Khloe926

I just feel like giving up. I did 12 days (major progress for me) and i felt so much happier, then i went had a glass of red wine. How on earth had i convinced myself that it would b ok i don't know. Now here i am hungover knowing that i put myself in the most stupid vulnerable situation, raged at my boyfriend, cried in public, lost so much money AGAIN for the millionth time. I don't know how many times i will fail at staying sober and i don't know at what point i will see that i can't have just one. I cant seem to get out of this hell and i feel so weak for not being able to. Maybe im just really really stupid. Im just loosing all hope that things are ever going to be different

Anna

It sounds like you need to do something differently this time.

Do you have a plan?

Have faith that you can do this.

gatorgirl67

Awe sorry khloe...you got 12 days down before, now you know, learn from this and start from here!! Day 1 with a new experience... you can do this again!!

FourSeasons

Khloe, You are not stupid. Many people quit hundreds of times before it finally sinks in "there is no such thing as having just one". I bet that is why the majority of people are here on SR.

I find it helpful to "think the drink" through. This has been one of the most important tools I have learned through SR.

Whenever I get an urge/craving, I think to myself, "What will most likely happen if I have this one glass of wine".

And, I already know the answer. It ain't pretty.

So, already knowing the outcome, why would I want to go back to that? I don't. It is not a very good place...

Always remember, practice makes perfect and Rome was not built in a day.

Don't give up on giving up!! Eventually, you will succeed!!

Khloe926

Thank you. I always plan to make it the last binge, it just never seems to be. Im not sure if i have this misplaced confidence that i can drink again in moderation, when i know i absolutely can't or whether im just ridiculously weak willed. I guess i have no choice but to try again but im just heart broken that i have to start all over from today.

doggonecarl

You were thinking about AA the last time you were here. Did you give it a go? I'm guessing not. If you want to succeed, don't repeat what didn't work before. Get a plan of some sort that will ensure you don't drink. If not AA, some sort of support. And if you are going to be a member of SR, use it. Post daily. Join a monthly thread.

Good luck.

Victoria74

I know exactly how that feels although a week was my record. It´s just to try again...we will make it some day!

jutam

It sounds like you and I are the same person.... over and over and over and over again I hit my head against that brick wall... losing all hope I could actually stop.... until I was finally ready to do what it took (which was anything) to stop. I just couldn't do it anymore, it felt like it would be easier to die than stop drinking..... You will know when you've finished. no quitting attempt is a failure... its all part of the process...
Ill hold the hope for you till you have it for yourself

digdug

What's done is done. You drank. It's over and in the past. Give yourself a break and don't beat yourself up over it. Just because you have relapsed in the past doesn't mean you have to today. Like Anna said, think about what you're going to do differently this time.

We support you!

Toomutch

I was sober and relapsed after 5 years of sobriety, I am now on my 3rd day sober and going to do what it takes to stay this way. Us alkies can never have just one whether it has been 12 days or 5 years the addiction is going to worsen.

You're here and sharing, which is a great place for you to be, stick around and post daily.

You have to want to be sober more than you want to drink and to do what it takes to remain sober.

Imabuleva

Write this down in a notebook and read it next time you want a glass of red wine (also remember that it won't be just one glass of red wine).

MrBen

You will struggle to find anybody here who managed to quit for good the first time, or even the first 5 times. Don't beat yourself up. Pick yourself up and try again.

Mizzuno

You can get sober and stay sober. There does not have to be something terrible that takes place in order for you to listen to that "inner voice". Post on here. Seek out face to face support is needed. Sometimes we fall down. Staying "down" is not an option. We are here for you.

advbike

Look at it this way - it's 12 fewer days your system had alcohol poured into it. If you get right back on the wagon starting today you are still ahead of the game and you will be back to feeling better much quicker this time around.

Don't beat yourself up, we all make that mistake, sometimes many times. Just keep at it.

kadidee

Khloe, do not give up. Awhile back, someone posted that he had written a letter from his drunk self to his sober self--I wish I could remember who it was. I haven't tried this exercise, but the concept has helped me to differentiate between two 'selves'--the real, wanna be healthy me and the drunk or hungover 'not me'. Today you are feeling like your 'not me' self. Write down how you're feeling so that you can remember how painful it is the next time 'one glass' of wine seems attractive. You can do this

Khloe926

Thank u guys, i really appreciate your support. The more the hangover wears off the less im trying to wallow in self pity as i have no choice but to start again. This time im going to post and im going to AA. For me going to a meeting was always the last option as it just seems like the absolute time where i never drink again. The good news is that the thought of never drinking again used to scare me witless, but iv lost so muh control that the thought of never having to drink again seems like heaven. Im sitting here and iv been so horrendously sick, embarrassed myself in front of everybody, cried in front of my manager, said the most stupid things, lost 80 quid, bullied my boyfriend and completly put myself in the most vulnerable situation. The shame is terrible and im really not looking foward to any withdrawl that may reoccur, it was horrible last time and im scared im going to have to now relive it. But anyway my an is to now post every day and try to do the whole meeting thing. I guess this is closest i have come to sobriety and i want it more than ever which is a good sign. God, bad effort for having one glass of red wine tho! Big love xxx

tomsteve

khloe, if ya try again and doin it like have before, yer prolly gonna end up in the same position soon.
nothing changes if nothing changes.

stop being heart broken. self pity will get you nowhere. this experience can be used, if you chose, to your benefit to see that what you were doin wasn't workin too good.

crosscountry3

You need to get to a meeting and find a sponser............You can do it this time........

Dee74

Glad you're feeling a little better Khloe.
I think, if you're into it, something like AA is a good plan going forward

D

sugarbear1

"a glass of wine"

hangover from just one?