SillyString

I am serious this time. I was still conflicted a few weeks ago when I came here to post. But now, I think I finally, really, truly see that the drinking is beyond my control. I've tried it all - changing from hard liquor to beer, waiting until a certain time of day to drink, spacing my drinks out (which works for like, maybe an hour). None of it works. It's the same thing every weekend. (I'm a weekend warrior - I don't drink during the week). I've spent so much time thinking about and wondering why other people can drink and I can't. I finally see that it doesn't matter what they can or cannot do. It only matters what this is doing to my life, my psyche, my husband. And, really, how do I KNOW what others' drinking is doing to them on the inside. I don't. I can't. So to even compare myself to someone else is just stupid to begin with.

I don't want to be the person I become when I drink, and I don't want to be the miserable, sick with anxiety person I become after I drink. I don't want to BE this person. I have already stopped (on Sunday as I always do), and my plan is to read everything I can on recovery, come here to SR for inspiration and understanding, and anticipate my triggers, and create a plan to deal with them before they occur.

I did this once before in 2010 for 4 months. So, I know that I can do this. I know where and why I relapsed, and will take steps to avoid those circumstances this time around. I'm sick of the merry go round, and so tired of starting to really loathe myself and disappoint myself. The mental battle has stolen so much of my time. And I'm just done.

soberhawk

It is
I saw it as stupid to use time and energy to try to control something that in reality was not doing anything good for my.

The thought is just so dumm – I am surprised that I have used that many years on it.

Best of luck to you – I am sure you can do it,

stpatrickgirl

Thanks so much for your post. I am in a similar situation and just trying to quit drinking. I missed work today because of being a weekend warrior myself and I have to knock it off. I have not successfully stayed sober for more than 5 or 6 days at a time for several years, so I'm pretty certain it will be a challenge. Just so you know you are not alone.

Cinderblock18

Congratulations! I'm a weekend warrior too! The more I poked around here on SR, the more I realized my drinking would inevitably get worse. I still have moments where I just wish I could drink normal, but the evidence is black and white. I tried for several years, and I just could not. Keep coming back! Lots of great support. You can do it!

LadyBlue0527

Congratulations on your decision and

I could have posted the same exact thing almost 4 months ago word for word. This is a great place with a lot of support. I wouldn't be sober today if it weren't for SR!

SillyString

StPatrickGirl -
I'm exactly like you - I'm fantastically sober basically Sunday through Friday at 5. Then look out. It's black out city, waking up and needing to drink in the a.m. just to keep the hangover at bay, then another black out and boom, it's Sunday, and I feel remorseful, sick, anxiety ridden and worried that I've said or done something awful. Then comes the "detox' - elevated heartbeat, sweating and overheating, terrible sleep or awful dreams.

Do you drink alone, or are you hanging with a crowd that drinks a lot too? If you're hanging with a crowd, you might have to find something else to physically do during the time you'd normally be drinking. If you're drinking alone, I'd say, again - physically do something else that forces you to interrupt the pattern.

I know that putting myself in with the crowd of drinkers led to my relapse 3 yrs. ago, and just having a few beers that first or second time, led me to drinking to black out for the next 3 years. We were all at an outdoor event - like camping, (which I hate, by the way - but hey - drinks!), and the weather was MISERABLE, torrential rain, mud everywhere for days, and there was nothing, and I mean nothing to do but listen to their music (which I also hated) and, I wasn't drinking, so I was pretty much in HELL. So...that's when I said, you know, just a few won't hurt, take the edge off...everyone else is plastered, so if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Looking back I can't believe I put myself in that situation. But I can see clearly now that I did just that. I think I've learned from it, and this time, I'm going to take this very, very seriously.

Anna

It sounds like you have great perspective and a good plan. I think it's important to figure out weak spots in your life and to plan around them. I know you can do this.

Serenity1972

SillyString - Welcome back. I am glad you decided that drinking is not for you. I was a weekend warrior as well. I would drink 2.5 days a week (more if there was a holiday involved) with 4.5 days off only to repeat the cycle for 8 years (I drank a lot like you). I figured since I didn't drink everyday that there was no way I could be an alcoholic. Well, little did I know that it is not how many days a week you drink, but where that first drink takes you (for me it was drinking until I blacked out). My drinking become unbearable in late July and I knew at that point that something had to be done about the insanity. I don't remember how I got here, but I am glad I did. I have been sober for 5 weekends in a row with the help of SR and AVRT and I can't tell you how good Monday's feel now.

If I can do this, so can you. I am cheering for ya!

Dee74

sounds like a great decision silly string

D

Renarde

How are you doing SillyString?