Body sore, fatigue, sad
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 10
what I learned here already is you are not alone. Many others have been through the same and not only survivied, but talk about how great sobriety is.
One step at a time. I am brand new to this and scared out of my mind. It's going to get better. How could it get worse?
Sleep it off, be safe.
One step at a time. I am brand new to this and scared out of my mind. It's going to get better. How could it get worse?
Sleep it off, be safe.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Originally Posted by Acheleus 
Do you know why there is a moon? A meteor or asteroid hit the earth and a huge chunk of the earth got caught in earths orbit. It is pretty tonight.
I just cannot stand being alone anymore. I really do not want to be me anymore. I have lost everything that meant anything to me, and not all because of drinking. I cannot think or write, I cannot do anything. I hate my life.nothing in my head ever changes. I cannot think, I feel like my head is going to explode. I cannot write. I cannot plan. I cannot think. I miss my mom, I have not seen her in seven years or talked to her in that time. I am falling apart, I have no inner resources. I am going to cut off the internet and every unnecessary thing in my life. Nothing will ever be normal for me, I cannot interact with people or believe in myself, I just want a real life friend and I have no backup plan for feeling this blown up inside. My hands are shaking and I can barely breathe I am crying and alone and afraid and empty and unable to believe in myself. All my dreams are dead I am mentally ill and an alcoholic and white trash and no one taught me how to live or survive or love or care or anything. I have nothing left and I am sick of the internet I hate how stupid and atomizing it is. People should get together in the streets instead of hiding and I am not a real person I am a mistake, I never wanted crazy parents and grandparents who killed themselves and drank themselves to death I want to start over I want something to believe in I want a job outside on the water and I want to never see a woman again they are superficial and shallow and deceitful and I hate my life.
I am going to get in bed and listen to a symphony. I do not know how to write the paper I have due I HATE school and I do not know what I am doing anymore.
I just cannot stand being alone anymore. I really do not want to be me anymore. I have lost everything that meant anything to me, and not all because of drinking. I cannot think or write, I cannot do anything. I hate my life.nothing in my head ever changes. I cannot think, I feel like my head is going to explode. I cannot write. I cannot plan. I cannot think. I miss my mom, I have not seen her in seven years or talked to her in that time. I am falling apart, I have no inner resources. I am going to cut off the internet and every unnecessary thing in my life. Nothing will ever be normal for me, I cannot interact with people or believe in myself, I just want a real life friend and I have no backup plan for feeling this blown up inside. My hands are shaking and I can barely breathe I am crying and alone and afraid and empty and unable to believe in myself. All my dreams are dead I am mentally ill and an alcoholic and white trash and no one taught me how to live or survive or love or care or anything. I have nothing left and I am sick of the internet I hate how stupid and atomizing it is. People should get together in the streets instead of hiding and I am not a real person I am a mistake, I never wanted crazy parents and grandparents who killed themselves and drank themselves to death I want to start over I want something to believe in I want a job outside on the water and I want to never see a woman again they are superficial and shallow and deceitful and I hate my life.
I am going to get in bed and listen to a symphony. I do not know how to write the paper I have due I HATE school and I do not know what I am doing anymore.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
I have read some stories about moons and rings of planets, and this story says it is possible we live in a very special time, in a very special place. When you think about it just in terms of what other real estate there is in this solar system, then you must realize we are very fortunate. Just the fact that we can have addictions is a luxury many cannot afford.
The best thing now is to stay sober and think through clearly what it is best to do, instead of hiding in fear with alcohol.
The best thing now is to stay sober and think through clearly what it is best to do, instead of hiding in fear with alcohol.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by Mizzuno
Acheleus. If you want all of these things like a woman, friends, a job on the water, something to believe in, to start over, to live and be happy then you HAVE to make it happen. It is not going to land in your lap friend. What is this Acheleus? What are you going to do differently to change this head space? I can see that you make your existence into something more terrible than it actually is A. Where is the appreciation for what you do have? People would kill to be in your position, working towards the education that you are getting. Seriously Acheleus something has to give here. The only one that can change this is you. Why cut off the Internet? What purpose does that serve? I think that you are so adjusted to tearing yourself down that you do not even know how to be NICE to the one person that matters....That person is you. I know that you would not treat one of your friends this way. In fact, I have seen your love on this forum. Extend that love to you. This negative place that you sit in is comfortable for you. I think you are afraid of what life could really be like if you let go of all of this pain. What would life look like if you started to live and create your life? Try here Acheleus.
I know what I need to do. I have always been a social person. The internet has allowed me to drink by myself and talk to people....I have cut myself off from basically everything and I use to be the most social and out going person.
Anyway, thanks for the post there.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,378
Originally Posted by Mizzuno
Acheleus. If you want all of these things like a woman, friends, a job on the water, something to believe in, to start over, to live and be happy then you HAVE to make it happen. It is not going to land in your lap friend. What is this Acheleus? What are you going to do differently to change this head space? I can see that you make your existence into something more terrible than it actually is A. Where is the appreciation for what you do have? People would kill to be in your position, working towards the education that you are getting. Seriously Acheleus something has to give here. The only one that can change this is you. Why cut off the Internet? What purpose does that serve? I think that you are so adjusted to tearing yourself down that you do not even know how to be NICE to the one person that matters....That person is you. I know that you would not treat one of your friends this way. In fact, I have seen your love on this forum. Extend that love to you. This negative place that you sit in is comfortable for you. I think you are afraid of what life could really be like if you let go of all of this pain. What would life look like if you started to live and create your life? Try here Acheleus.
