Attempt number, I can't even remember :(
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 7
Attempt number, I can't even remember :(
Hello all
This is my first post here, as am hoping that maybe some support might help. A little background should probably be where I start.
I have always had an addictive personality, and anything I do I tend to do at 110%, I love the gym so I normally train twice a day, and my drinking follows the same habits.
While I dont drink everyday, I have trouble stopping once I start, if there is booze around in the morning when I wake, I start again. Will spend days and days like this, till I eventually just hate myself, am horribly depressed, and pull myself out of the spiral.
I just had a 4 day binge, which finished last night. I have quit booze before, and didnt touch a drop for over 9 months, and after that I could even drink repsonsibly for a while, but eventually the quantities increased and the old habits came back.
I can feel the horrible depression that I always get after a binge coming on again, and am trying very hard to have faith in myself to find the strength to not only beat this, but to not beat myself up over it.
Thanks for reading
This is my first post here, as am hoping that maybe some support might help. A little background should probably be where I start.
I have always had an addictive personality, and anything I do I tend to do at 110%, I love the gym so I normally train twice a day, and my drinking follows the same habits.
While I dont drink everyday, I have trouble stopping once I start, if there is booze around in the morning when I wake, I start again. Will spend days and days like this, till I eventually just hate myself, am horribly depressed, and pull myself out of the spiral.
I just had a 4 day binge, which finished last night. I have quit booze before, and didnt touch a drop for over 9 months, and after that I could even drink repsonsibly for a while, but eventually the quantities increased and the old habits came back.
I can feel the horrible depression that I always get after a binge coming on again, and am trying very hard to have faith in myself to find the strength to not only beat this, but to not beat myself up over it.
Thanks for reading
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 2,441
Welcome Trying, many (if not most) of us here tried over and over again to get sober. Eventually it does stick, so don't give up. If you need help there are a variety of programs such as AA, SMART, LifeRing, Rational Recovery (AVRT), with the most well-known being AA.
And stick around this site, you will find a lot of great information, support and encouragement here. I suggest doing a search on various recovery methods and then asking questions if you're interested. It sounds like you still have your life together, so now may be a good time to just give up the booze.
And stick around this site, you will find a lot of great information, support and encouragement here. I suggest doing a search on various recovery methods and then asking questions if you're interested. It sounds like you still have your life together, so now may be a good time to just give up the booze.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 261
Hey Tryingagain13, I'm the same way when it comes to an addictive personality. I'm easily addicted to anything that will make me feel good. This includes working out. I have a great example of my addictive personality affecting my workouts. One of my hobbies is competing in triathlons. I have a race coming up at the end of September. On Saturday, I ran 11 miles, and pulled in a great time too. I was supposed to rest on Sunday just so that I don't overdo it, but I wanted to get that runner's high again. I decided to run another 7 miles. Later in the day, I started getting pain in my foot (around the cuboid bone). Instead of taking a day for rest, I decided to work out at the gym today. I ended up hurting my lower back from squats, and i'm guessing it's because of the lower back stress that I put on it from running. To add insult to injury, not only is my foot messed up, my lower back is also injured. I'm not even sure if I'll be able to compete for that race.
This is just my type of addict thinking that spills over into other parts of my life. Even when I'm doing something healthy for my body, I still manage to overdo it. Anyways, I was a binge drinker myself. If I was in that F it mode, I'd wake up in the morning with a hangover, and just start drinking again. I would be depressed and self loathing because I ruined my sobriety, so I would just keep going. It usually never lasts too long because I get to that point where my body wont even accept the alcohol anymore.
This is just my type of addict thinking that spills over into other parts of my life. Even when I'm doing something healthy for my body, I still manage to overdo it. Anyways, I was a binge drinker myself. If I was in that F it mode, I'd wake up in the morning with a hangover, and just start drinking again. I would be depressed and self loathing because I ruined my sobriety, so I would just keep going. It usually never lasts too long because I get to that point where my body wont even accept the alcohol anymore.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: State of Acceptance
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by tryingagain13 
I can feel the horrible depression that I always get after a binge coming on again, and am trying very hard to have faith in myself to find the strength to not only beat this, but to not beat myself up over it.
This particular paragraph above described me to a T! Today marks 4 weeks for me. I can tell you that I have not had an ounce of depression since I have finally stopped. It took about 7 days to start feeling good. I am so happy to not suffer the day-after black cloud of doom...
Hang-in there and keep trying! Eventually you will win!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,791
Welcome to SR. The aftermath of a 4 day binge brought me here. 3.5 liters in 4 days was enough to last me two lives.
Don't bother looking for faith in yourself, just choose not to drink today, and then repeat your choice each day after you wake. Keep it simple. Read and post here daily, it helps. All the rest will come as your sober time increases.
Don't bother looking for faith in yourself, just choose not to drink today, and then repeat your choice each day after you wake. Keep it simple. Read and post here daily, it helps. All the rest will come as your sober time increases.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 240
Hi! Another addictive personality here :-) I'll binge on anything that makes me feel good at the moment-it's been that way since I was a kid. I recall one time when I was about 8 or 9 I ate so much spaghetti that I threw up! Gross, right? Food, drink and working out all get me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 277
Welcome tryagain.. As you have mentioned correctly, the quantities of consumption, get higher and higher after each relapse. This is progressive and evil nature of addiction. You will get lots of support and insights from the very helpful people here.. What ever you do, do not stop visiting this Forum.All the best.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Mars
Posts: 296
Hi Tryingagain,
Thanks for posting!
