Acheleus

No. I will let the people with families and children and pets and support post how much better they feel when they quit drinking. I get worse when I quit drinking, and I miss my pet parrot and no one ever asks me how I am doing in my life. So I will post when I feel good and not bring people down. I still do not care about myself so I must be doing something wrong. No one at work or in my life likes me, and if it is my fault I do not know what to do. People are greedy, vicious animals, and selfish.


So no more negative stuff from me.

Soberpotamus

Acheleus, you should post whatever you feel like... if this is your place to vent, then vent. Don't apologize for being negative. This can be your sounding board.

People are just concerned and they want to help. They just want to know that you hear their suggestions, and that some of it's getting through.

I see you making good choices Keep it up.

Dee74

I don't think people are saying only post when you feel good.
There's no point to that IMO because it's when we feel bad we need the support.

I think folks are concerned for you (and AW) because you both have really massive mood swings and lot of 'catastrophization'.

D

AugustWest11

I will give ya that Dee; my moods are all over the place .. I actually can explain them thinking about it .. All depends on "who" comes here from work at night :p Usually .. I mean if the Ex. has decided she "likes" me enough to talk then I am usually upbeat .. But if she comes here all cold; her 'walls" up and such then I just swing right down .. cause .. well again don't wanna Hijack My Man Ach.s thread :p

foolsgold66

C'mon Ach, try to have a little thicker skin. FeenixxRising wasn't calling you out. He made an observation that you were negative a lot and it was pretty accurate. If you have negative things to say, say them, I think it could be important to figure out why you feel that way about school sometimes.

Got any pictures of that parrot? Does it talk?

Acheleus

Yeah it talked.

AugustWest11

What it say and what happened to it ??

Acheleus

I guess I just want to say I am not going to waste any one's time anymore on here. Maybe the town I am in, school, and my surroundings are viciously wrong for me right now, and I have no idea how to think about where I am or what I am doing, but I am going to the nature center tomorrow and to sleep now.

When a massively damaged person like me is just abandoned it takes a lot not to want to just finish me off with booze and cigarettes.

jaynie04

Auggie and Ach.....sorry but it has a nice ring to it and you both sound like cool young guys. I learned something thanks to AO today....I have been in a rut and I am so frustrated with myself, I just can't seem to get motivated. AO was kind enough to post something tonight about PAWS. Most of us know about DT's and sweats, but what I didn't know what that our motivation and pleasure receptors take a while to re-engage after we quit drinking. It was a big aha moment for me because I am really struggling with it.

I am used to being a type A (which is probably how I got in trouble in the first place, note to self), so being so unenthralled, uninspired, unmotivated feels awful. But I can't seem to get out of my own way. However, armed with the knowledge that this feeling will pass if I give it time, I can wait it out.

Acheleus, you aren't alone and you are most definitely not wasting my time. I gain a lot from reading where everyone else is at , whether you are up or down. See, it is a win-win. Please stick around.

jaynie04

August.....I think I sense a bit of a sense of humor beginning to poke through.....!

It could be worse, you could be like me and be so useless you can't even figure out how to get the smiley face to show up....I am still doing it the way I did when I was on a manual typewritter.

Of course, after I hit send it showed up....now I am trying to figure out what I did.....I think I need to go to Computer Failures Anonymous!

FeenixxRising

Acheleus, you know this already, but I’ll repeat it: I wasn’t criticizing you for posting negative comments. Rather, I was pointing out what I see as extreme negativity; that having such negative feelings about most things is often a matter of perception. And most of all, I was implying that it is possible for you to not have those feelings to such an extreme degree.

So it’s not an issue that you post about your negative outlook; but having an underlying negative outlook is damaging to you and will impede your recovery. In other words, if you can find a way to rid yourself of some of the baggage you’re carrying, you wouldn’t have the feelings that appear to keep you from enjoying some degree of contentment and happiness.

Unfortunately, “happiness” isn’t something that someone can give you, or at least give you for any length of time. Achieving contentment, peace-of-mind and happiness is something you (and all of us) have to work on, sometimes by using therapy, medical treatment, self-help books or simply working each day to focus on the positive things in life. Whatever the method, the motivation is the same, a desire to enjoy life. And the process is the same, the willingness to continuously work on moving toward a more positive outlook.

Truly, I hope you find a way to achieve some degree of contentment; going through life under what appears to be a very dark cloud isn’t something you have to endure.

