8 years sober and struggling!
 

Hi, I'm new to this site but have spent some time reading through your blogs and forums and I've decided that I need something like this just now. After being a severe alcoholic for nearly 10 years, I battled through rehab and counselling and finally knocked the drink on the head 8 years ago. I'm finding things a bit tough at the moment and I had several drinks on Saturday (2 days ago) thinking that after all this time, surely I can handle it!!! Well, I can't!! I feel physically awful but I know this will pass in a day or two, what really hurts is the guilt, feeling of failure, self esteem in the gutter and the fact that my loved ones are more than disappointed in me right now. What on earth made me think it was a good idea? I need to start again but it's hard!

Welcome,

Well, this disease is relentless, that's for sure.

What led up to you drinking on the Saturday? Did you feel particularly stressed or had something happened?

I do know you can get past this and get back to your recovery. :)

Hi. I really feel for your situation. It is hard. But thankfully you realise how much you have hurt yourself and those close to you. All you can do is pick yourself up and go forward. Indeed your experience is a very sharp reminder to me never to let it back into my life.

Hi Amanda,

Welcome to SR. Eight years of sobriety is huge, don't let this little slip take you back to where you were 8 years ago. I am new in sobriety, but it amazes me that people that have been sober for years still face the same issues us newbies do. It is a great reminder to us all. I know that this is a lifetime battle that we are all going to have to face, but there are many of us to help each other though.

Take Care.

amanda1, good for you and the sobriety, you are doing the right thing. turning around after 1 day out.

unfortunately, we have horrible memories - "it wasn't so bad..." YES IT WAS !!!!

Hi Amanda,
I have eight years of sobriety as well and when you don't think about not drinking all the time, then there are those thoughts of, 'well, I have this licked.....' that can pop up and quietly settle. I have to just poke myself to think through the 'just one drink'.
Try not to berate yourself too much for the slip, worrying about the past can lead to a vicious cycle of regret, making it harder to pull yourself free.
Learn from the mistake and take this lesson with you going forward. You are human after all. :)
You know how well you can do and now you have this bit of a slip to add to your arsenal.
:)

Welcome Amanda, 8 years sober is fantastic. Try to not beat yourself up about this slip. You are here posting and continuing with your recovery. Lots of support here. Wishing you well.

Thank you all for your welcoming words of encouragement. My confidence has taken a bit of a knock recently and I think I thought just one or two drinks would make me forget all that for a little while. Of course, we all know that just one drink changes our thought process and one drink led to 10! It shocked me that the 'hang over' I'm still experiencing 2 days later feels as severe as it did when I gave up alcohol in rehab all those years ago - I'm still having tremors! These are the most difficult and dangerous few days as I know that to have another drink would stop these tremors and the negative thoughts going round in my head but I also know that to have another drink would lead to somewhere I never want to go again. Thank you for your support, just being here right now has gotten me through another hour :)

Hi Amanda, what great news to hear you're already sick of your recent last drink. Yeah, it never gets any better out there no matter how much time or experience has passed - a hundred years since my last drink would still be to soon to drink again.

Sorry its still a struggle for you just now - it will of course get better as you discover what took you back out. Lot's of helpful people to help you figure it all out - no worries. YOU CAN stay sober! Those 8 years still have awesome power of experience in your life today! :)

Hi Amanda.

I had similar thoughts after twenty five years without drinking. I imagined I could drink safely, that if things got out of hand I'd be able to rein it in, and that because I had all that time, I could probably manage my drinking this time around. Unfortunately, I kept drinking for three more years, during which time I destroyed everything good in my life.

For me, not doing the things that got me sober was my downfall. I severed all my connections with AA after about thirteen years, which slowly began my relapse. The final act of that relapse, picking up the drink, didn't happen for twelve more years.

Coming back and getting sober was the most difficult thing I've ever done. It was an impossible struggle...extremely painful, and I'd lost all hope.

You didn't say what lead up to your relapse, or that you'd been using supports, treatment or a program to achieve and maintain your sobriety. If you don't have those things in place, then you're doing yourself a tremendous disservice.

Come back and find a way to stay.

Amanda. I lost my 5 years of sobriety to the "just one on special occasions" mistake. Unfortunately for me, I allowed that to turn into four years of drinking again. If you only slipped one day and are already putting things right - good for you! Don't beat yourself up. I truly admire you.

I think the biggest mistake would be to think you have "lost" eight years of sobriety. You still have that experience and all its lessons. You slipped. This is only as big as you make it. There is a lot more that defines a person than whether or not they drank after a period of time. There are many people that drink every day or drink occassionally and you did no different on this one occasion than they do. You did nothing "wrong", only something potentially very harmful to you if you do not learn from it quickly and put the event behind and just keep on living a sober life. Slipping, is not a major catastrophe. It is what happens afterwards that makes the difference. Don't awfullize this event and make it something that leads you further down. There should be no feelings of failure. The drinking event is not a failure and does not define you.

There really is a lot of support on this website and I truly thank you all for taking the time for me today. Feeling a little better now, tremors are going and I have been able to hold a cup of coffee without spilling it! I'm determined that this slip is not going to lead to anything further and I'm trying not to beat myself up about it as several of you have suggested. You have reminded me of the 'toolbox' I put in place 8 years ago whether that be a taking a different route home from work so I don't go near a shop or having a bath until the current 20 minutes of severe craving passes. If one good thing has come out of this, it is that I KNOW that I cannot just have one! However long I manage to maintain sobriety, I must not get complacent or put myself in unnecessary risky situations. Again, I thank you all for helping me get through what has been the hardest day I've had in a long time and if there is any help I can give to any of you, just ask. I will continue reading your posts and support you all where I can... I look forward to getting to know some of you a little better. xxx

Yay for you, Amanda! Get right back in there and SHINE! You are inspiring to me!

Day 7 here.

Best,
Melina

Day 7... Great news Melina, you've got a week in your pocket! It really is one day at a time and the days when it seems particularly tough, it might be minute by minute or hour by hour but you'll get there. Remember to be kind to yourself and reward yourself along the way... Treat yourself to a magazine, some nail polish or an hour relaxing with a book - just something small in recognition of your achievements.
Much love xAx

Welcome Amanda :)

I'm really glad you found us and I'm so glad you stopped the slide before it got worse - your story is a great lesson for anyone reading :)

D

Hi Amanda
I truly admire you for going 8 years because im only on day 8. Dont beat yourself up too much however we all know you will because we all would beat up ourselves too. One day falling off the wagon is okay. You are human therefore not perfect. Im sure those closest to you will understand that. Let me know if you need to talk! It only took 3 nights of withdrawls for me, but it was hell, so i can imagine what you are going through.

Pleased to meet you Amanda! I'm sorry for all you've been through.

I can relate - I did the same thing. I had 3 yrs. sober, not 8 - but I decided I could have a few once in awhile - and off I went for 7 years! I didn't do what you're doing - I didn't stop myself and get back on track right away. Be proud of yourself for handling it the way you are. It's going to be ok Amanda - thanks for posting and telling your story. I hope you'll stay with us for a long time. :)

if we continue drinking
 

Hi, Amanda. Sorry you had a slip, but that's all it was. You might have taken a wrong turn, but you can get back on the expressway right away. I know it's painful for you to tell this story, but your experience is teaching me and giving me strength. Wishing you all the best. :hug: