Toomutch

I told my boyfriend that I wanted to be completely honest with him about what has gone on over these last several months of drinking. It proved to bite me in the butt. He had no idea that I was buying alcohol and hiding it in the house and I thought I would come clean and tell him. He feels so betrayed by me that it could very well be over between us. He asked if I had ever been to bars during the day and no I have not. I simply sat at home drinking and hating myself for it.

He doesn't know if he can handle this or not. He moved 2,500 miles a year ago to be with me, and now I might lose him. What can I do to make this right and why do I have to be honest to a fault. My heart is breaking.

lommey

give him time tell him your going for help and get some help. you need to stop drinking for you not for anyone else

Twofish

Dear TM, You were honest with him, that's a good thing. When someone deceives another person, especially ones we love, it most likely gets covered up wit another deception or lie. You want a relationship built with bricks of honesty, that will give you the best love. Give your boyfriend some time, let him process what you told him. If he comes back, and please give him plenty of time, he's a keeper. If he decides he's had enough and bolts, well, that's a tough lesson to learn. Gentle hugs, we care about you!

suki44883

I'm sorry, Suz, but I am a firm believer in being totally honest about these things. He needs to know exactly what he has signed on for, and it isn't fair to him to lie about it.

I truly hope you are ready to give sobriety everything you've got. I also hope that he is willing to stick with you through the ups and downs. But, even if he isn't, that is no reason to back out of sobriety. It should be something you do for you, more than anyone else. Hang in there, hon. You have a lot of support here.

heath480

You were right to be honest Toomutch.

The only thing you can do is be seen to be sober and stay sober for yourself.

Wishing you well.

Mentium

Toomutch - you would have gained nothing but more pain by continuing to be dishonest. The reality would come out sooner or later..and the later it did the harder it would be.

Dee74

I think you were right to be honest too. If this relationship is the right one for you, things will be ok

D

HonestlyTrying

I hear your heartbreak, telling the truth is tough. Drinking and feeling hopeless after telling the truth has to be harder. I was between a rock and a hard place like that a year ago and I checked myself into outpatient treatment because I needed help controlling my drinking. I was desperate to succeed, and the councilor told me that "the rate of success was 100% for those who follow the suggestions"
I had to want it for me. I did want it for me. I did it for me. I do it for me every day. I asked for help and got it. You can too!

bridgeeboo2006

Oh my. First of all stay strong. My Bf always blows at first...Greek temper...but once things calm down and he has some time he comes round. The way I feel we are living parallel lives makes me think he'll come round. Be as patient with him as u need him to b.

soberclover

I think you are brave and courageous for being honest. I know you hurt but in the long run this secret will not eat away at you. As you've heard, we are only as sick as our secrets. Stay strong.

Hevyn

I agree - being honest was commendable & necessary. I think his reaction is surprising. Of course I see it from "our" side. Our normies can't understand what we go through. You did a good thing - I'm sorry you're hurt - & hope it works out once he calms down.

foolsgold66

I have sympathy for your being upset, but you still did the right thing.

Raider

I'm sorry. You did good.

least

Being honest sometimes hurts, but not as badly as it would if we put it off until things got worse.


You did the right thing. Give him time to process what you told him and throw yourself into recovery with all your heart.

ImperfectlyMe

Hey Tm, it breaks my heart to hear you! I know you want this so much. Being honest with your BF may initially be a stinger but it could be the very thing to get you back on track. Men retreat when they are vulnerable likely this is whst he's doing. He needs a decompression time.

Having him understand that his idea if moderating would/could NEVER work is actually a GREAT thing. Tm you don't have to hide now, you let go of something that causes shame. You don't have to pretend that you are ok, cause your not. And until you can be honest with the fact you're not ok the sooner you can heal.

I wish you nothing but the best you deserve this chance again

jazzfish

I find being honest is essential for living in reality. Usually, when I think it has let me down, it is because it prevents me from having something I think I deserve.

Anna

Hang in there, TooMutch, and focus on getting well. The best thing you can do now is take care of your recovery and show him that you are changing.

Renarde

This is a step toward getting healthy again. Your heart is breaking but you did a good thing. Big hugs.

geno198

Atleast you got all your cards on the table. Be honest with everything God bless

EndGameNYC

It wasn't your honesty that failed you, Toomutch. It was your drinking.

Laying your cards on the table was an act of courage and a signal that you now may be more ready to take care of yourself than you were previously.