13unluckyforsom

How do you move on from loss and the empty feeling?

It's been nearly 5months since I lost this person - their not dead I just can't be with them. Its really been playing havoc with my anxiety and I'm overwhelmed at times through out the day I don't know what to do or how to deal with this sadness.

I think my anxiety is coming from the dilemma that isn't even an option because it would mean I didn't get to be with my kids so it's really not a choice but yet I keep trying to figure out how I can have it all. Basically. And I can't. My choice is made. I'm being a mother to my kids and I just need to know how I can get over this.

Thanks in advance.

least

Throw yourself into being a good mother to your kids. Try not to focus on what you've lost, but on what you have now.

Melbell

I can relate to you! I had to break up with my alcoholic boyfriend in July cause I want to be healthy and don't want my kids growing up with an alcoholic mom and her boyfriend. I know that if I'm with him I won't be able to stop. Its really really hard though. We still text each other even though we haven't seen each other in 2 and a half months and I think that that makes it harder. That too is dwindling off and I know I just have to let go but there is still a sadness that envelopes me as we did have some great times and he could be a really good guy. SOOOOO I feel your pain. I just have to remember that life will be better down the road with me on my own and that I WILL get through this. I hope that you can move on also.

Good luck and peace.

Melbell

Anna

Yes, being a mother trumps everything else in life. You need to be there for your kids. Being a mother is the hardest job ever, but your children need you and you will feel so much worse if you let them down. Try to have faith that things are working out the way they are meant to.

13unluckyforsom

I know - I know I just have to get on with it and focus on what I do have - I think I just had to share this somewhere. I can't talk to anyone about it. I hate this feeling though. I wish it would go away. I worry that it never will.

foolsgold66

Have you broken off ALL contact with this person?

13unluckyforsom

Yes last I spoke to him was 6weeks ago. And I don't even think he replied - I can't remember I was drunk.

13unluckyforsom

This guy isn't the problem. Such a long story and I don't even feel safe to speak online about it to be honest. Hence the sketchy details. It's just a mess. An incredible mess I'm trapped in whichever way I go. Either way I lose something.

digdug

Stay strong, 13unluckyforsom.

I know exactly what you mean when you described that empty feeling.

My ex girlfriend broke up with me when I was hospitalized 6 months ago. So I had to deal with the breakup and being newly sober in rehab. It took a while to accept that we just can't be together.

What's helped me is just been focusing on my recovery. You can do the same for you and your kids. And the better I felt in sobriety, the less empty I felt about her.

I actually saw her in the park last weekend while I was meeting with my sponsor. He even said hello to my ex's friend (he had no idea that person he knew was there with my ex). It was awkward. It hurt. But I didn't drink over it. I'm so glad my sponsor was there.

Just keep sharing about it, even if you leave out the details. They aren't important. It's how you're feeling inside.

Wish you the best!

13unluckyforsom

That must have been really hard for you, I admire your resolve to your own health to not 'drink over it' well done.

It gives me a slither of hope that ill get over this. I have to - for me and my children - I don't know how or when I'll get 'there' but I have to huh?

I feel like I peeked inside someone else's Christmas present - thought it was mine and then told 'we don't celebrate Xmas' it could be yours if you were someone else lol

Threshold

Hugs 13, it's hard.

I've had some really huge losses in the past several years. Some made me feel like I might not even be able to take another breath the sense of pain and frustration was so overwhelming. I tried a number of things to make the pain go away, but the best thing was to keep moving forward. Didn't erase the pain immediately or entirely, but many of the losses I really have moved on from.

Looking back, with different perspective (some of it merely because I experienced even GREATER losses after the early ones) I see them differently. On a day to day basis things are mostly OK. There are times a song or memory will bring up a fresh rush of loss and frustration, but it's not pervasive the way it was, not crushing. A rough hour or day here and there, and a quiet lingering sadness at times.

As long as I don't do anything stupid or destructive over it, and keep moving forward into the life I have, with the people I have, things get better.

13unluckyforsom

I am struggling with the quiet persisting lingering sadness - it won't go

ImperfectlyMe

It will go. Sometimes loves lost seem so much bigger then they were. We only remember the great moment, year for the way we were. You will get through this and time will really heal those wounds. Let yourself grief and if there really is no potential set it free.