Uncomfortable
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: NY
Posts: 18
Uncomfortable
So last night my wife and I were invited to have dinner at the neighbors bc our sons will be starting kindergarten tomorrow. I have been sober for one month now (yeah) and I was a bit nervous heading into this situation. Not for the fear that I might want to drink, but fear of knowing they like to drink and that it would be offered and I would know how to respond. Well they did offer me a drink multiple times and I asked for a soda each time. I felt really uncomfortable bc I felt I had to explain my situation and I know people can make assumptions based on the word "alcoholic". The unsettled feeling comes from the fact that I am only 4 weeks sober and having or wanting to explain this would make everyone else uncomfortable. I would love to hear different ways that SBers have handled this situation. Do you make up a story and say I stopped drinking years ago or I can't because of health situations? Or do I just let new people that enter my life know that I recently stopped drinking bc it was a problem for me? Thanks in advanced!
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,242
Depending who I'm with or where I am....
No thank you, im not drinking at the moment seems to work ok, polite but firm, some will push it, but if they push it too much I just say, im not being funny but im not changing my mind, sparkly water please.
I have been known when asked why im not drinking, to ask the incredibly rude and pushy host why they *are* drinking.....
L x
No thank you, im not drinking at the moment seems to work ok, polite but firm, some will push it, but if they push it too much I just say, im not being funny but im not changing my mind, sparkly water please.
I have been known when asked why im not drinking, to ask the incredibly rude and pushy host why they *are* drinking.....
L x
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,393
Hi Lando, great job on a month! Woop Woop. I don't think saying you can't drink for health is making up a story. Not for me. Alcohol was ruining my health. Fact. If it is someone who is not that close to you, I don't bring out the Alcoholic card. Because I don't want that focus. I want everyone to enjoy their evening without the elephant in the room. I am sober over 3 years. I just say I would like a coke. Everyone doesn't want to have an alcohol discussion. It sounds like they just wanted to drink since they kept offering. I just say I'm in the mood for a coke, please you all have whatever you want. And change the subject. If it's someone who is close to you, maybe you have the discussion. But you don't have to.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
when I first got sober I assumed that everyone saw drinking as being as important as I did, so I had a great essay of reasons prepared...
the simple fact is most people simply didn't care if I drank or not.
The only people who did care where people I used to drink with...and the only thing they need to know is me saying 'no thank you'.
You can add more if you like, but that's the only thing people really need to know - me saying 'no, thank you'
congrats on your month
D
the simple fact is most people simply didn't care if I drank or not.
The only people who did care where people I used to drink with...and the only thing they need to know is me saying 'no thank you'.
You can add more if you like, but that's the only thing people really need to know - me saying 'no, thank you'
congrats on your month
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 332
Congrats on your month sober, Lando! If people are being nosy, I don't feel bad about lying:
"I'm on a pretty strict diet"
"I can't because of a medication I'm on" (most people are not sooooo nosy as to pursue that one
Or "I'm watching my health"
Hell, you can even come up with a great whopper yourself. It's not anyone's bizness anyhow!
Best to you,
June
"I'm on a pretty strict diet"
"I can't because of a medication I'm on" (most people are not sooooo nosy as to pursue that one
Or "I'm watching my health"
Hell, you can even come up with a great whopper yourself. It's not anyone's bizness anyhow!
Best to you,
June
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
You might just try 'no thanks. Not keen on alcohol as it happens. Unusual I know, but it doesn't seem to agree with me'.
However it says something about the status of alcohol and the pretend games people play to reinforce the acceptability of their own drinking. A simple. 'No thanks - a coke would be great', should suffice after all.
I don't judge anyone else - how could I given my history - but when I look around there do seem to be an awful lot of people drinking an awful lot of booze!
..and congratulations on a month!
However it says something about the status of alcohol and the pretend games people play to reinforce the acceptability of their own drinking. A simple. 'No thanks - a coke would be great', should suffice after all.
I don't judge anyone else - how could I given my history - but when I look around there do seem to be an awful lot of people drinking an awful lot of booze!
..and congratulations on a month!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: NY
Posts: 18
Originally Posted by pinkdog 
Hi Lando, great job on a month! Woop Woop. I don't think saying you can't drink for health is making up a story. Not for me. Alcohol was ruining my health. Fact. If it is someone who is not that close to you, I don't bring out the Alcoholic card. Because I don't want that focus. I want everyone to enjoy their evening without the elephant in the room. I am sober over 3 years. I just say I would like a coke. Everyone doesn't want to have an alcohol discussion. It sounds like they just wanted to drink since they kept offering. I just say I'm in the mood for a coke, please you all have whatever you want. And change the subject. If it's someone who is close to you, maybe you have the discussion. But you don't have to.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
You are not obligated to tell anyone that you are an alcoholic or to explain yourself.
I simply say no thanks and if they continue to go on about why I just smile and say nothing or change the subject.
I simply say no thanks and if they continue to go on about why I just smile and say nothing or change the subject.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 380
I think it's important to be confident in your original decision to not drink.
What ever I say it comes out confidently and it's usually along the lines of, " Not tonight."
I agree with the others who said people really don't much care. No matter what you say, keep going strong!
What ever I say it comes out confidently and it's usually along the lines of, " Not tonight."
I agree with the others who said people really don't much care. No matter what you say, keep going strong!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
'No, thanks!' works for me and always has. I don't owe anyone an explanation as to what I drink or don't drink. It's rude, very rude, of someone to question my, No thanks. When it has occasionally happened, I just remain quiet and carry on. I suffered enough guilt as an alcoholic, and I refuse to feel guilty because I am not drinking.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,335
When I first stopped drinking I was careful to not be around alcohol. It's been over a year now and we went to a dinner party this week end. I really was amazed how little I thought about what I was going to drink or say. I drank iced tea and we had a lovely time I think it gets easier with time....so hang in there!
I think it gets easier with time....so hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 345
i just politely tell people "why do you need to force booze on me, it will not make this party any better, what would make this party better is you focusing on being a better host and bringing some appetizers around"
the only drawback with this approach, is it seems that i am getting less and less invites to social gatherings
the only drawback with this approach, is it seems that i am getting less and less invites to social gatherings
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Indiana
Posts: 64
I honestly don't give a reason.. "No thank you, I don't drink" seems to work for me.... My husband even drinks on Sunday (football) and had friends over today.. I was upbeat, smiling, dancing even with my kids.. His buddy said, " Is she drinking?" Felt amazing to hear him say, no she doesn't drink. People that will PUSH you, clearly have issues themselves. Don't explain yourself, like I don't, and leave it at that. I applaud you for staying sober.
People that will PUSH you, clearly have issues themselves. Don't explain yourself, like I don't, and leave it at that. I applaud you for staying sober.
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