Pushing through today
 

I signed up today because I need all the support I can get right now. I went into to detox on 8/4 because my drinking was out of control and dangerous to my health. My blood alcohol level was .319 and because my tolerance was so high I didn't even seem drunk. Anyway, 34 days sober and I'm finishing up outpatient on Monday. I've worked full time and went to IOP 3 nights a week. There have been hard days/cravings/emotions all of that. I pushed through it all and feel A LOT better. I'm posting today because the last 3 days of work have triggered me beyond belief. Our company is firing a ton of people and I'm in sales so high stress anyway. I got threatened along with a lot of other people. Friday, our new boss:gaah fired all the higher ups. I'm walking on pins and needles and yesterday around 4:40pm I wanted a drink so bad it made me cry. To battle work and this addiction head on is been making me crave the last few days. I'm fighting it just not sure how to stop it because I know it will pass because it has the last few times. I guess I'm just needing to say that yesterday and today has been super tough and all I can think about is how a drink will make this stress/craving go away. I won't drink, I'll fight it but just wanted to express that I'm just trying to get through today hoping that tomorrow will be better.

Pray for me.....

Welcome!

I know how the stress of work can cause lots of upset. Just try to step back and take a breath because you're doing great getting through this. In the last week, I one of my co-workers was fired and one quit, and we are a small group, so it's been very unsettling. Stay focused on your recovery. :)

stress and fear can really take a toll ACH32 but there's a lot of support here :)

welcome aboard :)
D

Congrats on your 34 days sober :)

You're doing great... Just don't let picking up a drink be an option.

I can understand a job is one of the most stressful things ever. Keep doing what you've been doing. And look into urge surfing if you haven't yet.

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You have made so much progress ACH and it WILL keep getting better. Drinking will not make anything better..only worse. You are on the right path to success. I know the job situation is difficult but drinking will not change what does or does not happen. You will keep getting stronger everyday. Hang in there and we are with you.

I am glad you are here AC. I am only at Day 13, but thanks to the people at SR, this is my longest period of sobriety in my adult lifetime. Welcome. Stay close. We are all in this together.

ACH32, 34 day sober? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations. Drinking would just make things worse. Rootin for ya. :egypt:

It is said that you never have to drink again if you don't want to. I believe that to be true. The key is willingness to do whatever it takes. Ask yourself that rhetorical question. Anything? Because that is what it does take.

I hope you are willing.

There is joy beyond the drink...

Warren

Dear ach, wow. you have really done an amazing job. It will get easier. Have you tried urge surfing? It's a method to ride out the cravings. I use it for anxiety management. I am so impressed with all that you have done. Keep going friend. :c011:

Hi ACH32,

Welcome and I'm so glad that you came here and posted. This board is full of information and amazing people. It's been the difference for me.

You CAN do this.

It will get better ACH. Welcome to a supportive and encouraging place. I think being here with us will help lessen your anxiety. You're among people who truly understand what you're going through and how hard it is to resist temptation.

The thing is - a drink isn't going to make the stress go away. That's a lie we've always told ourselves. It only seems like an answer - to get numb for a bit - but our problems remain unsolved, and then we have hangovers and remorse to deal with. I got sober when I finally really got it that drinking made nothing any better, happier or easier.

You can do this - we're with you ACH! :)

Thank you for the support. I have been looking for support like this for the last 34 days :) People who really UNDERSTAND my thoughts, emotions, physical cravings etc....
I felt like that my outpatient was my safe zone at night (3 hours Mon/Wed/Thurs) it is coming to an end on Monday. I'm scared and a little lost. I'm looking at AA meetings and have an aftercare group on Wednesdays. Also, working on an addiction therapist and I'm lucky that my friends and family are super supportive and no alcohol in the house or around me.
No matter how much they love me and want to help nobody can face the demons of this addiction but me. Days like today, writing and reading posts on here will be the therapy that helps me get through rough days :)

Look forward to being on here for the long haul.....

SR has been great for me. I did a 20 day outpatient too. SR is the most interaction I do with other alcoholics these days. I get more from it than my aftercare group, which surprised me.

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

ACH,

You will hear much about AA here and other places. Good and bad. Much of it by people who know little about it.

