tjol81

This is my first post and I'm not thinking entirely clearly so I'm sorry if it's wrong. I am desperate for advice please. The man who I have considered my close friend has just told me a pack of lies and got right back into his drinking and cocaine tonight. I'm turning into a classic Co dependent. We're both 32 and male and have/had a very close friendship bond. We were friends when we were younger and have only recently met up again. knew when I spoke to him earlier this evening that something wasn't right. He gets abusive thinking he's being funny. We all recognise the signs of our respective "partners" relapsing etc. I know he absolutely hates being how he is and so do I, but I'm beginning to despise who he becomes too

I'd being if I said I wasn't extremely hurt or upset by tonight but what worries me more is tomorrow. I haven't let him know that I'm aware of his current relapsing, but I know tomorrow, the consequences of his actions are going to set off a horrific chain of events that I don't know if I can watch again. his binges usually last 5 or 6 days and end with some pretty serious and deep self harming. I don't think I can cope with another one!

Please someone try to guide me about what I should do when he calls. I've been trying to be his friend for 9 months now, and it's it's really taking its toll on me physically, emotionally and mentally. I am going to go to an AlAnon meeting as soon as possible to get this sorted, but until then, I know I'm going to have to face him and I really do not know what to say or do. Please help if you can. I'm so lost. Thank you

yukonm

Hi There......I don't know what to tell you but I will share with you what someone told me who cared about me but wasn't willing to watch me self-destruct. He said, "I love you but I love me more. For my own well-being I'm going to have to let you find your own way."
It was a rude awakening for me. No accusations, no blaming...just to the point. I couldn't hate him, I understood. That was many years ago and although we never got back together, I did get clean and sober and we are the best of friends now.

Dee74

Hi and welcome tjol81

I'm not sure sure I can guide you through what you can say - but I can point you towards our Family and Friends forums -

The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com

you'll find a lot of experience and understanding there.

If you feel this relationship is not good for you right now, I think it's perfectly ok to step back a little.

D

least

to SR! I'm glad you found us and joined the family.

tjol81

Thank you for your replies. I know I just have to let it go and carry on. After reading a few more topics as suggested, I feel I'm ready to give what yukonm suggested. Thank you for listening when I'm in a dark place.

IOAA2

A saying that I think comes from Al Anon " If I'm invited to a fight I don't have to participate."

deeker

I wouldn't let anyone in my life if it interferred with my serenity. Your happiness should be more important.

If I am in any situation that is beginning to break that peace barrier, steal my serenity,
I simply leave. I have choices today.

I don't have to make excuses anymore. I don't allow people to put me on guilt trips anymore and
I no longer put people on guilt trips anymore.

I have a right to be happy and a right to make choices regarding that happiness.

If certain people are not a positive force in my life I don't have to make excuses why I have to
leave that situation. I just simply bow out.

If I am not a positive force in the lives of others I would not expect them to want to be around
me either.

Today I have peace and I will protect it fiercely.