Drinking left me with a lot of problems but one of the worst was the sense of instant gratification. I wanted everything and I wanted it now.
Some things are meant to be worked on. I could have gone out and gotten a women or found people to hang with in my early recovery but I would not have done the best by myself by doing that.
Instead I looked at the longer view - I looked at who I wanted to be - and I accepted it would take time and effort for me to become that person.
In fact the time and effort seemed much less than I feared it would....looking back everything seemed to happen pretty quickly and neatly - I think that was because I allowed myself to have faith that waiting was the right thing to do.
Drinking robbed me of 20 years growth. I was an 18yo in the body of a 40 year old man.
I grew a heck of a lot in my first 3 months - waiting that time enabled me to work out what I really wanted and what I needed to do to get there, Ach
D
Last edited by Dee74; 09-19-2013 at 09:46 PM.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,791
When I'm lonely or frustrated or despondent or just sad I often lay on the floor and hug my dog or hold her paw. Yes, my dog likes to hold hands, go figure. Even my wife, who generally acts much more dignified than myself, has been known to do it on occasion. When my daughter was young and in a poopy, crying, awful mood, we used to put her and the dog in the playroom for a while and shut the door, and within 30 minutes a smiling dog and a smiling child came out.. We called her the 'magic' dog on those occasions.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
Got food and getting more mature day by day. Please ignore/forgive psychosis/immature rambling. Panic attacks are really bad sometimes. Thank you for the common sense and good advice. I am proud I did not drink today/tonight. Tomorrow will be a big test, but I have to finish a paper tonight and teach tomorrow, then read all night. READ> Write!! Stay sober! Grow and mature.
I am about 15 years old in my mind, I hope to become a man one day.
I am about 15 years old in my mind, I hope to become a man one day.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
I have now come to identify the whiny, negative, self pitying, immature part of me as my "addiction"..it is not me. When I'm in that place I am completely self absorbed and one dimensional in my "wah wah wah". I am not inhabiting my own skin..I am not centered. I am not seeing outside of my own prison.
When you start slipping into that abyss...it's your addiction try to make you hate yourself...so you will go drink. Somehow...someway you have to start nipping that in the bud...before in get so overwhelming. Sounds like you did today.
You stay sober...you will learn to manage that mind of yours...and that whiny hurt broken little boy within will start to heal. He will heal when he starts to believe you will take care of him; take care of you....and that voice will fade...it will become manageable Acheleus. I'm certain of it.
When you start slipping into that abyss...it's your addiction try to make you hate yourself...so you will go drink. Somehow...someway you have to start nipping that in the bud...before in get so overwhelming. Sounds like you did today.
You stay sober...you will learn to manage that mind of yours...and that whiny hurt broken little boy within will start to heal. He will heal when he starts to believe you will take care of him; take care of you....and that voice will fade...it will become manageable Acheleus. I'm certain of it.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
When I drank I used to feel negative, had low self esteem and felt worthless also believed no oneliked me
One of the key things for me since getting sober islearning how to think positively. I've learnt that if I think positively I feel more positive,then good things happen.I smile at people and say good morning-I'm amazed at the responses I get.I now realize that people didn't not like me for any reason-I was just so miserable,unhappy looking and unapproachable. Now I try and be positive and smile it is amazing the difference.
You are what you think is so so true. I would recommend you read "Think Right,Feel Right" by R,Isett.YOu can get it off Amazon for afewdollars.It has helped me tremendously.
It's also normal to feel physically and mentally rough so ealry on in sobriety.I promise you you will start to feel better
One of the key things for me since getting sober islearning how to think positively. I've learnt that if I think positively I feel more positive,then good things happen.I smile at people and say good morning-I'm amazed at the responses I get.I now realize that people didn't not like me for any reason-I was just so miserable,unhappy looking and unapproachable. Now I try and be positive and smile it is amazing the difference.
You are what you think is so so true. I would recommend you read "Think Right,Feel Right" by R,Isett.YOu can get it off Amazon for afewdollars.It has helped me tremendously.
It's also normal to feel physically and mentally rough so ealry on in sobriety.I promise you you will start to feel better
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
A pet can provide meaning - you are living for something else during tough times. I suggest rescuing a dog or cat. There are tons and most are about to be put down. I rescued both my dogs from kill shelters and I swear they know it and are grateful. Best dogs I have ever had!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Long Beach, CA
Posts: 705
Originally Posted by Acheleus
Getting water and going to work on paper. I feel bad at school bc I look older than everyone from drinking and smoking for years. The people there really do not like me, but I do not care. They all know I am a drunk. I will just focus on getting myself better.
You are going through so many emotions right now. Just try to cut yourself some slack. It will get better, I promise. As time goes by, you'll begin to feel and look healthier. Your skin will improve, your hair, your clothes (being hungover made me look and feel sloppy and awful). They don't say "one day at a time" for nothing. What are you studying?
And by the way, I'll be your friend. Pm me anytime. People here at SR are some of the most caring, sincere people in the world, and they want only your success. Thinking of you!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,378
If you keep setting yourself up for situations where the only solution you can think of is drinking, you're really making it hard for yourself Ach.
I've been a grad student and an academic.
Sometimes trying to push through gets you nowhere.
the best thing to do is to get some rest - even if it's only a couple of hours.
I'm not sure what the papers for - is it for your class of students tomorrow?
D
I've been a grad student and an academic.
Sometimes trying to push through gets you nowhere.
the best thing to do is to get some rest - even if it's only a couple of hours.
I'm not sure what the papers for - is it for your class of students tomorrow?
D
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