Black Bird

Hi everyone! Hope you are all well. Today I am 24 days sober!

I go to two places for meetings. One place has twice a day and I like it there so much. The people are positive even if they are going through hard times.
The second place is the first place I ever went to. The first people I met, and they have meetings everyday. I am starting to feel strange about the meetings in the last place I mentioned. I just can't relate to the majority of the women there anymore.
They say the same problems over and over without using or speaking about the steps to solve them. The first two women who I had become close too are starting to show signs of a weird co dependent relationship. And they always want me to sit with them.
I know I can find other meetings, and I will. But I guess I'm wondering if this is normal, or am I just looking for things to annoy me?

I love the 12 steps. They are helping me stay sober, now I would like to stop smoking. I don't want to be any type of active addict. And I am trying to use the 12 steps for my smoking addiction. It is working so well with drinking, but it seems my brain won't except it for smoking! I don't know why.

Thanks for listening, I hope you all have a great day.

pinkdog

Hi black bird, great job on 24 days. The people at the meetings are all individuals. Everyone has issues. However, if you don't relate well with them, another meeting sounds like a good idea. I've been to very different groups. Find one that suits you best. One where the people have a good sobriety. Best wishes.

DylanS

Hi Black Bird - I dunno if you're looking for things to annoy you, I think only you can answer that.

But, I will say that meetings tend to attract like-minded folks. I go to a BB study that is pretty serious, so people serious about the program (the steps) and service go to this meeting. I went to a meeting where two women spent the entire meeting grooming each other like a couple of chimps - seriously, it was bizarre. At that same meeting, folks share how crazy they are (one woman shared how she was going to get a shot gun and shoot someone who emotionally hurt a family member; a guy shared that he was in a car accident and jumped out and screamed at the other driver until she broke down sobbing). I don't go to that meeting much at all.

I heard something: Thank God it's not Well People Anonymous; nevertheless, I tend to go to meetings like the BB study. Not because I'm some superior scholar, but because alcohol and my unmanageable life have brought me to my knees with just enough of an awareness of my condition to know that I need serious medicine (the spiritual program of action), not group therapy.

I also heard something else that might interest you (I think it was Bob D - listened to it on YouTube): God removes addictions and character defects in the order that they threatened his life. So, I dunno, maybe smoking could wait a few months?

HTH

Black Bird

Thanks Dylan. I go to a BB study too. And I love it!
I guess I should look at my issues. Like why am I letting this bother me? Why don't I just stop thinking about it and go to another meeting?
Idk? I don't want to fall into the thinking of, "I am not like these people." But something is depressing me about these meetings.

DylanS

Well, speaking only for myself: if I'm at the last stop on a greased slide to death and that last stop is looking like it's not gonna work, yeah, I'd get depressed. I'm really glad you've experienced some meetings that perhaps carry the real message of AA: the hope of recovery via the Program (there are a lot of people I think that stay sober only by going to meetings all the time, treating it like group therapy). God bless them. That won't do it for me. I have a mental obsession, a physical allergy, all rooted in a serious spiritual malady; I gotta have the spiritual program of action.

Your 4th step might help you uncover what's going on for you. I heard one speaker (Joe Hawk) share that he found out that he was actually jealous that some folks could do that (stay sober on the Fellowship), that they didn't have to work the steps, heh heh. I'm not saying that's what's going on with you, just that he said he figured that out in his 4th step.

Black Bird

Thanks Dylan. Helps to talk about it.

Skortha

Hi Blackbird Just read your post. What you are feeling re: others in the meeting is really normal....trust your judgement and don't forget: you will not connect with everyone you meet in the rooms. But do stay close to those that make you feel healthy and are good for your recovery. If you have to question it - walk away. Good for you for getting this far.

GracieLou

Congrats on 24 days. I still go to the same meetings I went at the beginning but I have to say my taste in people to hang with has changed.

When I first came in I clung to one lady. She was very nice and always made a point to say hi to me but the longer I was sober the less she appealed to me. She has two years sober and still has not completed her fourth step. She mentions about not talking to her sponsor in months.

This also goes for some others in the group that were very friendly and they still are but some of the comments they make just are not appealing to me. I don't want to say I have outgrown them but it does feel that way sometimes. I want to move forward and grow and some, although sober, have not changed or grown at all that I can see. They complain about the same problems, bitch about the same people and make the same comments over and over.

Now there are others that can see how hard I have been trying and can see the change in me. They have invited me to meetings outside the group and I am now a secretary at one of the groups and I am going to chair in October for another.

I am not trying to toot my horn, but I want what these people have. If I remain with the complainers and the whiners I will not grow.

Black Bird

I think your right Gracie Lou. There were invites at this meeting from one of these people to a selling party. Meaning, they are selling things like purses etc... And this person could not decide if she should provide alcohol. Even though half her guests are from AA. Lol Her and her sponser get into jealous fights. And they feel the need to tell me what to do at the table, and the advice has no step work in it at all. I just feel uncomfortable.
I rearanged my meetings so I won't be spending much time at this one. I love my other one. Thank goodness.