tate9685

Sober 9 days. I love my daughter. 18 years old, pregnant and currently living with me. I despise her disrespectful nature and attitude towards me and anyone who doesn't go along with her desires. I want her to move out because I need peace and she creates a lot of drama and causes me a ton of stress. Most recently today, she called me at work to tell me that she had been at her b/f's house and he hit her (again) "really hard on the thigh" after she didn't feel like "playing around with him". (not sure what all that entails..) He has hit her before in her side. She leaves him, goes back. Stays here at home, then at his house and back and forth. I told her today that I didn't want her to see him at all anymore and she basically told me that she is grown and can do as she pleases. I told her I wanted her to move out then because she is stressing me out with this. Then she said she wasn't going to move out and if I attempt to change the locks on the door, she will come to my work and make a scene. (there was a lot more said than that...but those are the main points). I called my therapist and left a message because I am at my wits end. She doesn't understand the big deal and says she has done nothing wrong. Am I warped from alcohol abuse? All I want is to live in a peaceful home and environment. I have been ill with bronchitis and just returning to work after several days off. I am weak and trying to pace myself. I just know things are going to get even worse after the baby comes........

least

Your daughter sounds like a very irresponsible immature young lady. As far as her 'making a scene' if you change the locks - go ahead and make a scene. You can call the police on her if she is too disturbing.

Pregnant and with a bf who hits her... no good will come of that. I would let her sink or swim on her own but after the baby comes I would be talking to my local childrens' services agency about the possibility of abuse or neglect on the part of the bf. You don't have to have her living in your home but you can let the authorities know of her situation and the potential for danger.

Anna

I'm really sorry you're going through this. Your situation with your young, pregnant daughter living with you sounds really difficult. You're right to say, basically, your house, your rules. If she doesn't want to follow your rules, which help to protect your sanity and safety, then she can move out. I know it must be hard to be facing this in early recovery, but you will be able to get through this.

MTD

Wow I am sorry for the way your daughter is treating you. She should realize you are the one person that is willing to help her. Maybe a little tough love is needed. I have two girls of my own and I know this will be very difficult for you especially now that there is a baby involved. Maybe tell she needs to go to a womans shelter until she gets her life and herself together. I feel for you

Tamerua

Least said everything I was going to say. You're in recovery and need to take care of you! She is grown, as she stated, and needs to care for herself.

Keep posting, we are here for you.

CobiaOne

Seems you may be trying to run a marathon with a ball and chain around one leg to me. I hope you work things out.

ReadyAtLast

I think you should stick toyour guns and change the locks. You cannot allow her to blackmail you. She will continue to treat you apallingly and with no respect for as long as you allow her to. If she causes a scene then tell her you will call the police.Be calm but firm,If she is old enougj to have a child she is old enough to look after herself

foolsgold66

Hmmm. You don't sound warped to me. Sounds like you are trying to skip 20 or more years of misery while she lives there with her baby and sponges off you. Change the locks, alert your employer that you've asked your ADULT child to move out and she is likely to show up and throw a fit. Call the cops if she causes trouble.

Oh, sorry, forgot congrats on your 9 days. Keep at it, you can do it!

Br00ksie

I agree with foolsgold. Change the locks. If she shows up at your place of work, the police can be called and I am sure she does not want them involved in her dramatic, selfish life. You are far from warped and she is putting you at risk to relapse. I can't imagine how hard the thought of cut her off must be, but there is only so much you can give without compromising yourself. You have limitations and boundaries. As long as she is living under your roof, she must respect them.

tate9685

Thank you everyone. It helps to have your support and know that I am not being unreasonable and hasty. She has done many things that are beyond disrespectful to me. I need someone to come in the house and be here while she packs and I change the locks and I need to know the legal issues regarding this. I don't know if VA is a state that requires you to legally evict an adult child. She doesn't pay rent so I don't think that would apply. I am going to talk to my therapist today hopefully. Thanks again, everyone.

phoebe64

It would be good if *she* would talk to your therapist! I agree, your house, your rules, but then, there is a baby, and an abusive boy friend. I think it is muddled by that. But, certainly, your house, your rules. period. She has a choice to follow them, and take your help, or to reject that generous offer.

tate9685

I am so exhausted right now! My daughter called my elderly father (who had a stroke recently). She called him crying and saying that I was trying to kick her out. I told her not to bother him and she doesn't listen, just thinks about herself. I found out that in Virginia you have to go through the eviction process to have your adult child removed from the home even if they aren't and have never paid rent. The house we live in is in my Dad's name. I pay him rent and he pays the mortgage. He said he wouldn't kick her out. He asked her to come stay with him and she refused. I am stuck with her unless I move out. My therapist has not called me back and I am just in limbo right now. Thoughts of drinking but the tape plays to the end quickly and I know I would end up getting so drunk that I would miss work tomorrow. For now, I just have to hang on and see how this plays out.

Eleni58

Sorry to hear about the tangled mess you are in! Certainly doesn't help your recovery!

I would suggest moving out yourself--if it is at all feasible--going through the eviction process sounds like it would just be a big hassle and added stress.

ReadyAtLast

I agree with Fandy. Move outyourself,find your own place to rent alone.

Yourdaughter can then find the money to pay rent to yourfather.Or if she doesn't then he can evict her or let her live there rent free- none ofthese are your problems.

Thepeace of mind you'll find living alone in your own place will far outweigh thetemporary difficulties of moving

MTD

NOOOOO! Don't drink. That will only make you feel horrible. Keep a clear head and things will work themselves out. Just remember the horrible hangover you will have and all your other problems on top of that. Just remember the Serenity prayer. Some things you cant change.

Jeni26

What a difficult situation, you have my sympathies. And having to face that so early in recovery too. Please stay strong through this ordeal.

My first thought was much the same as the others. Ask her to leave and change the locks. That makes perfect sense. Then my own daughter, aged 17, came downstairs in floods of tears at a problem of her own making, and I was filled with frustration and concern in equal measure. I thought about what I was typing and wondered if I could be as strong as that if it came to it... What would seal it for me would be the safety of the unborn child. I don't know about where you live but in England a baby can be placed on the child protection register before they are born. If your daughter is in a violent relationship, I would ensure the authorities are informed ASAP.

Yes, your daughter needs to stand in her own 2 feet, and that little life she's carrying needs protecting too.

Stay strong, and I'm sorry you're having to face all this x

foolsgold66

I have a friend whose wife took up with the next door neighbor, divorced him, then proceeded to move right into the house next door to live with her new boyfriend. 2 kids involved no less. He refused to move, he wasn't going to let her 'win'. He told me he was angry every day, saw them all the time, just couldn't stand it but refused to move.

I told him to quit being stubborn, put the house up for sale and move, she wasn't winning, he was definitely losing by purposefully giving away his ability to move on and live his life on his own terms without the past slapping him in the face every day.

He sold the house, moved away, and got remarried a couple years later.

Dude thanks me every time he sees me.

Move out.