shesawkwardd

hi guys, i need to vent.

so a little background, i live with my boyfriend and his mother. my boyfriend is currently incarcerated for a probation violation so is just me and his mom and the old guy who owns the house. yesterday i helped out a friend of mine who's going blind in one if her eyes by taking her autistic son to burger king and doing some grocery shopping for her. in return she have me $20 so i could put gas in my car and get the visitors pass I'll need to see my boyfriend when he switches sections and is sake to get visitors. you can only get the pass on Monday or Friday so night i came home so excited that i would be able to get the visitors pass in the morning (today) and was so proud that i didn't just automatically use that money to go buy heroin. i told his mom that i finally got that money i needed to have enough to get gas and the pass and about 10 minutes later she starts telling me that she can get 2mg kpins (anxiety meds that people used to get wrecked on,for those who may not know what they are) for $2 a piece and wanted me to give her the money to get them. i said I'd think about it, although i had no intention of giving her any money as her habit is no longer my problem and that money had a more important purpose then buying her drugs to feed her habit. i was exhausted from sleeping like crap the night before so i was drifting in and out of sleep while trying to text my friend about what she was trying to make me do. unfortunately i fell asleep before i could send the text.

this morning she took it upon herself to use my phone while i was asleep to make a phone call and because i fell asleep before sending the text message it was still pulled open so instead of exiting out of my message box she decided to snoop and read my messages, obviously seeing that the one that was unsent was about her. i woke up this morning to a long letter sitting under my phone. part of the message was me supposedly saying in a letter to my boyfriend that i was "having a hard time getting clean because all his mom wants to do is get high". i know for a fact i never said that but my point is not only is she snooping through my phone when I'm asleep but she's reading my personal letters to my boyfriend.

I've proceeded to putting a screen lock on my phone so she can't access it when I'm not awake to give her permission. in all honesty,she's just mad because I'm trying to get clean which means that I'm not going to supply her with drugs anymore like i have in the past. please tell me, what kind of bullcrap is that where none of my things that are 100% none of her beeswax,aren't safe from get nosey self.

any thoughts, ideas, words from the wise, ect?

Anna

My advice is leave, now and find a safe place to live. Go to a women's shelter if you have to but get out of that situation. It sounds toxic.

shesawkwardd

i have nowhere else to go and there are no woman's shelters anywhere near where i live, they all close this time of year. honestly, her drug habit isn't my problem nor do i have any intention on letting it affect what I'm trying to do for myself but it really pissed me off that she has no respect for other people's things. i don't rummage through her belongings so she shouldn't mine. she doesn't own the house, pay rent, or anything of that nature so there is absolutely no excuse to do what she did.

it's also sad that she would try to take away from her son the only thing he has, which would be me going to visit him. she doesn't care about anyone but herself.

Uninvited

It sounds like you are dependent on her for a place to live. Not a good situation. Try to get out.

Pandorable

Yuck, what an icky place to be trying to find your feet in early recovery. I don't know if you go to 12-step meetings at all, but if you're interested, you could check out an Al-Anon meeting or something similar. They're for people who have to live with or be in relationships with alcoholics/addicts. The ones I've been to have had lots of people who are "double winners" (alcoholics/addicts) themselves, and while we don't focus on our own addictions in those meetings, they're very safe spaces to mention them and to talk about your troubles at home with your boyfriend's mom.

Good for you for not using over this. Even after years of not drinking (my DOC), having drugs or drug users around me is risky, as is spending much time in drinking environments.

Sstryke

I agree Anna. Your living environment is extremely toxic. Get out as soon as you can. I know you do not want to let your friend or your friend's son down but getting clean is the most important thing right now. Have you looked in to sober living houses? Go to a 12 step meeting and ask the people there if they know of any resources in your area that you can use.

Best of luck! I'm really proud of you for deciding to stop using!