Jeffie

I've been reading a lot of posts for the past couple weeks and finally decided it was time for me to share. It's not close to as bad as some but it's eating me and needed to get it out so here goes...

To start, I am not clean yet. But I am on my way and want to be. Only 30-50 mg/day oxy habit atm which is the worst it's been ever. I am an addict. I don't have pain I use to get high. I have noticed lately that "high" is getting me nowhere anymore. It used to be great... all kinds of energy... on top of the world ya know? Now just to get through the day feeling bleh most of the time is not where i want to be.

Unlike most, I got my oxy 10's free, 60 a month from my Mother. She just hands em out cause she don't need as many as her doctor gives her. My Wife and I split them up and i usually run out way before her so i end up taking some of hers too. Anyway, this went on for quite a while and though i had a handle on it. Untill it wasnt enough and started buying a few to get through till Mom got her next script.

To make a very long story short... the reason I am here is instead of buying extra I decided to go without till mom gave us more. Well, I have went through mild withdrawls before which i could handle. This time it was not so easy. 1st time in my life I had sweats/cold chills, really fuzzy head, flu like stuff is normal but what really got me was the depression that i had never been through before. Did'nt feel like doing anything... nothing seemed to interest me like when i was high. It really scared me. I felt like crying for no reason or any reason. this went on for 5 days and i broke. Talked to my mom and she say's " I know I shouldn't ask but do you want 20 to get you by?". The worst part is i was starting to feel a bit better that last day. My mom means well and is helping me work this out some... but i can't just cut her out of my life like she was a dealer or something. She is a recovering alcoholic (just celebrated her 5 year sober) so she knows whats going on with me. She feels horrible to say the least. My father (may he rest in peace) was very much an addict so I should have known better. But as you see... I'm here... telling my story... reading others and not feeling so alone.

Well There is so much more but maybe another day. I am tapering atm and hope to start being clean in a month... Hopefully. Thanks you all for sharing and just wanted to give a little back to the community. I feel all your pain and wish all good luck! Thanks for listening and talk again soon.

I just reread that and it's kinda all over the place. Sorry for that. Matches my life atm :/ Thanks for reading

jdooner

Jeffie - welcome. I am an alcoholic and an addict. My DOC is Vodka, whihc leads to several other addictions Ritalin, Adderall and coke. I am clean for 3 months and sober a month next Monday. I am sure you will find lots of support here and its great your posting and wanting to change.

I know you will not like my suggestion but the first order of business is to change your situation. I know I could not get sober if I lived in a bar that had dealers in it 24/7 and it sounds like this is your situation. You love your mom and that's great but she is enabling you and keeping you down by doing so. This is how I read your post.

Do you have another relative you could stay with to get clean? Does your wife want to get clean?

Uninvited

Welcome Jeffie. You found a wonderful place here with people who can help. I'm not sure when you say you can't cut your mom out of your life like she was a dealer or something, I don't think I agree with that. I'm kind of shocked that a mom would even do this to be honest.

Jeffie

My Wife is scared to quit. I don't think she really understands what i went though in that "5 days" but she has an idea. That's one of the hard parts right now. I think by the time I'm down to 0, I may be able to convince her to do the same. I hate to do it but I might have to just tell her my Mom is being cut back and cant give any more. But I have a feeling she might start buying them. She knows I want to end the ride... so maybe just maybe she will with me.

My mother lives quite a ways away from me so it's not real easy to just go over. It's my addiction that got the best of me. I am going to get my life back... I just cant do it overnight like I want heh. I think I will talk to my wife tonight about tapering with me so we can do it together. I can't ration... I take as much as I need at the time if I have them. My Wife can save them for when she needs them. Like she doesn't take any on her days off. She does however go through WD also but very mild. If I can talk her into it There will be no WD to deal with ever. I do need some time to ween off cause I really don't want to go through that depression again. Took about 4 years to get here... never thought it would get this bad. Now I know.... This will be the hardest thing Iv'e ever done.

Jeffie

I'm 42 and thought I could handle it. Did for a long time. Then it got out of control and that's why I'm here. When I started snorting them I think was when it started to go downhill for me. My Mother would do anything for me, unfortunately this is a good and a bad thing. Ive never wanted to quit before this. Now I really do. She knows this. She also knows it's not the best to go cold turkey if you don't have to... so yeah i guess we'll see how the taper works out. I am ready really.

There is a long past with drugs in my family. I was able to handle most of what came my way. This has just gotten out of control a bit and I'm going to try my best to get out while it's not extreme. Thanks for being honest

least

to SR! You'll find a lot of support here. I hope we can help you reach the state of clean that you desire.