EndGameNYC

You did include this in your comments, NR, but it's more about negative thinking and engaging the world on a negative plane than it is about unwanted feelings or anything else. Negative thinking typically starts early in life, and becomes more treatment-resistant the longer we practice it. In many cases, people come to identify the sum total of who they are with all the negativity. It is then that surrendering it becomes a threat, not just to a way of being, but a threat to the very existence of who I am.

People become intensely attached to their negativity, just as people form powerful bonds with their anxiety and depression, often to the extent that they'll go to any lengths to protect it. Even to the extent of reporting that they feel "okay" or "better" when they're not, and often accompanied by unfounded claims of learning how to harness their distress. Not very different from denial in alcoholism and attempts at moderating my drinking. It's an infinite loop that never gets better without professional help.

There are very specific psychotherapies for this that challenge our negative thinking, and which have demonstrated a great deal of success for decades. Any good clinician is trained in cognitive re-framing an other techniques, the goal of which is to makeover our entire way of thinking without also annihilating the self. As is true with alcoholism, you need to be honest with yourself and truly want things to change for the better. But we can only lead a horse to water.

Essentially, if we habitually think our lives, our world, our future and the people in our world are schit, guess what?

Soberpotamus

Acheleus... did you ever get that book I mentioned a few months ago? The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook? It's good stuff.

jaynie04

Hi August, Hi Ach....checking in to see how you guys are?

AugustWest11

I am worn after work :p sore but good ..

EndGameNYC

Good news. Much better than sore and drinking.

Good to see you hanging in there, August.

AugustWest11

Trying to put in the good fight

Marcher13

Acheleus I remember wishing you well when you started teaching a few weeks ago so I've been thinking about this post on and off all weekend (it's Sunday afternoon where I live).

If school and teaching are so dreadful then what's keeping you there? I don't think that you'll magically find happiness or sobriety by leaving school but why stay if it's such a nightmare? You're what, in your twenties? You don't have financial responsibilities or financial dependents? Then do something else. I would strongly urge you to find something else to do and somewhere else to live before leaving school but it's certainly an option.

What would you like to do? Have you made any enquiries or done any research on opportunities for things you'd like to do?

mecanix

I wouldn't dissagree but i think people can also be giving , gentle and selfless , look at the people on this thread .

For me becoming aware of what my mind dwells on and deliberately thinking two positive thoughts for each negative helped change those habbitual patterns of thinking , where i used to spiral down into a pit , unable to get out of bed or get the energy to walk as far as the toilet so used a bucket instead or unable to get it together to shower .

My problem was in my head, i'd lived out my life untill it's dying day and i saw no change or things only getting worse . I'd really tried hard all my life and things just ended up falling apart , every time ... right up till my mid 30's ..

What did i do ? well i guess some people can't take it but i thought s*d it , i might be an alcoholic and a complete looser with whom everything he touches turns to rubbish , but i still laugh and the sky is pritty , just because i'm useless at the game society has set up and calls living , why should i be the one who is feeling so bad as to want to die , i didn't ask for any of this .

My peverse sence of humor cut in and i thought well if i'm the fall guy in the universes joke i may as well be laughing and just hang about to see what happens , there might be some belly laughs and the odd orgasm in my future so it might not be all bad ..

I'll be dead in the next 50 years anyhow and none of this will matter then at all , i'll be lucky if anyone even remotely remembers who i was other than a name on a few dusty bits of paper or computer files .

It was a hard won level of acceptance ... now 8 years later life is actually pritty good , just goes to show us humans are bad at telling or predicting the future ...

I dropped all the rubbish, moved on, the time of my life is passing , any moment , any second spent even asking myself questions is time in which i could have been doing something more interesting .. i know that can sound like denial but it is actually utter acceptance of this body and it's place in the world .

I didn't have to go anywhere , i didn't have to change anything . Just accept it , drop it or deal with it , then move on .

Bestwishes, m

Junegirl

Dear Ache,

Nobody is saying you shouldn't post, or that it bothers us. Not at all! That's what this place is for. I think people are just suggesting some work on changing the outlook on life...anyhow, that's not why I'm posting. I'm a parrot person too (two tiels and two parrotlets, had an indian ringneck for a few years too at one point. Lots of cleaning! :-) What did you have? You strike me as a cockatoo or African grey kind of parrot person.
Hope you find your peace with the teaching. I was born a teacher myself, but I was in a situation once where I had to quit after teaching in the place for only three months. I never went back to the school, not even to get my books and stuff. That's how bad it was. Anyway, that's all to say that sometimes you just have to walk away to be happy.
Take care, Ache, and keep posting.

June