Hello Everyone. I want to take my life back.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 8
Hello Everyone. I want to take my life back.
I've said it to myself before many times, but it is time to take my life back and quit drinking..It is ruining my life.
I am so sick of the guilt and shame that I feel and I can't handle it anymore. I'm 33 and know that if I don't stop now I have a long, wasteful, and depressing life in front of me.
Since I've been 17 i've always had a dependancy on alcohol, pot, and several years ago cocaine. The past 6 years, however, I have been an alcoholic and I can't lie to myself anymore. I need help and I need to take my life back.
The sad thing is I don't know who I am without drinking and that is pathetic. I can't handle what a normal person can deal with so I lean on self medication. I've ruined relationships, lost who I am, and have done so many stupid things It sickens me.
I've never had a DUI, but 4 months ago I was driving in the canyons and flipped my truck 4 times and simply got out and walked away. If that isn't a wake up call what would be, right? Ya right! Now I find myself going out to watch football games and driving home again. I'm an idiot.
I can go on and on but I just wanted to say hello and introduce myself. I will explore these boards and be around as I fight to get sober. I am officially on the wagon as of today and I don't plan on getting off!
I am so sick of the guilt and shame that I feel and I can't handle it anymore. I'm 33 and know that if I don't stop now I have a long, wasteful, and depressing life in front of me.
Since I've been 17 i've always had a dependancy on alcohol, pot, and several years ago cocaine. The past 6 years, however, I have been an alcoholic and I can't lie to myself anymore. I need help and I need to take my life back.
The sad thing is I don't know who I am without drinking and that is pathetic. I can't handle what a normal person can deal with so I lean on self medication. I've ruined relationships, lost who I am, and have done so many stupid things It sickens me.
I've never had a DUI, but 4 months ago I was driving in the canyons and flipped my truck 4 times and simply got out and walked away. If that isn't a wake up call what would be, right? Ya right! Now I find myself going out to watch football games and driving home again. I'm an idiot.
I can go on and on but I just wanted to say hello and introduce myself. I will explore these boards and be around as I fight to get sober. I am officially on the wagon as of today and I don't plan on getting off!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,554
Welcome SanDog! It's so great to have you join us - you're going to benefit by being among people who care and understand.
Bad and dangerous things happened to me when I drank too - but in my 30's I still had many years to go before acknowledging it. I was determined to 'control' my drinking so I wouldn't have to let go of the 'fun' times. I refused to admit the fun was over long ago - and all it was bringing me was misery. I ended up drinking 24/7, with a life in ruins. This will not be you SanDog.
Glad to have you here!
Bad and dangerous things happened to me when I drank too - but in my 30's I still had many years to go before acknowledging it. I was determined to 'control' my drinking so I wouldn't have to let go of the 'fun' times. I refused to admit the fun was over long ago - and all it was bringing me was misery. I ended up drinking 24/7, with a life in ruins. This will not be you SanDog.
Glad to have you here!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 352
Congratulations on coming to a very important, life altering decision. Drinking will only get worse for you if you are an alcoholic, and bring misery, destruction, and financial hardship. I wish I had learned my lesson in my 30's, you dont have to lose more of you life to this poison, good for you on deciding enough is enough. Everyone here will support you in any way they can...Good luck, and Welcome.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
Welcome, SanDog!
You can do this. Find support here, there is a ton of it. You might want to do something in the "real" world too, like counseling or AA. I needed to do a combination.
You will get a LOT of advice here. take what works and leave the rest. the most important thing is you getting and staying sober.
lots of good thoughts coming your way!
You can do this. Find support here, there is a ton of it. You might want to do something in the "real" world too, like counseling or AA. I needed to do a combination.
You will get a LOT of advice here. take what works and leave the rest. the most important thing is you getting and staying sober.
lots of good thoughts coming your way!
2 detoxes down, 0 to go
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 284
Try not to beat yourself up too much about past mistakes. We've all made them and made them again. The only thing that matters is that NOW you've made a decision to upgrade your entire life and you've reached out for help. That is a huge first step. Now it's time to do the work, and you can definitely do it.
Perpetual Optimist
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: LA
Posts: 1,371
Hey Sandog11,
Welcome! I COMPLETELY relate to your post! Today is my first day on here and my fourth day sober. I am 30 and have tried to "manage" my addiction for the past 15 years. I too have never gotten a DUI, but have totaled a car as a result of drunk driving (miraculously hurt no one). That was 8 years ago.
I am 4 days clean and sober. I decided to be sober because I was sick of being full of ****, sick of escaping, sick of (occasionally) making a fool of myself.While alcohol is not my only addiction, I have gone to 4 AA meetings in 4 days and, while very different from one another, each one has taught me a great deal about coping, about my previous and current behavior (primarily shame, self-loathing and lying), and about how to take care of myself (emotionally).
