Dont know why im drinking
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
I do lol I could do housework and be mrs perfect housewife and mother of the year from now till doomsday I could do everything to perfection and nobody would even bat an eyelid!
I do all the time lol no one cares until I stamp my feet about something and then my problems suddenly 'the' problem what the hell! I'm not an idiot but I'm treated like one!
I do all the time lol no one cares until I stamp my feet about something and then my problems suddenly 'the' problem what the hell! I'm not an idiot but I'm treated like one!
In all honesty, my recovery started a few months before I put down the drink. I think I finally got tired of hating myself and being in constant whining, self pitying pain. I had been waiting so long for something or someone to come along and rescue me from my crap life. I thought God was being unfair to me. I couldn't figure out why even alcoholics (yup I thought that lol) could find love and I couldn't. Ya I was a drunk envying alcoholics with partners : )
A few things started to happen...I managed to find a wizard of a therapist. I was sent a youtube sermon from a loved one from her church that really spoke to me. I picked up a book (quite randomly.and one I push here a lot)...
One message seem to keep repeating itself...I had to make me my "home". I had to make my own interior my own refuge. I realized I wanted to "grow up and make my own way". I had to stop waiting for rescue.
I realized..really, really realized it was completely up to me. And in being my own authority (but I do have a spiritual co-pilot) I realized I need people and true connection. I realized I had to spend some time getting to know me. I eventually realized I could only do that with all my wits about me.
I realized I wanted sobriety. I wanted to grow up. I wanted to face myself and the world...as me. I work very, very, very hard on that relationship. And I need A LOT of resources to do that...I read a lot. I hang out here. I have some fantastic supportive connections.
You have to want...............you.
When I read this I thought to myself this woman needs "recovery" desperately. Although sobriety is vital to recovery, recovery is actually something much more than abstinence (as I happily noticed Daytrader speak to).
In all honesty, my recovery started a few months before I put down the drink. I think I finally got tired of hating myself and being in constant whining, self pitying pain. I had been waiting so long for something or someone to come along and rescue me from my crap life. I thought God was being unfair to me. I couldn't figure out why even alcoholics (yup I thought that lol) could find love and I couldn't. Ya I was a drunk envying alcoholics with partners : )
A few things started to happen...I managed to find a wizard of a therapist. I was sent a youtube sermon from a loved one from her church that really spoke to me. I picked up a book (quite randomly.and one I push here a lot)...
One message seem to keep repeating itself...I had to make me my "home". I had to make my own interior my own refuge. I realized I wanted to "grow up and make my own way". I had to stop waiting for rescue.
I realized..really, really realized it was completely up to me. And in being my own authority (but I do have a spiritual co-pilot) I realized I need people and true connection. I realized I had to spend some time getting to know me. I eventually realized I could only do that with all my wits about me.
I realized I wanted sobriety. I wanted to grow up. I wanted to face myself and the world...as me. I work very, very, very hard on that relationship. And I need A LOT of resources to do that...I read a lot. I hang out here. I have some fantastic supportive connections.
You have to want...............you.
I chose to drink last night - the truth is I really wanted to not give a crap! Doesn't look like I succeeded reading back....
I do give a crap - it's half the problem lol
wow what a post nnud I see a lot of me in that post except I had a h who loved me but I pushed him away because I hated myself so much. would love to see the u tube sermon. thanks for that post
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Hey lommey...this is it. When I watched it..I actually had to "google" the word parable. I didn't know what one was. I particularly resonated with the story of the lost sheep. I also didn't know what "Grace" was : ) Wow. And what a concept that was for the lost drunk I was.
February 3, 2013 - unedited - The Problem of Grace - Luke 15 and Lost Sheep - YouTube
February 3, 2013 - unedited - The Problem of Grace - Luke 15 and Lost Sheep - YouTube
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