 

I've been reading this sight for a while now. Tonight I decided to join. I need help. I have been thru rehab 6 times now. I don't have the courage to go back. It is kaisers out patient. Same nurses, doctors. I feel ashamed and know they see me as abusing detox. I truly want help. So scared, I'm at my bottom. My drinking is scaring me. I'm out of control. My heart is wanting sobriety but I've been drinking so long, my entire adult life that I don't know how to deal with life issues, pressures. I don't want to make excuses but from age 20 when my father died and age 25 my mother turned her back on me, all while raising 2 babies....I lost it. I drink in secret, so I can sleep. I want to sleep all the time. I don't recognize myself anymore. My right side hurts after heavy binges. I feel crazy doing the very thing that is making me sick. I love being sober when I am,but then I start to feel uncomfortable in my skin and the slightest thing causes me to plan my drink after a few weeks of sobriety. I don't know how to get past the 2 week mark as dumb as that sounds. My husband is a normal drinker and does not understand. He thinks I can drink like him. So there is the bottle of wine for show, so he can monitor my drinking and then there is the hidden wine he does not know about. I hate this lying, sneaky, person I have become. Is there a safe way to wean without rehab so I can clean up and get into AA?

:welcome to SR! I tried to wean myself off drinking many times but was never successful. Can you see your doctor for medical help in getting safely thru w/d?


You can turn your life around starting now. We are here to support and encourage you in your sober journey. :hug:

You don't need to "clean up" to get into AA. All you need is a desire to stop drinking and it sounds like you have that. JUST GO!

Hi, the desperation I see in your post has hit me hard; it reminds me so much of how I felt.
That's exactly why alcoholism is do dangerous; we behave in a non-sensical way.

Would it be too difficult to do inpatient rehab? Outpatient didn't work for me. Are you seeing a counsellor at all? It seems you may need to deal with some emotional stuff that is underlying the alcohol problem. I wasn't able to stop drinking until I deal with my emotional traumas; everytime they came back to me it was too painful and I drank to numb that pain.

I really feel for you; you will find lots of support here, please reach out for it and use it

Absolutely the truth ! Find a meeting near you and simply go. The rooms will be open and welcoming to all who want to stop drinking.

Welcome to SR.. Hugs to you .. I have not much clue about AA but as other friends have mentioned, you have desire to quit. That is good enough .

Regarding weaning off, sorry to be upfront but 100s of years of data proves that peole like us can not control Alcohol. No matter what stage we are in. It is always progressive for people like us. Tapering just does not work. I always try to remember my signature, as follows.

Welcome TL33, I know you've tried detox/rehab before we're you ready? I think if you're here you are. Get yourself a concrete plan for today. At the top of that plan is two things. Make an appointment with GP. Give them full disclosure of drinking history. And get a list of several therapists. You sound like you're carrying around a whole lot of pain. With no real coping mechanisms. We all understand how frieghtening and overwhelming this is. Use this site often to unload get hope and to help us.

Reaching out here today can help you to finally get it together:)!

Thank you to everyone who took the time to respond. My task for today will be to go to a meeting. I need this. I am scared. This is my bottom. I had night sweats all night, dizzy brain, and insomnia. I really don't have the courage to walk back into out patient and can not do inpatient because of work commitments. I thank God I joined this site last night. I will be checking in everyday. It will take me some time to learn to navigate this site tho. I really appreciate all of your feedback. I am in pain and have many issues I need to deal with.