Seeking help and support
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1
Seeking help and support
Greetings everybody. I am new to this message board, and I joined in the hopes of getting some support, guidance, and general help from the current members of this community.
What brings me to this board is my girlfriend. She has a pretty serious drinking problem, and we are both struggling to overcome her addiction through the "cold turkey" method. I myself do not have a drinking problem, and I've actually stopped drinking altogether for almost 3 months now, all in an effort to help my girlfriend's cause.
I guess without going into much detail (probably better suited for another thread/region) the main struggle here is trying to convince her that a support group, such as AA, would be her best bet in coping with her struggle.
Any advice on how to approach my situation is greatly appreciated! In general, I'm happy to have found this page, and I will be posting in other areas of the board as well.
Thanks!
What brings me to this board is my girlfriend. She has a pretty serious drinking problem, and we are both struggling to overcome her addiction through the "cold turkey" method. I myself do not have a drinking problem, and I've actually stopped drinking altogether for almost 3 months now, all in an effort to help my girlfriend's cause.
I guess without going into much detail (probably better suited for another thread/region) the main struggle here is trying to convince her that a support group, such as AA, would be her best bet in coping with her struggle.
Any advice on how to approach my situation is greatly appreciated! In general, I'm happy to have found this page, and I will be posting in other areas of the board as well.
Thanks!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
I would echo whiskeyman's advice. Try an al-anon meeting. If you are enmeshed in your gf's addiction and plan to be enmeshed in her ongoing struggle, then do the one thing you can do...work on you. Because you have no control in her recovery.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Well, going to a "support group" may NOT be the best thing for her.. you never know, and you're not her treatment provider.. ya know? Check out an alanon meeting (those are for friends/family of alcoholics). Sorry you're dealing with this, it totally sucks all around.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2
Hi all, I just wonder if anyone has any advice 
My sister has has problems with alcohol for over ten years now. Things reached the worst they ever have around six years ago, when she was regularly brought home in a state by the police, found sleeping under bridges and going missing for days. Things have since then not been as extreme, but I believe this is mainly because my sister is no longer living with my father. He didn't force her to leave, she wanted to live outside of the family home and always has wanted her own space. She has lived with a number of partners, all now failed relationships, and now lives alone.
She has never been able to hold down a job, with her current job of 18 months being the longest she has ever held. Her alcoholism has remained a constant problem over the last ten years, with her turning to alcohol to 'cope' with her everyday life. She also has recently in last two years been diagnosed with bi-polar and personally disorders. I feel that now this has been diagnosed, instead of facing up to her problems she hides behind her mental illness, using this as an excuse and even explanation of her drinking behaviour. She has a number of friends through a bi-polar meeting group, but I feel these friendships aren't healthy for her when she is still very vulnerable.
My father and I have accepted that she will always have her problems and never recover to have no mental difficulties, and will most likely never live her life without dependency on alcohol or the medication she takes daily for her mental illness and related symptoms.
However, although I claim to have reached acceptance of this, I am still struggling to move on with my life with a alcohol and medication dependent sibling. I feel as though I am expected to continue my relationship with her and offer support, when I have in truth lost all respect and compassion for her. Of course I will always love her as my sister, but I am afraid I will never be at peace with our relationship again in her current state and lifestyle choice.
I am struggling more than every recently, after believing for a while she has been sober (16 months) and recently discovering she is drinking. This is not the first time she has relapsed, and I can't be sure she ever stopped drinking at all. I know you are advised to not feel disappointment if your sibling relapses, but how long are you expected to stand by their side, and be supportive to their lifestyle? Often, this feels as if it is at a sacrifice to my own happiness.
I am not sure what to do anymore.
My sister has has problems with alcohol for over ten years now. Things reached the worst they ever have around six years ago, when she was regularly brought home in a state by the police, found sleeping under bridges and going missing for days. Things have since then not been as extreme, but I believe this is mainly because my sister is no longer living with my father. He didn't force her to leave, she wanted to live outside of the family home and always has wanted her own space. She has lived with a number of partners, all now failed relationships, and now lives alone.
She has never been able to hold down a job, with her current job of 18 months being the longest she has ever held. Her alcoholism has remained a constant problem over the last ten years, with her turning to alcohol to 'cope' with her everyday life. She also has recently in last two years been diagnosed with bi-polar and personally disorders. I feel that now this has been diagnosed, instead of facing up to her problems she hides behind her mental illness, using this as an excuse and even explanation of her drinking behaviour. She has a number of friends through a bi-polar meeting group, but I feel these friendships aren't healthy for her when she is still very vulnerable.
My father and I have accepted that she will always have her problems and never recover to have no mental difficulties, and will most likely never live her life without dependency on alcohol or the medication she takes daily for her mental illness and related symptoms.
However, although I claim to have reached acceptance of this, I am still struggling to move on with my life with a alcohol and medication dependent sibling. I feel as though I am expected to continue my relationship with her and offer support, when I have in truth lost all respect and compassion for her. Of course I will always love her as my sister, but I am afraid I will never be at peace with our relationship again in her current state and lifestyle choice.
I am struggling more than every recently, after believing for a while she has been sober (16 months) and recently discovering she is drinking. This is not the first time she has relapsed, and I can't be sure she ever stopped drinking at all. I know you are advised to not feel disappointment if your sibling relapses, but how long are you expected to stand by their side, and be supportive to their lifestyle? Often, this feels as if it is at a sacrifice to my own happiness.
I am not sure what to do anymore.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 355
JMSH - Some good suggestions here. Take care of you and maybe she will follow. You are already being very supportive.
Blindbat - You may have wanted to start your own thread. Forums can be confusing, but once you jump around a little, they will make sense.
to both - If you scroll down the top level, you'll see a section for friends and family. There are many people there going through exactly what you are going through.
Blindbat - You may have wanted to start your own thread. Forums can be confusing, but once you jump around a little, they will make sense.
to both - If you scroll down the top level, you'll see a section for friends and family. There are many people there going through exactly what you are going through.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Welcome JMSH and Blindbat. I'm so glad you found us - it really helps to have others to share the confusion & frustration. As AlefVavResh mentioned, our Friends and Family Forum has many people dealing with the same things. You may want to have a look.
It's great to have you join the family. I hope you'll find the help and hope you're seeking.
It's great to have you join the family. I hope you'll find the help and hope you're seeking.
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