StopTheCrazy

I don't know if I am an alcoholic. I just know that I put too much energy into drinking. Way too often I find myself thinking about when/where/how I'll have a drink to relax/boost confidence/get energy. And when it does happen, it rarely stops with one, or two...or three.

I have 2 young kids, a supportive husband, a great job and close family and friends.

Yet I feel like I'm known as the 'fun one' at work who will always get a little tipsy at happy hours or provide a good story after a (drunken for me) work outing. My friends know me as the happy drunk who gets silly, will dance and make people laugh. My husband and I have always loved trying new beers and fancy dinners with wine and champagne. Now that all the siblings are older, family events mean bonding over drinks and more drinks.

If I quit drinking I'll no longer be the fun one. My friends will think I'm boring. My husband and I won't have that connection. And I'll be the odd one out in my family.

But, this is all the more reason why I want to stop. I'm more than a drinking partner. I'm not a wino. I have a personality separate from liquor. It's not always "5'o clock somewhere".

I want to reach the destination, but the journey scares me.

Imabuleva

No one can tell you if you're an alcoholic but you and/or your doctor. I would recommend finding one or two recovery books and figuring out whether or not you fit the profile.

Also if you're here, you obviously want to change something about yourself whether or not you're an alcoholic. I'm a recovery baby, but i know I can't moderate and that's why I have to quit.

Hang around here. There is a lot of helpful discussion.

Dee74

Hi StopTheCrazy

I was a rock musician...I definitely was defined by my drinking...the thing is I wasn't happy.
Getting sober and staying that way helped me discover the real me

I discovered I'm not actually a party guy after all - I dunno what you'll discover but it can never be a bad thing to discover the authentic you

I find a sense of lasting peace and comfort now I know who I am and now I'm living a life that reflects that

D

Hevyn

Welcome StopTheCrazy. You found a great place to discuss your concerns.

I think it's good you're taking a look at your drinking pattern. I wish I had before everything turned into an unmanageable nightmare. It was fun once, but I grew way too dependent on it. In the end, alcohol ran the show - I was completely out of control every time it was in my system.

I hope you'll continue to read and post. We're glad to have you join us - hope it helps to be here.

Melina

StopTheCrazy-

You know it's time to stop the crazy.

I was the fun one, too. The life of the party. Until people stopped inviting me to parties because of how I behaved.

Then there were others that kept me around because I could be counted on to be the most wasted so they could feel better about their behavior. As long as they weren't as bad as me, they could do what they wanted.

I also romanticized alcohol. That's your addictive voice. I've been learning a lot about it here on SR. I would look into searching out AV and decide for yourself what makes you romanticize alcohol and your role as the good time girl. There's also amazing ways here to learn how to quell that voice.

No matter how important you think your role is to drink and be the 'fun' one, it doesn't spell out anything positive for your future.

PS. My Mom was exactly the same way. As a child, it was embarrassing and awful watching her play the clown and see her friends roll their eyes yet still egg her on. Kids notice everything. She died two months ago from the results of a lifetime of being the life of the party. Before she died, she begged me to stop drinking. She told me 'alcohol is NOT YOUR FRIEND.' 19 days ago, I decided to see if she was right and I put the bottle down.

Ask yourself what alcohol has truly given to you or enhanced in your life.

Welcome to SR. There is a ton of support here and I'm glad you are examining your choices. I wish you the absolute best! This journey is worth it and so are you!

StopTheCrazy

Wow, you guys are amazing. Those responses were just what I needed.

I totally romanticize alcohol! Never thought of it that way, but I give it way too much credit. I always think times will be better with alcohol around. Time for me to prove myself wrong.

Thank you all so much. I look forward to getting to know you all.

geno198

Wel come to SR. You got one step of the journey out of the way.congrats. We will be known by the tracks we leave

Mizzuno

Are these statements told to you by others, or did you tell yourself this? The fact of the matter is that you are not alcohol. Alcohol is not you. I am pretty sure that the gregarious fun loving you is in there alcohol or not. This has been my experience with myself.

pinkdog

Hi Stop, welcome. You can learn how to live without the alcohol. Once you get over the dependence of it. You can have soberfun. Soberfun is way better than alcohol fun. And the next day you can feel good about it. Make a plan. Avoid the alcohol situations for awhile if possible. Best wishes.

