Weasel1966

I consider myself very self aware. But the fact is I see just what I want to see most of the time with glimpses of sanity.

Let me revisit July 2001. Sitting on my steps of a home I just purchased the year before with my partner as we settled into a new life in a new place. To this point I never played with drugs. Seemed stupid to me.

This is the self aware part with a glimpse of sanity.

After a few months of using X, ecstasy, I saw a change in me.... Us. I was scared to death. My partner standing in the driveway and me crying saying that we are heading down the wrong road here. We are using to much. We need to stop.

Imagine that? After just a month or two I knew it.

Whether it be for love.... Or just too young in life to fully understand I listened to the convincing story about how we were fine. That I was over reacting.

Here comes another self aware moment with more than just a glimpse of sanity...

When it comes to drinking and drugs there is no such thing as overreacting!

The trauma between July 2001 and December 2012 is heartbreaking. But I survived to be posting about it here on a sober site.

Ready to take my next step in recovery. My biggest thus far. The lessons I learned are bigger than me. Sadly theres no more innocence in my life.

I am still self aware. I stop to look at things from across the room. Maybe catch a glimpse of things from a different angle. But that's how I want to live my life.

Try to see this all differently. Not as a tragedy of lost friends, money, years, self respect... But of something that never needs repeating. A depth of character that we all share as alcoholics. And maybe just a bit wiser for it all.

Just wanted to share today....

Have a great sober day today!

Mizzuno

Thanks for this post Ken. When the inner voice is talking we need to listen. I know that I did not listen and heed the warning until it was hitting me in the face and I was falling off of my own cliff of destruction. Thankfully, I made it to the bottom without broken limbs or anything fatal taking place. I had a severely bruised heart and mind to heal, but it could have been worse. Stay true to you Ken. Keep walking forward. We are given this life to create and to live in beauty. I want to give it 100%.

Serenity1972

Thanks for sharing Weasel. Your posts are always inspiring.

CaseyW

Thanks for sharing Weasel. I definitely identify with what you're saying here. I didn't take my first drink until 1999, I was 24 years old. I grew up in a family of alcoholics and had always told myself I wasn't going to be like them. When I did finally pick up that first drink on April 3, 1999, I would say I was drinking alcoholically within the first couple of months. I still remember the first time I got drunk at a bar. I stood up to go to the bathroom and the whole room circled around my head. I remember thinking, "Wow, this is what this is all about." Been unsuccessfully chasing that feeling for fourteen years now.

I first tried to stop drinking in 2002. It's taken me eleven years of near-daily vows of "I'm never going to drink again" to figure out that recovery really is possible.

Haven't had a single craving or desire for a drink in almost two months now. SR has been a huge part of my recovery. To everyone out there who is still suffering, listen to the wise words of Weasel1966 up above--it is possible and sobriety is a WONDERFUL way of life. And though life isn't always great today, the self-respect I'm starting to feel makes even the tough days a whole lot better.