Sober & single...
 

So iam newly single after a 6 year relationship I met her drunk in a bar lol in fact I have met most my exes in bars or clubs etc.. I know it's a stupid thing to be thinking as my priority is staying sober. But iam worried I will find it hard to meet someone new now iam staying sober iam only 30 so most singles are out in bars pubs etc or is that just my alcoholic brain talking...

im 22 and single and have no idea how to meet a bird etc ?? really hope I can find a nice woman one day

Wisely, it is suggested that the newly sober wait a year to start a relationship. Accumulate some sober time first, Lion, then worry about meeting someone. In the meantime, start meeting new sober friends.

A long time ago, pre internet, pre mice, it was strongly suggested that no new relationships be started for at LEAST a year. Our primary goal was to get and STAY sober. Handling a relationship is akin to swimming and driving a auto at the same time for someone trying stay sober. Ok cry softly but take care of #1. BE WELL

Don't worry too much, remember all the drunk arguments and realise you wouldn't keep a good one together if you carried on.
You'll soon get into meeting people you might just need another sort of courage and quick wit to work out where to go.
How bad do you want/need sobriety,
John.

I still think the 1 year sober mark is a good point to begin to start seriously looking for a relationship...no matter sexual persuasion, ethnicity, or religion.

Sobriety and clean time is a way of life not an end goal.

Well now I'm a year sober so I can start a relationship...not really

More like: I'm a year sober...I am committed to abstinence...I've accepted I have an illness...I might have a sponsor, home group, set meetings I'm going to.

I am helping people in NA, AA, Alanon, other ways...

I now think I am healthy enough to have some decent relationships based on sobriety, honesty, caring, etc.

I want to invite people in to my life....my sobriety isn't missing anything that I need to supplant with a person.

And just like millions of other people some dates won't work out....we might get hooked up for a couple months and it doesn't work....or there is that one special person.

Best to you all....from this old man!

If I meet a women and we click iam not going to turn round and say actually iam really sorry iam 10 months sober ill call you in 2 months lol...

maybe not but how bout we be friends for the next several months and take it further after there.....a lot can happen for you in sobriety....from the neck up...in a couple more months....

You get to rub that 1 year chip under the table looking at her 'cross the table and think, "wow."

I think you will know when it's the right time to start a new relationship.

Have you changed any activities in your life? Volunteer work is a good place to meet sober people, or maybe take a course in something you're interested in. There are lots of places to meet sober women.

I'm with you Lion. As long as the other person knows your story.. and possibly doesn't drink themselves. Why wait? I think it can help someone stay sober as much as people say it could hurt.

Given my many replases in my late 20s -early 30s it is not stupid at all to think your #1 priority is to stay sober.

Let me tell you something brother (goin Hulkamania here haha) I live in a college town surrounded by pretty young things in their short shorts and yoga pants. Christ, I work in an office inside a freshman dorm.

I'm 33 and single. It's hell. But guess what, you will not find a suitable girl inside a bar or clubs. Doin that route will find you and closest people in unfavorable situations with unfavorable people.

Keep the faith. If you are real inside and out sober you will find someone who will love you for you.

Trust me on that.

Now, I'm not a handsome man. The bar scene never really worked for me, I needed to talk to them to generate interest. Still, meeting women is not a problem. You just have to approach it as all single women, not just the drunk ones, are fair game.

Rock concerts... Amazing, don't guys go to concerts? I think we let the girls pick the groups too much sometimes. They all think my taste in music sucks because I like older classic rock, R&B, and jazz. I like the new stuff too, but when you're collecting (I have 600+ CDs so far) and you're comparing the better music of the last 50 years to the better music of the last 5, it does mean if someone doesn't like older music they will not like my collection.

Fav new addition, vinyl pressing of the 1959 master of Miles Davis, Kind of Blue (not sure when the run occurred, they had re-releases of the vinyl in like 1995 and 2002. Blows away the 20-bit remaster CD, but both are excellent. He didn't give them music, just some scales and no practice. They even got the 1 song on the 1st take, they're just brilliant.

"I met her drunk in a bar"

I met my boyfriend in a bar four years ago--now I have been sober for forty two days and he still is going to bars and getting drunk so the end of our relationship is near--I have no desire to get into another relationship ever again--whether I am drunk or sober

Have to say almost all of my relationships were either started or consummated WAY too early as a result of alcohol. Hell..at 3 months sober I still don't know who the hell I truly am so why bring anyone on in to perhaps try to define me before I have? Beside I'm still find everyday life a possible "trigger"...add the wild emotional ride of a new relationship? No freakin' way.

I was in a relationship and even engaged while on my drinking binges, than tried becoming sober, blah blah blah... Thinking back, I am glad that I broke off the engagement, but now I am also stuck. I am 25, really focusing on my sobriety, yet those thoughts run ramid often; what if this or what if that ... All I know is that, I am not responsible for my first thought, but I am responsible for my next action. If and when my Higher Power, God, wants me to be with someone who will respect me for me IN my sobrity; be there to encourage me and not tear me down, I guess it is worth the wait.

That's your AV talking thinking most singles are in bars :) I also used to meet all my exes in bars purely because I never really spent time anywhere else so law of averages says I would.

In sobriety when you'redoing a whole host ofsober activities you'll have loads of opportunities to meet single, sober people. The gym, tennis club, church,community activities, work, volunteer work, heck even the supermarket at 7.00 in the morning when all the drunken people are in bed :)

I know you're early on in sobriety so maybe haven't started new activities yet but you will. Give it time. I don't agreewith the 1 year rule but do think time needed on us as individulas to grow and feel comfortable in sobriety before even thinking of another relationship. I know I've rushed from one to another,jumped in too soon and it's ended in disaster. All drink related

I am almost 11 months sober. And single. During this sobriety time I've realized I am not ready for new relationships until I accept myself completely, come to terms with all my merits and faults, and stop seeking other people's approval, and looking for my soul mate to fill emptiness inside and save me from loneliness.

As for where to meet a partner - I've been recently asked out twice in my fitness club)

Best wishes, take care of yourself and your sobriety.

I'm kind of in the same boat. I actually tried a couple days ago to go with a friend to a club sober and honestly it wasn't bad at all, aside from my friend getting belligerent. I learned two things from that night; 1. Hanging out with drunks suck (borderline friendship ending night) 2. Not all clubs/lounges are filled to hilt with people getting drunk. You just need to be a lot more selective of the places you goto, UNLESS a club creates too much of a temptation for you. For me it didnt, but I could definitely understand how it would for someone.

I'm in the same boat. I'm 29 and single (have been for over four years due to my abuse of alcohol keeping me at home) and now that I'm starting my sober journey I'm just looking forward to learning who I am, what I enjoying doing again and making a new group of friends who will be supportive of my choice. I hadn't heard of the one year rule until coming to this site but I think it's a good idea. Let all of us singles stay strong in our journey!

Believe it or not, the people who visit bars are also in other locations during other parts of the day. :)

People are everywhere.

J.

P.S. Speed Dating might be cool to do. I'm planning to go to an SD event once I'm recovered enough.