Imabuleva

Hi Melina,

My mother died from being an idiot (I don't really consider always being drunk "fun") too.

Now I see my brother going down the same path. And me as well. But I've decided to take the me part into my own hands

Thanks for posting that. I can relate.

GotGrace

Hi StopTheCrazy! I could have written your exact post a month ago, almost to the letter. I know just how you are feeling. I have been sober for 4 weeks today and I can promise you, deciding the quit is waaaay scarier than quitting. Stopping was almost a relief for me. One day early into my sobriety, I had a stressful situation involving my kids and their friends, which normally would have had me counting the minutes till 5 p.m. This time, though, it was actually comforting to me to know I was NOT going to have drinks at 5 to shake it off.
Also, I totally understand your fear that you won't be fun anymore. I couldn't imagine social events without a buzz. But I have really found that I am more interested in doing things, talking to people, laughing, engaging, now because I am not using up my energy thinking about my next drink.
Stop, you can do this. Keep reading and posting. I want this for you so we can do this together!
Best wishes!

StopTheCrazy

Thank you, thank you, thank you GotGrace! That is very encouraging to hear. Congrats on 4 weeks!

hypochondriac

This was my feeling too. I was sick of being other people's entertainment. My best friend loved that I was a party girl but he would sit there not drinking while I slowly poisoned myself. Now I can't see that being that self destructive was fun. I feel like I am much more life affirming now

Welcome to SR x

pinkgate

I am a non drinking party person. I'm still fun in similar ways to when I was drinking, just more coherent, less obnoxious, and maybe slightly less crazy. And I actually still do goofy things, often just by mistake, that people must think are because I'm drunk, or at least they laugh as if I am and that it's all innocent fun.

Bebetter

Reading your post was like reading a biographical sketch of myself. I have 2 kids, wonderful husband, wonderful home, wonderful part-time job in my field. Am young, social, active... My husband and I were really into great beer and breweries, touring wineries, pairing food and wine/beer... all the things that made it seem like a lifestyle rather than an addiction.

And for him, it was a lifestyle, but for me, it became an addiction. I wouldn't get drunk every night, but my binges were becoming more frequent, and I would plan my drinking too - "can't wait for the kids to go to bed to pour myself a pint" "would love to come swimming at your house today with the kids! wine? sure!" I would THINK about alcohol all the time, and after awhile, it became me thinking "tomorrow, I won't drink." And when tomorrow came, at 5:00, I'd drink while making another fantastic dinner.

Anyway, I'm 80+ days sober right now and in that time, have found that most people I used to drink with were never drinking all that much and could care less that I got sober. Some were drinking a lot, and could care less that I got sober. And a few who drink a lot can't seem to get it through their heads that I'm not drinking, and continue to offer me wine, to tell me "feeling sick? you'll feel better if you have a glass," "stressed by the kids? you need to drink more." Yeah... some people need to see you drink to make their own drinking feel more normal. It's really uncomfortable, but don't take it like they are pushing it because they think you are boring or dull - it's because you not drinking makes their own drinking feel less normal.

I'm not nearly the life of the party that I was, but at the same time, that wasn't me. I'm not a silly, careless, wild person by nature. I never have been. Alcohol just let me pretend I was. And being calm, slightly neurotic and introverted is just as nice place to be too. I can actually carry on conversations and learn about people, rather than just yap away at a party about nothing, remembering nothing the next day... I'm learning there are lots of people I thought I liked, that I don't. Guess I'm a little more discerning than I was when all that mattered was we all had a chardonnay in hand.

sicknote

Hello,stop the crazy. Thanks for your story. I know how you're feeling. I used to be the fun one. The crazy laughing fun partner in crime to drink with, but then it stopped being fun, and started becoming dangerous. If you can't stop and stay stopped it sounds like a issue with alcohol, and if you want to do something about that issue then you're in the right place.

Maybe you'll learn to be the fun one without alcohol? Wouldn't that be great?! Maybe you'll have some really great times sober? Does that sound appealing? It does to me. Lets quit the booze and discover some real fun. Don't worry about other people, and drinking situations, its going to be tough but we'll find a way of dealing with them situations

Good luck to you

Sicknote