I'm at it again...
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Vermont
Posts: 94
I'm at it again...
Last time I posted I mentioned I was 4 days clean off heroin with my boyfriend. Of course that all collapsed as soon as our paychecks came in. We actually got up to 9 days sober, started using small amounts and said "Hey, we're not withdrawing from these, let's just be smart about using and don't do it every day"
Yeah THAT sounds like a smart idea *sarcasm* That'st just what the demon thoughts tell you, they make it think it's ok and then before you know it you're addicted again and doing things you regret.
Right now, I am 12 days clean.
And guess what we did differently?
Told our parents and loved ones EVERYTHING. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I've been keeping my 4 year addiction from my parents for too long, they hated who I became but once I told them, I felt like they love me even more than they possibly could. With the support of my family it's been so easy for me to stay away from heroin. Also, we're living with my boyfriend's parents IN THE MIDDLE OF NO WHERE on purpose so we won't be tempted to get anything, and he's also handling our money so there's nothing "missing". It sucks and I hate being treated like a child but I know it's for the best. And it's better than going to rehab, which I know if I mess this up that's where I'm headed.
I never crave when we're at the house because I have things to occupy my brain, but when I work these long 12 hour shifts 4 nights a week, that's when the craving starts and I can feel myself battling a war with my brain. All I can think about is just having one last hit, but I know I'll ALWAYS want one last hit. And it's good because there's absolutely no way I could get it even if I did want to relapse. We're staying at their house for about 3 months, I'm just really worried after those 3 months, will I want to relapse?
It's been an emotional rollercoaster but my doctor prescribed me Prozac and Lorazepam for my anxiety, depression, and panic disorders. So far it's been working fine.
I just really hope I can look back at all of this in the future and just think of it as a bad dream...
Yeah THAT sounds like a smart idea *sarcasm* That'st just what the demon thoughts tell you, they make it think it's ok and then before you know it you're addicted again and doing things you regret.
Right now, I am 12 days clean.
And guess what we did differently?
Told our parents and loved ones EVERYTHING. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I've been keeping my 4 year addiction from my parents for too long, they hated who I became but once I told them, I felt like they love me even more than they possibly could. With the support of my family it's been so easy for me to stay away from heroin. Also, we're living with my boyfriend's parents IN THE MIDDLE OF NO WHERE on purpose so we won't be tempted to get anything, and he's also handling our money so there's nothing "missing". It sucks and I hate being treated like a child but I know it's for the best. And it's better than going to rehab, which I know if I mess this up that's where I'm headed.
I never crave when we're at the house because I have things to occupy my brain, but when I work these long 12 hour shifts 4 nights a week, that's when the craving starts and I can feel myself battling a war with my brain. All I can think about is just having one last hit, but I know I'll ALWAYS want one last hit. And it's good because there's absolutely no way I could get it even if I did want to relapse. We're staying at their house for about 3 months, I'm just really worried after those 3 months, will I want to relapse?
It's been an emotional rollercoaster but my doctor prescribed me Prozac and Lorazepam for my anxiety, depression, and panic disorders. So far it's been working fine.
I just really hope I can look back at all of this in the future and just think of it as a bad dream...
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Long Beach, CA
Posts: 705
12 days clean is wonderful! Even though things can get tough and you are tired and burned out at work, keep some of your very worst using memories on hand for when the drugs come calling. I mean the most humiliating experiences, the worst withdrawals, the huge sums of money wasted. Create a movie of each bad experience to play in your brain to fight cravings. I did this when I quit drinking, and even though it was very hard (I always did my best to forget the bad times as soon as I possibly could) it helped me a lot. This is a form of aversion training that you can do yourself. Keep us updated so we can share in your triumph over using!
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Originally Posted by least 
I hope this can be your last time getting and staying clean. 
Wishing you good things and may you stick on this great journey you've chosen. It's SO worth it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Vermont
Posts: 94
Originally Posted by longbeachone
12 days clean is wonderful! Even though things can get tough and you are tired and burned out at work, keep some of your very worst using memories on hand for when the drugs come calling. I mean the most humiliating experiences, the worst withdrawals, the huge sums of money wasted. Create a movie of each bad experience to play in your brain to fight cravings. I did this when I quit drinking, and even though it was very hard (I always did my best to forget the bad times as soon as I possibly could) it helped me a lot. This is a form of aversion training that you can do yourself. Keep us updated so we can share in your triumph over using!
wow that's a really good idea! I'm going to do that now... it will be hard because I also used to just forget everything bad I've done. It will be a very emotional read but I know it will keep me intact.
thank you so much for the advice!
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