A broken heart
 

Me and my ex bf were together for 10 months. i knew he smokes weed at beginning. after we lived together for 3 months, i went to the point that why does he not interested in me. we had sex once a week, and i didn't feel he has passion with me but obligation. here is the thing. he didnt ever come inside me at that point. so i started wondering if he has someone else besides me. so i snooped on his computer. i was shocked that he watches porn everyday. i didn't get mad right way. i talked to him about how did i think about guys watches porn and told him as long as it doesn't affect couple's sex life which is ok to me. but he always look at me through my eyes and told me in a certain tone that he is not that type guy watches porn when he is in the relationship. that is where i lost trust on him. but i knew he watched it continuely without knowing that i already knew it.
after couple months. i found the tissue he used for clean his mess on the floor in his computer room, finally he said he watches it occasionally which is not true.( he enjoyed smoke and jerk off with porn, i search on line, alot people said it feels much better than have sex with real woman.) anyway, he said he would stop watching it and slow down on smoking. i chose to trust him. after awhile, our sex problem still couldnt get fixed. he still having hard time come inside me. so i started snooped his computer again. there was nothing anymore, never ever shows any history on his computer anymore. But things never changed, he always got super tired after i got home from work on the weekend. no sex no affection. he made me feel i wasnt wanted at all and i think i'm not attractive to him. so i believe he never stop watching it while he smokes weed.
in summer, i didnt have school, so i came home early on the week days, during that time, he could come inside me while i was knowing for sure he didnt watch porn. but on the weekend he was as tired as before even i was the one worked all day. our sex still not good. finally we had fought over the porn again, he kicked me out, we broke up.
after one week, he texted me say sorry and miss me. we started contact and seeing each other again. His mom and lil sis came down visit and i hang out with them for the weekend. they like me a lot and i do like them too. he commited to me that he wanted this relationship work, but he didnt want me to move back in right way, which i agreed(now i think it was his plan). he said i can come over when ever but just let him know first.
couple days later, i stayed at his house for the night. before we started movie, he went on his computer printing stuff for me for 5 mins. and that night he still couldnt performed the sex with me. next morning, i left house after him, before i left, i went on his computer to see if he watched porn again. instead porn site, i saw he is on match. com, and the night before when he was printing stuff on his computer with me in his house , he checked his match.com email.
i was so upset, and texted him why was he still on match after we back together?( i dont really mind he sign back on after we broke up). he got so pissed off and called me B**ch, psycho,crazy etc. he said i ****** things up. i am a liar. i betrayed him. he couldnt trust me, and he didnt want me anymore.
i was so heart broken. when i questioned him, first he denied that he didnt looking for anyone on there, when i told him that i saw with my both eyes that he sent email to other girls. and then he said he didnt talk to anyone after we started talking again. when i questioned him why did he check his match email when i was at his house last night. he said he was on there to stop other girls from sending email to him. how does that make sense? how can you stop other girls sending email to you by checked your email and left you acct actived there? finally, he causing at me and dumped me.
at the end he told me to leave him ******* alone, his family alone, and i am not allow to see my cat again( he knows how much i love my cat) . i know its wrong to check his computer, but i didnt have that sercurity from him. he had enough time to close his match acct while we didnt live together but after we commited to work our relationship out, why did he do that? i am so broken right now, and dont know what to do.:a108:

Welcome to SR.

I'm not even sure whether addiction comes into this, it just sounds like a very dysfunctional relationship all round.

I think it's very clearly time for you to move on blueheart.

you might want to think about leaving some of the more graphic stuff out in future too - I'm not sure it was integral to the story and you'll get more responses if you leave it out I think?

D

It all just sounds like it's too much drama and hassle - especially for such a 'new' relationship

Walk away - I think your being given a lifeline here. Just my honest opinion. He doesn't seem to make you at all happy. There was nothing positive you had to say about the relationship.

Sounds like a sex addict to me -- I'd move on.

True love isn't starring blindly into each others eyes. It is holding hands, standing side by side, staring in the same direction!

And yea, less is more in this case, but good putting it out there and getting feedback none the less.....

thanks
 

Right now im keep thinking about what he said to me that i am the one f** the relationship up. i did wrong by snooped on him. i am not deserve him. all these things are eating me up .

thanks so much for reply. i did believe that he loves me but just not that into me. the things hurts me the most and damaged me was after we both decided to work this relationship out, he still left his dating site acc open. thats showed me that he already one foot out. he left the door open for other chances.