In my case, it is the one thing I can count on in life. An approach to living, a place to go where I am ALWAYS welcome and understood, even when (as now) I am traveling.

My first time through AA I made an mistake in thinking it was about not drinking. So, I did that. Until I began drinking again. Hah!

Now I realize that my drinking was really about being spiritually f'ed up, leading to massive character defects. Why else would this man do what I did to myself and my beloved family? The 12 steps help us figure out why good people do really, really bad things.

From what little you wrote, you appear to be in a death spiral like so many of us. It CAN be avoided. I hope you choose life...

Finding joy in the moment,

warren

welcome ACH.
i don't think you are in a " death spiral"...(doom and gloom are not helpful)
i think you did a smart thing by reaching out here and connecting...better than running for a drink.
work stress is awful...i was in a terrible circumstance myself that went on over 18 months...it will pass and you can think outside the box about career options too. a drink will not erase the stress, just mask the problem and make you feel worse.

Welcome, 34 days sober is great. Lots of support here.

Fandy,

I respectfully disagree. I do not think we do others favors by minimizing the seriousness of the issue. Blood alcohol >.30. Tolerance so high he didn't seem drunk, when that level is close to fatal for many people. Horrid cravings. Stress and anxiety off the charts.

I am a "high bottom drunk." I didn't lose the career, cars, home, kids. That was a disadvantage, as it obfuscated the seriousness of my issue. Had I continued, I am convinced that I would not be on top of the sod today.

Many of us MUST have a catharsis so vivid that we cannot ignore it. Some call it a spiritual awakening. I can show no greater affection for ACH than to raise the spectre of death, whether it is physical death or death of spirit, or death of career, family, future, etc.

You mean well, I am sure. But, would you tell one with a lump in her breast that "this will pass?" I have seen too many die from this disease, I am sorry.

I am not really interested in a back and forth on this issue. I would LOVE to be wrong in this person's case. But, he would be an exception among thousands.

The good news? 34 days is fabulous!! A long time for an alcoholic like me. I remember, at that point, thinking perhaps I might be able to manage that "normal drinking thing." Yeah, you guessed it, it didn't work.

Choose life. Choose joy.

Warren

Warren, I agree with you and understand now the magnitude of how dangerous the situation was when I was admitted into the hospital.

I've been an athlete and in sports my entire life so health has never been an issue so I think my disease had me convinced I was "invinciable".

I guess I didn't state this before but I'm a woman ;)

This disease is real and it will take your life if you don't get help. I know that now. I'm battling and will keep fighting.

Thank you both for the posts.

this isn't the place to debate recovery methods....the thread was started by OP for support and encouragement.

that's what I'm doing....

the work stress will pass ACH, it's not worth ruining your month+ of good sobriety. I hope you consider more FTF support after your IOP ends on Monday, you will benefit from a plan to help you transition from the group therapy you've had to keep sober.
You stated that you feel "a lot better" and will not drink, you want to build on that...doing something else will also help relieve the stress you are experiencing in your job. There are so many options we get to have when we are sober.

keep posting and reading, it really will help you.

oops, I'm sorry I didn't realize you were female...same advice though. :c011:

Hah! Sorry for the gender mixup. Not the first time for that assumption.

That said, your BAC at the time was even more dangerous...for a female.

Minimizing and justifying were my favorite pastimes. I was an athlete as well and the ravages were more to my spirit and character. I was terminally unique.

I am interested only in your healing, could care less about anything else. Having tried almost everything else, my path is now one that millions have found life saving.

My point had nothing to do with method however, only with the seriousness of the struggle. And we must be willing to do ANYTHING to recover. The disease is that serious. Cunning, baffling, powerful. In my case, I needed to surrender completely. My will was not strong enough.

For millions of us, the obsession is lifted. I hope it happens for you as well. You could never have convinced me that life could be this good without alcohol.

This is an equal opportunity disease, taking down rich, poor, PhD's and poets and plumbers. It does not discriminate.

34 days is wonderful! 35 days is even better. It doesn't matter how many days, we all need to get up in the morning and say "I can do the next 24 hours."

Joy,

Warren