teresasue

Hello, i am nee to this forum. i am completely lost in deep pain, dispair over my abf. I have known him for 2 years. i feel madly in love with him. he is a charmer and i have completely lost myself in him. Then low and behold he is an alcoholic, and get mean and angry at me for nothing really. He wont call back if he is mad. and the i worry that he is drinking or out with other women. He is a charmer and has many women calling him, if i asked ; it would deny it all and get angry. I am tired of all the ups and downs.
i need so much help . i love him but dont know what to do anymore.

teresasue

sorry for the misspellings. I typed it on my cell phone.

least

First off, you must realize you can't do anything for your bf to help him. He has to want to be sober for himself - you can't do the work for him. We have a forum here for friends and family of alcoholics. Give it a look.


Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

hypochondriac

Apart from the fact that you love him Teresa... are there any positives to your relationship? x

teresasue

He is very loving most of the time. He is usually drinking close to 5 days a week if not more. He lives in a different state and says he wants me there.
I would move in an instant, but would have to wind down my job here, pack up and move.
He is kind and wonderful sober. And we have a wonderful time when he doesnt drink.
I went to visit him last month for 4 days. it was great, except: he went for a bike ride; and when i went to walk to where he was biking; within 20 minutes; he wad plowed.
It was so odd; as soon as i turned my head he was drunk.
He slept ig off for 12 hours and back tp being fine again
i love him and know i feel lost without him.

teresasue

I love him, and i know i cant help him. It is a lonely disease for me. I dont think people would think kindly of me getting attached to such a person.
I feel lost at this point in time in my life!
I still want to be with him. I enjoy being with him. It only hurts when i am not with him.
And all times we were together ( he moved june 1)he didnt drink with me. He did drink when i wasnt with him. So that was odd that he got drunk when i went in august to visit him.

sugarbear1

it's a progressive disease and only gets worse

hugs to you

teresasue

why cant it get better?

teresasue

I cant just walk away. and say adios! I care too much.
I am an attractive, smart, funny person. Cant explain why and how I care so much, but that I do! There should be a recovery for the co dependent people, a retreat to go to heal yourself and soul. This is the toughest thing ive been thru. I had a son that past away years ago, but this is hard. I love someone and they are not dead, but sometimes; the pain would be easier to understand if they werr not here... it is sad..

hypochondriac

Please post in the friends and family post too Teresa, those guys know what you're going through.

From my perspective it seems that things are already bad and you don't even live together. You say he's great sober but he is drinking 5 days a week. That is a high percentage of the time, and if I know alcoholics it is an underestimate. I had a long distance relationship while actively drinking and what was happening when my partner wasn't around was a scary amount of drinking, my worst period ever. I wanted so much to be normal so having a normal relationship seemed to be the answer, but it made my drinking worse. What I needed was to get sober on my own and I am grateful that I had that opportunity. You can't love him sober x

teresasue

I love him all the time. sad. But you are correct!
thank you. dont know how to post my concerns, to the different areas on this site.
I am new to this.
thanks for your posting.

hypochondriac

We don't always love what is good for us

teresasue

That is why it is called love, there is no judgement and conditions.
I wouldnt judge anyone whom they love. Please keep that in mind.

hypochondriac

I am not judging you Teresa, I was speaking from my own experience. I have been in abusive relationships before and relationships with others whose issues with addiction or mental health problems has caused difficulties. Often I was unable to see how unhealthy these relationships were until I had left them. From both sides. This is the forum for friends and family and you can start a new post there by clicking on the new thread button on the top left: Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

teresasue

this is good. we all need to speak from the heart. I am really no where in this process, but going slowly thru this. It is not good nor bad at this point. I need peace before I can see it clearly. And anyone with addiction is still a human being regardless
i have compassion for both sides.
thank you.