From a year clean to a day clean.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Virginia
Posts: 5
From a year clean to a day clean.
Hi guys, relatively isolated in my house right now, so I'm going to post my story up here on the boards.
So, I'm getting clean, again. It's been again, so many times...fortunately, I've never been able to get anything close to a year. On top of that, a year, going to meetings daily, working a program, and even sponsoring people. When I went back out, the recovery conscious kicked in immediately. It was incredible. There was no way I was going to be able to ******** myself this time, given the knowledge and recovery I gained in that last year.
So I proceeded to delete all my contacts from my phone (all my contacts were from recovery, literally), and do the same with facebook. Isolated is where my disease wants me and so I isolated. Here to report that nothing changed. Nothing. Using, the way I respond to it, is the exact same, if not worse. God, that feeling you get when you make the decision to pick back up. The obsession and compulsion is on your mind all. day. with. no. rest. In retrospect that had to be the most emptying feeling of my using. Feeling and believing I wasn't going to be okay without getting high if I wasn't.
So I used for a week. I came back to meetings after 3 days, my sponsor told me I was full of ****, and I used to spite him. A couple days after that I overdosed on a combination of drugs and alcohol. I went to the ER. I was fighting for my life after a week of using again. The coup de grace. Michael, this is it. What more evidence do you need? You're not happy. You WERE happy. Let's get it back.
So here I am. Picking myself up, dusting off a lot of dust, and putting myself back on track. You know, I'm looking forward to it. Thank god, I've been able to see how incredible recovery can be in my own life. 3 days ago last year, I had NO hope that things could get better. What a ******* miracle recovery is.
Anyway, good to luck to everyone out there who's on the same path or different. We all know it's not easy, but nothing in life worth having is easy, right?
So, I'm getting clean, again. It's been again, so many times...fortunately, I've never been able to get anything close to a year. On top of that, a year, going to meetings daily, working a program, and even sponsoring people. When I went back out, the recovery conscious kicked in immediately. It was incredible. There was no way I was going to be able to ******** myself this time, given the knowledge and recovery I gained in that last year.
So I proceeded to delete all my contacts from my phone (all my contacts were from recovery, literally), and do the same with facebook. Isolated is where my disease wants me and so I isolated. Here to report that nothing changed. Nothing. Using, the way I respond to it, is the exact same, if not worse. God, that feeling you get when you make the decision to pick back up. The obsession and compulsion is on your mind all. day. with. no. rest. In retrospect that had to be the most emptying feeling of my using. Feeling and believing I wasn't going to be okay without getting high if I wasn't.
So I used for a week. I came back to meetings after 3 days, my sponsor told me I was full of ****, and I used to spite him. A couple days after that I overdosed on a combination of drugs and alcohol. I went to the ER. I was fighting for my life after a week of using again. The coup de grace. Michael, this is it. What more evidence do you need? You're not happy. You WERE happy. Let's get it back.
So here I am. Picking myself up, dusting off a lot of dust, and putting myself back on track. You know, I'm looking forward to it. Thank god, I've been able to see how incredible recovery can be in my own life. 3 days ago last year, I had NO hope that things could get better. What a ******* miracle recovery is.
Anyway, good to luck to everyone out there who's on the same path or different. We all know it's not easy, but nothing in life worth having is easy, right?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Welcome Beachac!
It was 'again' many times for me too. I drank for 30 yrs. It was exhausting and never worth it. I used to wonder how I'd live without it, but now I can't imagine how I ever lived in that numb & foggy state. You can do this Beach - we're here to help.
Congrats on your day clean.
It was 'again' many times for me too. I drank for 30 yrs. It was exhausting and never worth it. I used to wonder how I'd live without it, but now I can't imagine how I ever lived in that numb & foggy state. You can do this Beach - we're here to help.
Congrats on your day clean.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Uk
Posts: 1,190
Yknow what they say too? Practise makes perfect you CAN do this! Thanks for your story - I think a daily reminder on the reality of using/drinking is essential - we all romanticise it in our heads after a while being sober but its never pretty when we get up close to it again.
It's a self induced hell on earth.
you CAN do this! Thanks for your story - I think a daily reminder on the reality of using/drinking is essential - we all romanticise it in our heads after a while being sober but its never pretty when we get up close to it again. It's a self induced hell on earth.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Berlin, MD
Posts: 78
Right on Michael. Back on the horse. U may feel hopeless right now but u give me hope. This is my 5th day sober and first honest attempt. U give me promise that a year is attainable and desirable. Thanks and I'll b looking for ur progress.
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