HELP - am I NORMAL!!!
 

I quit drinking 197 hours, drank, quit 62 hours, drank, quit 8 days, drank...

Each time, I was so excited about sobriety. Posted on SR with great excitement
It gave me great joy every hour not drinking.

Now on Day 2 again. I feel nothing. No joy, no excitement, no sadness, no depression.

Completely stoic about the whole thing. I want my joy back but it's not there!

Is this normal? And if so why?

Thank you

:a108::a108::a108::a108:

I would say there is no "normal" when it comes to recovery. We have good days and bad days, whether we are drinking or not. And when we are sober, everything is magnified - the good and the bad. I do remember that day 2-4 were usually the absolute worst for me. Also, it's thought that each detox gets progressively worse...so you might be experiencing some "kindling" as you cycle between drinking and sobering up so often.

Either way, keep at it - you are trying and that's what's most important. It will get better, that's for sure!

Maybe stoic is better! Sometimes a false bravado is perceived as joy! Stoic is good it's strong it's brave it's ready to stand up and fight!

Scott & imperfect thank you much

It was normal for me. Because when I was drinking, or hungover, I wasn't really living. I was existing. Existing until my next drunk. And inevitably, despite my best intentions, it would happen again. This went on for years.

It took me many years to learn to drink until I was alcoholic, and now it's taken me years to unlearn and how to stay sober. It's been two years and eight months since my last drink, and life happens but I love it, with all it's ups and downs.

My joy did come back. I take joy now in the simplest of things and it's wonderful. Just don't take that first drink one day at a time, and I promise, things will get better.

Best to you.

We are on the same page Raider. I'm on day 1 again. I have no idea what is "normal", but I hope you find peace in your journey, if not joy.

Raider, maybe you are tired of the ups and downs? Slips and relapses weigh heavily on the spirit and can get you down. Hopefully with some more time sober, you will find your joy again. Today is just one day, give it some time.

Hugs,

Ro-

It's only day 2 and your emotions are sure to continue to fluctuate. Don't focus on the past too much and let yourself get into the mindset that you can only go so far. Even if you don't think that it may creep its way into your subconscious mind and make things more difficult. Perhaps that's why you have this stoic and non-excited feeling right now. You are sober, you are alive and most importantly, you are fighting. Give it time and I'm sure those good feelings will be back!

Hi Raider, what gives you joy?

Short and sweet ;>)

I could have wrote this word for word 49 days ago.
You are completely normal.
If not,that means I'm not normal.:react

It seems normal to keep stringing days together for some people before doing the long haul.
You'll get it right,just don't give up.

I didn't feel joy in early recovery, just a deep sense of relief. The joy came later. :)

Not every time is going to be the same. You now have the experience of relapsing a few times, so it's normal that you feel different about it.

This is just a guess, but do you think the excitement was actually the reason you eventually relapsed? Like you were on an "excitement high" as a substitute for drinking? Because that high is going to end and then... Back to drinking?

Maybe this is not accurate at all or just partially in that the excitement had something to do with it but differently than I described.

Maybe it's better that you feel the way you feel now. It's a place from which you can naturally regain emotional balance and well-being as you go through recovery.

completely normal raider, its a process, go with it, don't overthink it xx

Ghost, thank you
Christy - thanks. Here we go again
Rochele & Zelda - ok hanging tough
Resolute $ Anna - thanks. Guess this is just the process
James - thank you. Food for thought.
Lorelei - ok going with it.
Valll - joy - church, animals, volunteering, family

I would have to say that my decision to end drinking back in June was more of a resigned one. I was not joyful that day or any day that soon after. Somewhere along the line I started to feel something more like a bit of a warm glow within..small at first..but it grows a smidge more...day by day.

Hi Raider, a lot of excellent posts here. I think the heavy introspective period you are in is typically a precursor to sustained sobriety....

Something jumped off the page to me so I did the math...197 hours sober blip and then 8 days....197 hours is 8 days.

So that is 8 days twice that you got tripped up. I know that your question was meant to address the larger issue, but I also think looking at patterns and cycles is important. Maybe it would help to be extra vigilant when you are approaching that point in the cycle, I wonder if getting over that hump would be a big breakthrough?

I guess the first time I realized my joy had returned was around 2 weeks after quiting.
I walked in the kitchen and noticed my wife was smirking at me. I asked her what was going on.
She said,"You were whistling".I was so wrapped up in doing some around the house/yard chores I never noticed.
She said"I haven't heard that in a long time".:wiggle:

When you get some days behind you the JOY will return.
I promise.

Thanks for your posts Raider,
you vocalize what we think.
I may not feel "Joy", as such, but the deep down feeling of well-being I've been experiencing is really motivating.
I think the body has been battling poison for a long time.:01:

My journey seems similar to yours....day 4 again! Nice to have company.

I don't know about normal Raider, but it seems to me that once we are on the addiction trail and our brains and habits are all messed up it take a good lot of unmessing! Takes all sorts!

But you do, I have to say, seem to be making it hard on yourself! No wonder you are worn out by it all. Take is easy on yourself.

NuuDawn - thank you
Janie - yes I'll be more aware
Resolute - thanks looking forward to it
W2r - thanks
Mentium - funny you said that. I just wrote in my journal I was going to take it easy today!

Thanks you guys. I love you all. Very helpful! Prayers your way!!!