You, I was thinking two things when I read your post:
1. Mental and medical help. Since you identify yourself as having an addictive personality, it would probably be beneficial for you to get help. Go see your doc as the first step and see where they take it from there.
2. If you try to quit the same way every time and every time it ends in failure, trying again the same way will likely have the same result. So you need a different plan. Your doc will probably have some options. You can also look for new options yourself. Perhaps attending an AA meeting? It might just be the thing for you.
I wish you a sober life. Be well and keep us posted!
J.
Thanks for posting!
You, I was thinking two things when I read your post:
1. Mental and medical help. Since you identify yourself as having an addictive personality, it would probably be beneficial for you to get help. Go see your doc as the first step and see where they take it from there.
2. If you try to quit the same way every time and every time it ends in failure, trying again the same way will likely have the same result. So you need a different plan. Your doc will probably have some options. You can also look for new options yourself. Perhaps attending an AA meeting? It might just be the thing for you.
I wish you a sober life. Be well and keep us posted!
J.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 355
Sounds familiar. Hating myself. Trying to "drink responsibly". Stick around and read, read, read. When you feel like drinking come and post. Day one is all you need to worry about today. Let go 
Tomorrow will be day two.
Tomorrow will be day two.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 7
Thanks everyone for all the kind words and advice
Day two now, and dont think I slept a wink last night, so that didnt help at all, and feeling depressed as ever after the binge. But wont drink today.
Will hit the gym this morning for some cardio, then this afternoon for weights, and hoping I will sweat out some of the toxins and release some healthy hormones to help deal with the sadness I am feeling. I have been here before and know that it will pass, but when I get like this it feels as if every little obstacle is insurmountable, stuff that I wouldnt even bat an eyelid at when feeling normal.
Going to stay BUSY, have a LOT of study I need to do, so will fill my day with that too.
Thankyou all once again
Day two now, and dont think I slept a wink last night, so that didnt help at all, and feeling depressed as ever after the binge. But wont drink today.
Will hit the gym this morning for some cardio, then this afternoon for weights, and hoping I will sweat out some of the toxins and release some healthy hormones to help deal with the sadness I am feeling. I have been here before and know that it will pass, but when I get like this it feels as if every little obstacle is insurmountable, stuff that I wouldnt even bat an eyelid at when feeling normal.
Going to stay BUSY, have a LOT of study I need to do, so will fill my day with that too.
Thankyou all once again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 7
I occasionally wonder if the way I treat exercise, ie. letting it become an obsessive and addictive habit is unhealthy??? But I always push away that idea and say at least its healthy, but guess even healthy things might not necessarily be productive if they encourage character traits that can be destructive....
For the moment will just work on the booze, thats enough of a challenge.
The morning cardio has made me feel a LOT better though, sweated out a lot of crap and a cup of green tea after and already feel more positive about my day
For the moment will just work on the booze, thats enough of a challenge.
The morning cardio has made me feel a LOT better though, sweated out a lot of crap and a cup of green tea after and already feel more positive about my day
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Several things. First, as SoberChristy alluded to, the exercise you are doing could be part of a larger pattern of feel-good-now behaviors. Don’t get me wrong. It’s healthy. Doing it is likely to help you. That’s good. The point is that it might be helpful to examine why it’s being done. I had to get down to causes and conditions for my drinking. I drank for effect, and the effect was to feel good. I had to find something more meaningful than how I felt as a basis for living. I believe that this can be quite different things for different people. Feel-good-now, as a basis for living, just somehow always lead me back to taking a drink.
This leads into my second suggestion. Like james872 above, I think you need to do it different this time around. Somehow what you did in the past did not work. Change it up this time, in a substantial way.
Just one more thing. Don’t take this the wrong way. It’s about your username. I would suggest something that does not have try or the number 13 in it. At least not both in the same name.
Let’s be positive.
All the best to you.
This leads into my second suggestion. Like james872 above, I think you need to do it different this time around. Somehow what you did in the past did not work. Change it up this time, in a substantial way.
Just one more thing. Don’t take this the wrong way. It’s about your username. I would suggest something that does not have try or the number 13 in it. At least not both in the same name.
Let’s be positive. All the best to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 7
Hello everyone
The end of day three sober and while still finding the motivation I normally have is a little absent, the exercise and clean eating, lots of water and green tea seems to really be helping.
Feeling significantly more positive than I was, and expect it to all get better from here. Sleeping patterns thus far are still disturbed and erratic, but have some melatonin tablets that helped last night on that front.
Once again thankyou all for your support, kind words, and encouragement. Being honest on here as a step towards finally being honest with myself.
Thankyou
The end of day three sober and while still finding the motivation I normally have is a little absent, the exercise and clean eating, lots of water and green tea seems to really be helping.
Feeling significantly more positive than I was, and expect it to all get better from here. Sleeping patterns thus far are still disturbed and erratic, but have some melatonin tablets that helped last night on that front.
Once again thankyou all for your support, kind words, and encouragement. Being honest on here as a step towards finally being honest with myself.
Thankyou
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