If I am going to be successful I know I have to continue to go to meetings where, at least for an hour, I have the freedom to be honest about the nature of my addiction and everything that comes with it. I highly recommend giving a "living sober" meeting in your area a try! Or if you don't feel comfortable going to a meeting, buying the "living sober" book. It helped me back away from the ledge today. Good luck!!
Welcome! I COMPLETELY relate to your post! Today is my first day on here and my fourth day sober. I am 30 and have tried to "manage" my addiction for the past 15 years. I too have never gotten a DUI, but have totaled a car as a result of drunk driving (miraculously hurt no one). That was 8 years ago.
I am 4 days clean and sober. I decided to be sober because I was sick of being full of ****, sick of escaping, sick of (occasionally) making a fool of myself.While alcohol is not my only addiction, I have gone to 4 AA meetings in 4 days and, while very different from one another, each one has taught me a great deal about coping, about my previous and current behavior (primarily shame, self-loathing and lying), and about how to take care of myself (emotionally).
If I am going to be successful I know I have to continue to go to meetings where, at least for an hour, I have the freedom to be honest about the nature of my addiction and everything that comes with it. I highly recommend giving a "living sober" meeting in your area a try! Or if you don't feel comfortable going to a meeting, buying the "living sober" book. It helped me back away from the ledge today. Good luck!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 8
Thank you everyone for the support! I am a grown man sitting here in tears because I'm happy and relieved to speak with people who know what I'm going through.
I've looked into AA and found where the meetings are in my area and I need to set a date to go. I also need to cancel a camping trip with friends this weekend because I can't go. I don't care what people say or feel about me quitting, but I am in no shape to be around that right now.
It's going to be so hard to have a social life, as everything revolves around drinking. It's not going to be easy.
I've looked into AA and found where the meetings are in my area and I need to set a date to go. I also need to cancel a camping trip with friends this weekend because I can't go. I don't care what people say or feel about me quitting, but I am in no shape to be around that right now.
It's going to be so hard to have a social life, as everything revolves around drinking. It's not going to be easy.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 8
4 YEAR Update. Here I am again - Fairly Positive
Hi All,
I found this place 4 years ago, spilled my heart out and got great responses. I was dead serious on quitting...but I didnt. I did manage to meet a great girl, who has a kid, which I love like my own, and that didn't change me either. My drinking, I can't even explain it, but I know you understand. Anyway, it was bad and I was getting back into powder heavy. Anway, I have not had 1 SIP OF BOOZE IS MAY 22. It is not July 11 and I don't even know how i'm doing it.
I think about it every minute but I know for a fact that I want to be free of this demon more than I want to go back. Every day is hard! Every night is hard but every morning is a beautiful thing.
I'm blossoming with positive thoughts and I don't live my life in a bottle anymore. I was a fun drunk, A good "functional" drunk but nobody understands what you put your body through. I simply keep praying for my minds to be transformed so I have strength to fight these demons.
I found this place 4 years ago, spilled my heart out and got great responses. I was dead serious on quitting...but I didnt. I did manage to meet a great girl, who has a kid, which I love like my own, and that didn't change me either. My drinking, I can't even explain it, but I know you understand. Anyway, it was bad and I was getting back into powder heavy. Anway, I have not had 1 SIP OF BOOZE IS MAY 22. It is not July 11 and I don't even know how i'm doing it.
I think about it every minute but I know for a fact that I want to be free of this demon more than I want to go back. Every day is hard! Every night is hard but every morning is a beautiful thing.
I'm blossoming with positive thoughts and I don't live my life in a bottle anymore. I was a fun drunk, A good "functional" drunk but nobody understands what you put your body through. I simply keep praying for my minds to be transformed so I have strength to fight these demons.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
Glad you are back!!
Yeah keep the girl, toss the booze.
Not sure where you are, but I live in Ohio but am from north county. I go home a lot, and know of a few really cool aa meetings if you want any suggestions.
I don't really go anymore, but it's so good to know the support is there should I need it or sense that someone may need mine. There are many ways to do recovery, I've tried darn near all of them. Those aa steps saved my life. I've been free for over four years and no matter how decent or at times your life is now.... life is so much better free of booze!!
Good luck, congrats on being sober since may. That's huge!!
Pm if you want any meeting info.
Yeah keep the girl, toss the booze.
Not sure where you are, but I live in Ohio but am from north county. I go home a lot, and know of a few really cool aa meetings if you want any suggestions.
I don't really go anymore, but it's so good to know the support is there should I need it or sense that someone may need mine. There are many ways to do recovery, I've tried darn near all of them. Those aa steps saved my life. I've been free for over four years and no matter how decent or at times your life is now.... life is so much better free of booze!!
Good luck, congrats on being sober since may. That's huge!!
Pm if you want any meeting info.
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