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-   -   I slip again :-( (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/308293-i-slip-again.html)

ACT10Npack 09-21-2013 08:08 PM

I slip again :-(
 
I went out a few days before my birthday. I just turn 31 and I got so drunk and keep drinking for 5 days straight at hotel. Send over $1300. Not working at the moment and someone took some of the money and Don't know what to do. I will get my last pay check which is over $2700 but don't know when I will get it yet.

I feel dumb and stupid. Why I always to this to myself. Stop 2 days ago drinking but I can't keep making myself fail. Why can't I not take the first drink. I was nervous just before I started drinking.

:react

Dee74 09-21-2013 08:13 PM

sorry to hear that Act10N.

do you have plans to do anything different now?

D

Mizzuno 09-21-2013 08:14 PM

You already know how to get sober and stay sober. I am glad that you have made it back to the forum. Do you need face to face support to get back on track?

ACT10Npack 09-21-2013 08:15 PM


Originally Posted by Dee74 (Post 4194611)
sorry to hear that Act10N.

do you have plans to do anything different now?

D

At this point no, I need to recover my body before I can do anything. Most likely Monday I will start.

ACT10Npack 09-21-2013 08:18 PM

Sometimes, I think why should I try. I'm a failure and it's been going on since late 2008.

Sorry I'm just really depress now.

Dee74 09-21-2013 08:22 PM

The thing is I've seen you try the same thing over and over...

you go on a bender, you stop, you go ok for a while, you stop posting here,and then you think that a night out or few drinks won't hurt....

It's a really vicious cycle, R.

You're not a failure - you keep trying.... :)

but it's a 100% certainty, for any of us, that if we keep doing the same things, we'll get the same results.

D

ACT10Npack 09-21-2013 08:30 PM

Dee74 you're right but I try many things, AA, SOS, SMART and group therapy but I don't seem to stay with it. I get depress and want to drink. I also get lazy at times, it's my thinking process.

I do surrender with depression and anxiety. I may need to go back on it.

SkyeSea 09-21-2013 08:31 PM

Action, you're bound to feel depressed at the moment - you're still withdrawing. You're not a failure, just trapped in a cycle that you really CAN get out of :)
I don't know your circumstances, but I found volunteering at the local homeless shelter, a GREAT help, as at least I had a roof over my head and it also showed me what like could become like, if I carried on the way I was going. Once I had, had a drink, even bills, would be put to one side as ' other people had worse debts ', in my drunken mind.
Have you thought about doing some voluntary work? Something that changes day-to-day life to give you a brand new beginning? :)

ACT10Npack 09-21-2013 08:33 PM


Originally Posted by SkyeSea (Post 4194650)
Action, you're bound to feel depressed at the moment - you're still withdrawing. You're not a failure, just trapped in a cycle that you really CAN get out of :)
I don't know your circumstances, but I found volunteering at the local homeless shelter, a GREAT help, as at least I had a roof over my head and it also showed me what like could become like, if I carried on the way I was going. Once I had, had a drink, even bills, would be put to one side as ' other people had worse debts ', in my drunken mind.
Have you thought about doing some voluntary work? Something that changes day-to-day life to give you a brand new beginning? :)

I did it a few years back when I was living in Florida.

SkyeSea 09-21-2013 08:35 PM

How did you find it? Did it make a difference do you think? :)

Imabuleva 09-21-2013 08:36 PM

I'm only on day 2 myself. The best advice I can give is avoid all situations where alcohol is available and constantly post on SR. Maybe with a hobby you can do at home (that's not a trigger) at the same time. Hobby --> SR --> Hobby --> SR (repeat).

Other than that, I've been stuck in the same cycle as you. Just this past Thursday, my brain felt like your avatar. Please hang in there.

ACT10Npack 09-21-2013 08:38 PM


Originally Posted by SkyeSea (Post 4194661)
How did you find it? Did it make a difference do you think? :)

I was on probation for a DUI. So I did it at the animal shelter.

SkyeSea 09-21-2013 08:41 PM

Oh I love animals :) I bet that was rewarding :)
I'm only on day 5 myself after a slip so am bouncing ideas around myself on how to
avoid it happening again.

ReadyAndAble 09-21-2013 10:03 PM


Originally Posted by ACT10Npack (Post 4194623)
I'm a failure and it's been going on since late 2008.

Man, I know that feeling. But don't forget this:


Originally Posted by ACT10Npack
I just turn 31

I was over 40 when I finally quit. So from where I sit, even if it's only Day 3, you've got me beat by years. :) All that failure nonsense is just part of the addiction, one of the ways it tries to pull you back in. Yes, you've got a serious addiction, and it's going to take some serious commitment to kick it (and serious thought to that lingering question of a plan). But the good news is you're alive, you're here, and you still have most of your life ahead of you.

Good for you, stopping the slide before it went further. :)

MN81713 09-21-2013 10:16 PM

I am so new and only a few days in after several of hundred dollar weeks of doing the same thing and then broke having to lie to loved ones to either get another bottle or keep the lights on...I am trying my hardest and determined to beat this beast!!! I keep this site (SR) up almost 24 hours a day, even when I am in the bed, in case I wake up and just read the threads, I don't usually comment as I am so new but can relate to your pain.....when it gets so bad I need one on one I go to chat...that helps me a lot as well...I wish you the best....

instant 09-21-2013 10:16 PM

Feeling good is a trap- I set myself up so many times, started drinking without even thinking about past that.

I think there is a mindset when we have not been drunk for a while- it is easy to forget the pain, and so easy to go with the flow or get into party mood.

There are always places to go and people to drink with. There will always be the open invitations, and special occasions. We cannot take ourselves out of the equation.

rowd44 09-21-2013 10:38 PM

with every relapse you learn and build. My relapses have been important as I have learnt how important self awareness becomes, how you feel and be able to deal with this before picking up the drink. I was told, the last thing we do, if pick up the drink. There was a lot of crap leading to this drink that wasn't dealt with. I already knew well in advance I was going to relapse and planned it. Remember, your sobriety date starts over, but you don't. You are learning and building. The key: don't give up. Who cares, 5 days of drinking...you probably dranks for year. Get healthy and get plugged into recovery. Recovery is daily so make sure every day you are expose to recovery...meetings, the web, reading Big Book, reading about others in recovery, hand out with people in recovery. Get in the middle of the boat so when the sea get rough, you don't fall off...take care!

Jeni26 09-21-2013 11:18 PM


Originally Posted by ReadyAndAble (Post 4194772)
All that failure nonsense is just part of the addiction, one of the ways it tries to pull you back in. Yes, you've got a serious addiction, and it's going to take some serious commitment to kick it (and serious thought to that lingering question of a plan). But the good news is you're alive, you're here, and you still have most of your life ahead of you.

Good for you, stopping the slide before it went further. :)

Good to see you back and willing to give it another go. I know you've tried lots, but how about picking one method and sticking with it? Post frequently, let us know how it's progressing. That way, you're not only helping yourself, but will be inspiring others along the way.

As RAA says...you have the rest of your life ahead of you. Time to stop thinking of the past and focus on your future. By the time you get to my age you could have 17 years of sobriety...

Best wishes to you x


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