Weasel1966

Hey fallow! Check in and say hello.

benice

Fallow...I get it. I was doing great. Counting the months. Saw it coming and gave in. Stayed away for a while but I'm back and still trying to wrap my head around it. The mind games are tough. Convincing yourself that you are ready is tough. Wishing you strength for the journey and hoping you stay on the journey...and that I do too...

FourSeasons

Hello Fallow, 3 days shy of 9 months is a major league accomplishment. I am sure you learned a lot about yourself during this sober period. No one can ever take that self-discovery away. Come here often. It really does help!!

Toffee1

Exactly the samr thing has happened to me in the past got to 6 months and then drank. Can't even remember why maybe it was a sunny day! Who needs a good reason right. You get complacent think you have beaten it but really it is still there just waiting for you to make a mistake.anyway hope you learnt something from this MINOR setback.other posts are right nobody can take those 9 months from you.you may have lost this little battle but make sure you win the big war!

Fallow

Good question what am I thinking. And hello. I am thinking that its a bunch of mental gymnastics. I'm not giving up but I've not yet decided to return to recovery full on.

That AV is a real situation to deal with.

Its a Monday. I'm not drinking this week. I'll see how I feel next Monday

hypochondriac

I don't understand Fallow... Why wouldn't you want to return to 'full' recovery? Wasn't there a real reason why you quit in the first place?

Dee74

I tried that. It's like trying to stay out of a greasy pool, fallow - I kept slipping back in.

You and I know the only way to do this is to decide in or out.

D

wakko

I quit drinking for four years but I always had a thought that I could drink normally. WRONG!!!! Within two months I was up to a fifth a day and what followed was four years of asolute hell.

Fallow

Yes there were lots of reasons I quit. Relationship problems, Legal problems, Health issues and more.

I don't want to be fully abstinent because I like drinking. I enjoy it. That's the honest truth. Since I posted here last I did a week sober and I have drank on a few occasions. I allow myself up to 3 drinks. Last night I had 1 margarita with dinner. I could have drank more I had plenty here but I didn't.

I went to bed. I was tired.

It is a little confusing to me based on what I've been told but I don't think I have a problem moderating now even though I did in the past.

doggonecarl

This so rarely ends well. Perhaps for you it's different.

Good luck.

ReadyAtLast

I'm really sorry you think you can now moderate Fallow. Maybe read your first ever post here and try and remember how bad things were last December. Look what you had to lose then and look what you have to lose now-you 've got a new baby on the way. That's a great incentive to get sober.

Moderation is just an illusion. Ok you had 1 drink-you openly admit you wanted more. It's only a matter of time before you have more and more and more. There's only 1way this ends up Fallow

Bird615

After 30 years abstinent, I thought I could moderate, that after all that time, maybe I didn't have a problem anymore.

And I did okay first, but it sure didn't last. I spent 19 months trying to "get it" and just before my last binge I thought I had.

Had 2 beers one night. The next night I had a few more than 2, but no bad affects the next day. There, see? I could do it!

The next 2 nights and a whole afternoon after that ended up being another blacked-out binge. This time, I almost missed work again, my hands were shaking, my heart was racing and I felt like sh**. I found SR that day.

Sure I like drinking, I liked the way it made me feel after those first few drinks, but the price I have to pay for that is just not worth it to me anymore. I am finally convinced once again, that I can't control alcohol.

Maybe you can do it.
If you can't, you will be brought to that realization sooner or later, but what will it cost you?

hypochondriac

If you could moderate successfully you'd have done it by now, naturally, without having to control yourself or have an allowance...

Once a pickle you can't go back to being a cucumber. The brain doesn't forget how to process large amounts of alcohol.

I am not going to pretend this post hasn't upset me fallow. It has. I don't like to see you struggle. But also from a completely selfish point of view, I was/am a minimiser of gigantic proportions when it comes to drinking and I get to thinking well if you can drink why can't I? And then I remember, I can't. Which means you can't either. So now I am worried.

If you can drink again moderately then great. But I suspect this is part of the same cylindrical dance so many of us do before something awful happens

jaynie04

It's amazing how selective the alcoholic brain is, it is something we all share. I think that is why you hear a resounding chorus of "don't do it". I have barely 3 months and already I have to struggle to remember why I quit.

In spite of years of evidence to the contrary my mind goes to the good times, even though there really weren't any at the end.

It's like alcoholic minds have their own built in marketing and advertising department. Our minds prop up the images we want to see and dissolve the reality. The one part that floors me is how quickly things fall apart when we go back out. I didn't realize that. But the stories I have read here have continually held that evidence up to be true.

My mind doesn't want to hear that, I want to be different. I know I'm not.

ru12

Fallow,

People are concerned because we know so many people that tried to moderate and just couldn't. I know for a fact that some people can do it, but most cannot. Whatever you decide, be careful. Stay within strict limits and never be too proud to just walk away from it if you get in over your head.

Fallow

I have no intention on upsetting you or anyone else Hypo.

This is where I am now for better or worse. My struggles with drinking are no secret. I think the idea that those who moderate just do so naturally is not always true. My wife is a normie. I will probably never drink just like her. She opens the wine bottle drinks half a glass and lets the rest go bad. I am not like her but I don't believe that proves I cannot learn to control my intake.

The past few weeks I have drank when I wanted and I haven't had more than 2 drinks in a sitting. I've been able to control it and enjoy it...

I know there is concern about this type of thinking here. I certainly don't want anyone to be triggered or think they can moderate based on anything I do.

I post my experience here mainly for me. So I can go back and read how I felt at this time. What was happening. So if things go wrong I can realize what's happened.

I don't have too much pride to quit if things go wrong.

foolsgold66

I don't think 'nobody' can moderate. I just think the odds are damn poor (100:1) for the average drunk so would never suggest it.

I wish you well.

I choose not to drink today.

Dee74

I wish you'd go back and read your old posts Fallow.
That's the truth right there.

D

hypochondriac

The past few weeks... what about the rest of the.. how old are you? I am 32 and from the first time I drank from age 12 I can count the number of times I have had just one drink on one hand.

I don't 'think' anything about moderate drinking. It is an oxymoron to me. I can't see the point really. To me sobriety is so much more than just not drinking. Can I ask what your wife thinks about your moderate drinking? Have you not noticed improvements in other parts of your life since you last quit? To me those things are worth way more than the odd drink.

Please don't think I am against you in this though. If you can be happy doing this then that is all that matters. It's just there are a lot of horror stories out there about exactly this situation which can't be ignored x

ReadyAtLast

I also wish you'd go back and read your posts Fallow

What really really scares me is that you genuinely,truly believe you can moderate and be a normal drinker

I've got to ask the question,and in no way do I mean you are unwelcome but why on earth would a normal drinker need/want to come on to SR to record anything? Maybe deep down you know you do have a problem.

That's assuming you are capable of making thatdecision at the time and you're not ill,dead, lost your wife,children, job, house, health etc,namely everything you hold dear

I know it seems like I'm gettign at you Fallow but you are my sober date buddy. I hate to see you go back out and genuinely seem to believe you can drink normally, Please read your posts last Dec and see if you think the same.