beverleywood

I am having a hard time with my sister's death (liver failure due to acute alcoholism). She was 41. Everyone in the family tried very hard, including an intervention that resulted in voluntary detox 2 years ago. We *think* she had 10 weeks sober in late 2003 but she disappeared again come Christmas and the next time she surfaced, in late January, she was obviously drinking again.

I live 3,000 miles away and worry that I could have done more. I began to detach from her this winter, as she was always drinking whenever I talked to her, and I wish I hadn't done that. I told her many times that if she didn't stop drinking, she would die, but she didn't seem to register the severity of it (not sure I did either, actually).

Can anyone recommend some good websites for the guilt that family feel in a case like this? I know on an intellectual level that there was nothing we could do. But emotionally, I feel that I failed her

kckman

beverleywood, my thought are with with during this very sad moment. from what you have written it sounds like you did every thing you could for her. god bless you and your family.

Abugslife

A loss of a little sister, no matter what the circumstances is always very painful. I just lost my dad, and I feel like if I had been able to be there, he might still be here today. As I have been told many times, there is no point in beating yourself up over this though.

This really goes to underscore just how hurt we as family we can be. Please take care of you.

Gabe

Hi beverlywood,
I'm very sorry to hear that you lost your sister. Guilt is one of the stages of the grieving process. Especially in situations like yours. I hope you will believe me when I say that there is nothing that you could have done to prevent what happened. You couldn't have controlled or stopped her drinking, only she had the power to do that.
Losing a loved one is very, very hard.
Please be gentle with yourself. And remember that we're here when you need to talk.
Gabe

zoomer

Bev, after I lost my mother due to cancer I went to this great web site that deals with loss no matter what kind it's call GROWW and it's on AOL. I'm so sorry for your loss and one that could be prevented is a great tragedy. I for one thank you for sharing your pain with us here...You never know, you and your baby sister might have saved one person today by telling your sister's story. (((((((((((((huggys))))))))

Dan

My sincere sympathies to you and your family.
Your post moved me a great deal.
This website might help.
http://www.journeyofhearts.org/jofh/
The pages on accidental and traumatic death are probably where you would want to go. There is a search engine there.

mackat

hi bev
mack- an alcoholic here- SR may be the place to talk of this- especially the al anon boards. Your post struck home. My brother is extremely ill [cyrossis. hep c] from this disease. He is not expected to live thru the end of this year. I am in recovery, tried intervention, took my sponsor to 12 step him. made my direct amends to him, am a living example of what a life in recovery can look like... nothing has worked.

This is who my brother is, this is what my brother is. My acceptance is one of profound and utter sorrow. And i go thru episodes of guilt- especially as he and i worked, rode, fought, drank together for many years. I try to no longer ask why i got this program and he never even gave it a try..."why" is to demand of the Universe that which is not in my province to know. The pain of the lessons in front of me are deep. I share your sorrow. I can only assure you as my sponsor has assured me- we each have done what we were capable of doing- we cannot believe that we going to control/change another person.
your posting here may well be part of the lesson your sister and my brother are teaching us.
this is so hard....
mack

indigo

Bev,

I feel your pain,at last your sister has found some peace, but oh what questions we ask ourselves at such a time. I wish you strength and love to carry you through.
INDIGO X

KelKel

Dearest Beverlywood
My heart goes out to you and your family. Zoomer is right others reading your thread and realizing how deadly this disease is may save someones life, mine included.
I do not know of any websites, but it may be a good idea for you and your family to get involved with alanon. They have great tools and support to help you all deal with your loss. Sharing here at SR can really help as well.
Much LOVE & LIGHT to you...


PS. Your sister is with angels now and finally out of her pain...

CRS3

[QUOTE=KelKel]Dearest Beverlywood
My heart goes out to you and your family. Zoomer is right others reading your thread and realizing how deadly this disease is may save someones life, mine included.


Ditto. Thank you for sharing at such a painful time.Dealing with the death of a loved one is so heartbreaking. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your faimly. "sleeps with angles tonight"
---J

beverleywood

Thanks to all for your good and kind thoughts. It would be really wonderful if her death could make someone think twice.

Chy

It already has!

Welcome and my condolences on your loss.

1Marty

Beverley, Marty here, Alcoholic. Sorry about the loss of your sister. Thanks for posting about it here. Many will have to chance to read it, and I'm sure it will help others to stop and think of what this disease can lead to.

historyteach

Beverly;
I just want to express my sincere sorrow at the loss of your sister. She was young. Please know, though, that you didn't cause it, couldn't control it and couldn't cure it. I, too, lost an old b/f due to alcoholism. I know some of the pain you are dealing with. Why someone goes down this path, and another doesn't is beyond our ability to understand.
Please try to focus on the good times you had with your sister. Know that she love you.
I agree you need support during this difficult time. Some sites have been given here. You might also try www.webmd.com . The message boards have a site for greiving. Finally, you might want to try some individual or group counseling too. Your local mental health agency will have counselore ready to assist you and they have sliding scales for people with limited incomes. Please look into it.
Again, I am sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers.
Shalom!

In memory of miracle

My heart goes out to you.So sorry . Prayers Trish

tunieboo

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. You did everything you could to help her. Please don't let guilt eat at you. You and your family are in my prayers.

Soul Catcher

I am also sorry to hear about your loss. Find strength in her weakness and maybe you can be a teacher to someone who doesn't know the seriousness of it. God Bless.

Little Missy

My heart goes out to you at this very difficult time. I am so sorry for your loss. I'm sure she is now watching over you. Your own guardian angel.

May you find peace.
Missy

beverleywood

Thanks guys. The angels came to her Missy... she called dad at 6am the day she died and said "my two angels are talking to me, they said it was time to make some phone calls because it looks like today will be the day"....

We all take great comfort in that phone call.

Please, everyone on these boards, stay safe and know that there is help if you can just reach for it..

kckman

those two angels are so beautiful. thanks for sharing it with all of us.