patricia68

I failed.

I had a glass of wine. Somehow I had this ridiculous idea that maybe I could control my drinking...like it used to be a few years ago...a glass or two on the weekends and everything would be ok.

I did drink only one glass...and then the realization that I am playing with fire...heck I am playing with a missile here...

Renarde

I'm glad the realization hit! What's your plan to pick yourself up and get back on the wagon?

JaylaaKent

One glass is better than one bottle - but once your body has crossed that line - you can't go back. It's like trying to teach yourself to NOT know how to swim if you know. Your brain and body will never be the same (my psychiatrist-addiction specialist told me this). WE (us alcoholics) just can't drink ONE drink - you end up going "Hey I did ok with one - I should be OK with two, then you make the excuse for more and more." I wouldn't beat myself up, but you are playing with fire Why do you need it? I can't eat shellfish anymore because I'm allergic to it, and for some reason I'm ok with that - now I have to do the same with alcohol.

robgt350

patricia
i thought of doing that test my self to see if i can only pour one drink and not go for a second or third. but i also thought if i was successful, what is the next one, only pouring only 2 drinks and not three or four? i really liked your post, it gave me something to think about. i often asked my self can i drink normal again? what is normal to me? i don't know. what do you think?

Acheleus

Glad you got back on SR and decided not to get wasted. I can't control my drinking, and I never have just one.

mirage

Thank you for your post today, Patricia, it helped me to hear that. Sounds like you know what you have to do and that's great. Start over, you can do it.

MythOfSisyphus

It's like being cured of a weird disorder where you are compelled to eat hair, dirt and paint chips...then deciding that now that you're cured, you can probably eat just a little hair and a few paint chips! Why would we want to?

patricia68

Thank you Renarde. My plan is to have a huge slice of chocolate cake, feel sorry for myself for a little bit...and then reset the sobriety counter

patricia68

Thank you Jaylaa...oh dear...you are so right! And I can't eat lettuce anymore...I get cramps so bad they feel like labour pain...and yes, I miss my salads sometimes but I am ok with that. Now I have to do the same with wine! Thank you so much for your post!

patricia68

I think we are way past "normal" Rob...the reason I only had one glass is because I bought one of those tiny 250ml bottles...and the reason I didn't drink more is because it's late at night here and there's no way I would ask my husband to drive me to the liquor store...I would die of embarrassment (he doesn't know I have a drinking problem)...so to answer your question, no I don't think we can drink "normal" again...but in some way, I am ok with that...

patricia68

Thank you Acheleus...you know, I don't even know if I want to control it anymore...suddenly the fear of having panic attacks and blackouts because of my drinking is more powerful than my desire to be a "normal" drinker...does it make sense?

patricia68

I'll keep swimming...one day, hopefully soon, this will be just a bad memory

patricia68

Exactly!