Victoria74

Hangover and ashamed. I´ll just keep on trying, reading successtories here helps although I wonder if I ever will make it. Ruining my relationship and living with this constant self loathing and anxiety. Alcohol can´t be a part of my life, it is very clear. Will take it one day at a time and try to keep myself occupied. I know dwelling in the past does not helt one bit, but it is really hard to stop thinking about all the embarrassing things I´ve done. Also think I need somebody to talk to. It is really difficult to go through all this alone.

lessgravity

Do you have a plan?

Welcome, lots of stories, support and good people here.

doggonecarl

While I think Sober Recovery is a wonderful aid to one's recovery, I think a more structured approach might be what you need. Reading about success is great, but you need to work on achiving your success. Doing the work, coming up with a plan, that seems to be your stumbling block.

PaperDolls

Glad you're back Victoria.

I can't do it alone either. I get support from both SR and AA. I'm pretty sure I would not be sober if I did it without either.

Keep coming back and posting!

longbeachone

The reason so many newcomers are asked "Do You Have Plan" is because the simple step of writing up a list of what you plan to do to stop drinking is a very healing action, especially the morning or day after you've gone too far, yet again. You are taking action, even if it's as simple as "Today I will find and go to an AA meeting". It will take you out of your immediate shameful and hopeless state, and move you into a positive frame of mind. It won't cure you, or change the fact that you've got a ton of work to do, but it will help you. Just try it (and follow through). Don't go overboard, but push yourself.

It's excellent advise.

Coldfusion

Welcome, Victoria!

There's lots of helpful stuff here at SR--you can come to the chat room or the newcomer's forum any time if you need help. There's often inspiration in reading others' threads, and there are several "thought-for-the-day" threads. There are fun threads, games, a place to grumble, special interest groups, and perhaps best of all you can share support and help yourself while helping others.

But it only works if you work it. Look around and start posting! Maybe the 24-hour thread is a good place to start: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-join-us.html

AlefVavResh

I would recommend AA if you are open to it. Otherwise, maybe a therapist. Sounds like you need both SR and some face-to-face.

Be Well.

least

I use SR and counseling to stay sober. It's been working for almost four years now. Maybe a counselor can help you.

Victoria74

Thanks for your support, I need to make a plan, I just don´t know what it should look like. I want to pick up excersising and am thinking about joining a gym. Everybody says to take one day at a time but to make a plan, what is in the plan then`?

Dee74

A plan for me is more than simply a plan to not drink, or keep busy....

It might be looking at the support I need - do I need AA or some other group?

do I need to see a Dr or counselling?

what changes do I need to make in my life to acknowledge and support my desire to stay sober...

are my friends supportive? do I hang around in bars? do I know how to have fun sober?

Who do I want sober me to be?

how do I deal with stress, or other strong emotions like anger without drinking?

what do I do when I find myself in a drinking situation?

thinking about all those things - and more - is a plan - to me

D

happyhour

i also think it is important to have a replacement activity for when and where you used to drink. for example, on way home from work, insert meeting, gym, meet w/ friend, bookstore, pottery class, music lesson, whatever.

coming home from work and putting myself in the same environment i drank in for years, but w/o the alcohol is a real mind bender for me.

Nuudawn

I'm with Longbeach. Just sit down with your fine self (say hello...cuz you probably have been paying much attention to her in a loooooooong time : ) and write down a little plan. Dee's suggestions are pretty great ones. I know I did on my first day of sobriety. I just wrote out a list of things to do when the craving to drink hit...which I knew would because I had just decided to become sober. Those things included "post on SR when the urge hit, go to an AA meeting, go for a run, call a friend etc etc".

As Longbeach alludes to..it kinda shows you mean business...and its proactive rather than sitting there kicking your poor weary soul all about.

workoholic

Although I am not exercising currently (getting to it though) it did help in my previous attempts. Apart from using this site I feel meeting someone face2face about it also helps. I try to go to an AA group once a week and it helps too. Perhaps you prefer going to a therapist instead, I am sure that is just as good.

If there are sober activities that you enjoy try to indulge in those when you otherwise would be drinking. To me it is a matter of getting all help I can get to "stack the odds in my favour". I admitted to my parents that I was trying to quit alcohol altogether, doing the same to whomever may be your closest family and friends may help.

I used to spend alot on drinks, not bothering with being economical in my abuse at all, now I think about what I can use the money for instead. Weekend trips to my sister in London for example.

FishnHippy

I am happy that you are back Dee I found this to be a great list and I'm going to address it personally today thank you

Victoria74

I find this plan-thing somewhat difficult, Dee, you have a great list, copied it to my computer desktop and read it every now and then. I think one problem is that I can´t seem to identify WHY I drink. I didn´t have a troubled childhood, I was never abused, I have a great job, a boyfriend who I love very much. I might drink to escape, but from what...being drunk is great the first minutes before it always get out of hand. Drinking calms me down, but it is all a lie because drinking causes anxiety and lack of sleep. I have been without drinking a maximum of one week the past year or so, one reason I start again is I think I can handle it, and after just one week sober, I am irritated, stressed and kind of think it won´t get better anyway so I might as well have ONE drink...

ImperfectlyMe

Sometimes we don't find the why until we get further along in sobriety. And sometimes there is no why! It's just is.

MrBen

A lot of the time drinking is a personality thing. I don't really have a reason to drink, there is nothing so awful in my life I have to hide behind booze. It's my personality, I'm an anxious guy, it helps me feel calm. It's as simple and boring as that. But that doesn't make it any easier to quit.

ReadyAtLast

For me,why didn't really matter either. The problem was what happened when I did drink,realizing it was bad and stopping drinking