tzivia

I'm sorry, I was hijacking Jeepin's thread. I was going to start a thread tomorrow, but I had to do it now. I hope that's not against the rules. I'm drinking tonight, but tomorrow I will be sober. I know I need to stop, please help.

I quit last year, around June. I was sober for mostly a year, with just a few drinking episode that were small. Just one night. But the last few weeks I'm back to where I started. Drinking 6-12 drinks, 3-4 nights a week. And I don't know why, but I feel like it makes me happy. Like all is right with the world. Except tonight. I'm drinking, and disgusted with myself, I know I need to quite. Unlike most nights when I'm drinking, when I think I want to drink forever. Alcohol, I'll never leave you again. I don't know why I quit drinking.

Seriously, I think that. I talk to alcohol and tell it I love it. It has that hold on me as soon as I drink It.

Please help. I know you all will understand. And any suggestions are welcome, I will do whatever I can to stop drinking.

alphaomega

What are the mornings like when alcohol has used you up and left you hanging ?

freespirit86

Hi!
In my experience that one drink now and then gradually increases with time, not a set time or set drink amount, but once i have that one, and the next month another, i know that eventually it will be once a day, or all day in my case. I found that admitting i truly can not have just one helps alot. I still struggle often with the though of oh i can have just one, but i chose not to and it passes. Many times faster than i know. I make myself remember how bad it gets. I have over a year sober after 15 yrs of drinking. At 27 i am now sober and happy, though i still struggle, i know i will work through it. This site really does help also. its ultimately up to me to continue to use whatever is out there to stay on the path i want to truly be on. Best of luck and keep coming back here.

tzivia

Thanks, I appreciate your post.

The next morning leaves me feeling like hell. I know that, but I still do it. Not sure why. I guess I just want the happy feeling alcohol gives, and damn the consequences. I'll deal with them in the morning. It's like right now, this is what I need, and I'll have it no matter what. It's worth whatever I deal with in the morning. I think that now, tomorrow I'll sing a different tune.

freespirit86

I remember those days. It is a struggle within.

alphaomega

I remember feeling like that. And I remember what an old timer told me. You don't want sobriety enough yet. Because when you do, you will do absolutely anything to get and keep it. And I get it now. At the time when I was where you were at, it didn't make sense and frankly, I didn't want to have to hear it either because god damn it, it was killing my buzz.

Sometimes we have to do more field research.

Dee74

welcome back Tzivia

I think, if you're still thinking of drinking as a pleasurable experience, it's a much harder road to travel.

Do you have much support to stay sober?

I recommend really Allen Carrs Easy Way To Stop Drinking if you haven't already - it really challenged the way I thought about alcohol.

It might be called Easy Way to Control Alcohol in the US, but it's not a moderation book.
D

tzivia

Does anyone have any suggestions. A way to quit? I'll try AA, anything. I just want to stop this. I can't go on this way. I really hate drinking. I hate myself when I do it. Does anyone know a sure way to quit. I know that's impossible. That's there's not one way. But I'm hoping someone will suggest the way that's it for me. I do think I need face to face support. I've tried online only, but that's failed for me. Maybe AA? I can make the time, maybe once a week, if I need to.

Dee74

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

D

tzivia

Thanks Dee. I appreciate the links. I will be back on tomorrow, and I will check them all out.

tzivia

One of these days, I'll be one of those sober member that can give hope to the newcomers. It's my dream.

Kaneda8888

Why not try and go to an AA meeting ? They are free and there is no requirement to go back if it doesn't work for you. I've been going for about 2.5 months. I havent stopped completely yet to be honest but I have progressed a lot from where I was. It isn't a cult but as with any "club" you do get some very enthusiastic members The old timers there usually offer the better advice. My advice though is to try a few different meetings before reaching a conclusion.

LillianGish

I'm not in a position to give advice because I'm so new in recovery, but two things are giving me enormous comfort tonight.

1). Accepting that I am powerless against alcohol because of my disease. So just like I can't eat shellfish because I'm allergic to it, I cannot consume alcohol. Alcohol will literally kill me.

2) Success or failure is completely within my control. No luck, don't need to depend on anyone else. I decide what happens.

I'm trying AA this week.

Hang in there.

Eddiebuckle

tzivia, all I can say is for me I was only able to "stay stopped" by going to AA. Go online, search "AA meetings" and your city, and get to a meeting tomorrow. When you get there, simply say your name (you don't have to say you are an alcoholic, you can say "my names tzivia and I'm glad to be here") and say it's your first meeting. Listen to what people are saying and see if you can identify. You have nothing to lose but an hour of your time.

If there is a beginners meeting available, check it out even if its a little farther away or a less convenient time.

Good luck, you can do this.

tzivia

I've gone to a couple AA meetings. I liked it, but most people were just there because they were court ordered and had to get papers signed. I think I should try a smaller meeting. Where the people going really want to quit or are trying. I should definitely try a new meeting.

tzivia

Thanks. I do appreciate all your thoughts. I think I need to find a better meeting for me. I will definitely look into it. I have read the AA book and agree with it. I think I just need to find a smaller meeting for me, so I can find a sponser and really get into the steps. I was against AA after my first experience, but it might be the way to go if I can find a smaller meeting. I will keep you all updated.

tzivia

Thanks Eddiebuckle, I will definitely try AA again. I do think I need to do the work to stay sober. Thanks for your perspective. I will keep you all updated.

freshstart57

Hi tzivia. The thought of what you are about to do is terrifying, and we all understand that simply because we have stepped out into the abyss too. As you read our stories, you will see that we each of us has found our own way forward, just as you will do. It will be similar in some ways to some, and different to others, but you can do this and you will succeed.

When I first quit, I stayed quit by finally realizing and understanding I didn't have to drink anymore. I thought I did, I thought I had to be drinking all the time, but really I was wrong. Nothing bad happened to me when I stopped, and I didn't go insane.

In fact, things got better day by day, and I used each success to drive that new idea deeper into my brain - I don't have to go through this pain anymore. I can be free.

You can too, tzivia. Life will be better when you get rid of the alcohol for good, and it will be better in special ways unique to you. Make your decision to choose sobriety, and then make choices to make that decision as easy as possible for yourself.

Never look back, and best to you on your journey. Onward!

Soberpotamus

The way I quit was just knowing deep down it was over. I'd had enough. Something inside me clicked, and I just knew drinking was no longer an option if I wanted to have a decent life.

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

MythOfSisyphus

Drinking feels great! While you're drunk you're unstoppable, and all is right with the world. The problem is that the high gets shorter and the aftermath gets worse. The balance of pleasure to pain gets more and more lopsided until it's almost all pain. When you think there's nothing left for booze to take from you, you're usually wrong...there's always more to lose.

But you already know this! The part of your brain that's really "you" realized this truth! That's why you quit in the first place.

SR is a great resource, if you're truly ready to get off the ride.