Alphabet

I had ten days under my belt, then my boyfriend broke up with me and I caved. Now I'm back in the same place. Miserable, hungover; at least I have a job, now (actually, two).

I know I need to stop, I just don't feel like I'm ready. I've hit bottom, and dug deeper... I don't know why I can't completely justify a life of sobriety just yet. The prospect horrifies me for some reason.

doggonecarl

I was scared to...not of sobriety, I couldn't hardly remember what that was, but scared to give up alcohol. But I couldn't succeed in my recovery until I was fully vested in being and staying sober.

There is a life after drinking, and sobriety, even at its worse is better than the horrors my drinking created.

Why does the thought of being sober horrify you?

least

I was afraid to stop drinking too. Didn't know what I'd do with myself if I didn't drink. Was also afraid of facing life head on. But now that I'm several years sober I look back and can't imagine living that existence that I used to live.


When you want to be sober more than you want to drink, then you'll be able to stay sober.

Hooped

I've had to decide that I don't want to drink anymore and that thought is much stronger than the urge to drink for me so far.
What would horrify me is if I started drinking again.
It's a very dark place to be.

Good luck to you.

Serenity1972

You can do this if you really want it, but you do have to be ready for it. I can understand being scared. I was scared myself, but I was more scared of what alcohol was doing to me mentally and physically than I was saying goodbye to it.

Anna

It's very scary to stop drinking, but I know for sure you have to be completely motivated if you want sobriety to work. I hope you keep reading and posting.

hypochondriac

I am a big fan of faking it til you make it. I wasn't ready, but then I don't think I ever would have been. I forced myself to stop drinking and just did whatever I could to stay sober. I was sober a week before I caved and then I have managed to stay sober since for many months You can do this. Have faith and just go for it. You won't regret it. It may be tough but this thing is totally doable x

Alphabet

Thank you all (hypo, I love the Bukowski quote!)

I know I can do this. As a whole, I'm stronger than the part of me that's slowly allowing me to kill myself. I will die from this if I let it continue, there's no question. At 27 years old its already bad enough that my liver is showing signs of permanent damage.

I would love to be able to come here at the one year mark and post my story. Or visit a detox center to let people know that no matter how bad it seems to get you can still pull yourself up and better your life.

Wouldn't it be nice to be able to "just stop"?

hayley86

You can do it Alpha. Get as much support as necessary for your recovery. You know you have everyone here rooting for you too.

Alphabet

Right now I feel as though I have no one. My only friend is inebriation.

I'm afraid to start "feeling" again. Even though I'm happy and alert (obv) when sober, the prospect of "living" right now scares me to death.

AlefVavResh

Just be sober for 24 hours at a time. The fear is never getting to "enjoy" another drink. So instead promise yourself, "Today, I won't drink" Then tomorrow try it again.

hayley86

You have SR for support Alpha. Maybe you could check out what support is available in your area...possibly aa or something else like you said before?. Face to face support can be great. Its natural to be afraid to start feeling again. By drinking we have been numbing all of our emotions and feelings for a long time. It takes time to learn how to cope with facing fears and feelings without a drink. I got overwhelmed if i thought too far ahead. I took it one day at a time.

Alphabet

SR absolutely helps, so I'll keep coming back whenever I can. The love and support had gotten me to ten days, the longest I've gone without a drink that I can remember, and I'm certain that staying connected here could keep me on the track to sobriety.

serious

10 days and the fact that you are here already proves something.

i was so scared of giving up alcohol... what would i do? how would i live? would i have to stay at home on saturday nights? .. until i realized that it was my AV talking and not me.

the real you wants to be happy and sober. people aren't meant to suffer.

p.s. try some reading on AVRT it might help you to see where is your true self and where is your addition talking.

longbeachone

Drinking made me afraid of everything. I was afraid of opening the mail! No way to live.

Nuudawn

I drank my way through a break up...so it took about 5 years to get over it. And I didn't really get over it..I just re-enacted the same damn story in the next relationship...and then the one after that.

I know you're in pain...but if I could go back in time...I really wished I had faced the pain and gotten through it in a natural and timely manner. I wasted so so many years

MythOfSisyphus

You probably won't be ready to stop until a few months after you already have. If you wait for the perfect time to quit you'll probably die still an active drunk.

Bizooky

[QUOTE=Alphabet;4175067]Thank you all (hypo, I love

At 27 years old its already bad enough that my liver is showing signs of permanent damage.


You are so wise to be here now. Don't wait until you are 48 like me. I wish I hadn't wasted so many years drinking and dealing with all of the horrible feelings that go along with it.

firstymer

I am realizing, finally, that I never solved a problem drunk as well as I am able to solve it sober. I just mostly avoided them until they got worse.

I hope you stay with us here at SR, Alphabet. People here DO care.

Alphabet

The worst part? He was emotionally and at times physically abusive. But to be discarded by someone that you've invested years in, you still mourn the loss. I'm better off without him - no more black eyes or cigarette burns - but to have him toss me aside so flippantly...

I'm at a loss.