Sick, tired, foolish, awful .... Still/again
 

Been a really rough day. I've been drinking since the breakup heavily. My skin is awful, splotchy, red marks, stretch marks, cellulite. My thighs and belly are fatter than ever, my whole body is soft. I ache. I am slowly dying and I'm only 27.

I've been drunk dialing friends and even my dad and my exes and barely remembering.

I'm dog sitting for four friends and I drank all three bottles (which were half filled) of theirs in three days.

My withdrawals were so bad this morning that I almost called am ambulance. I've been to the hospital once before but even with insurance it was $3000 for a three day stay. Without insurance, $16,000. I can't. ..

Doing better now, but. .... sigh.

Calling around now to see about getting assistance with a detox. I try to wean or taper down and I fail every time. I feel suicidal at times. I know my roommate is catching on to my sneak drinking.

I give up and admit I need help before I hurt myself or someone else by stupidity.

I am sorry you are feeling that bad.

I do hope you can get some asssistance with the detox.

It will get better, stay in there and be strong.

I keep reading about ' health insurance' - I hope anyone reading from the UK, realises how LUCKY we are to have the NHS!!

Ahh bless it's really bad that you guys have to pay so much. I feel really helpless as to how to advise anyone outside the uk on medical help because I have no idea how it works over there. Is there no charities or anything to help addicts?

I pretty much take health care for granted and even Moan about it sometimes but this puts it in perspective.

Anyway I can only echo my sympathy towards you and I hope somehow you can get the help to get yourself better. You must have hope or else I doubt you'd be here. It's time to pull on every last wee fibre of that hope and get through this - your young (same age as me give a year) and you are far too young to be given up on! It's easy for me to say - but you can do this and you need to believe that there's better for you to come. Keep posting we will all try and help you.

Hi Genesu,

Yeah, this stuff is serious. Admitting you need help is a big step. There is hope, and you can do this, even if you don't realize it yet. A lot of people here have gone through this and you can too! Wishing you all the best.

In the US no one is denied health care. Go to the emergency room. They can not turn you away. When they bill you just pay what you can afford each month. They have no choice. If you need help, you can go to any hospital. If you want to do it on your own, maybe you could get a friend or family member to stay with you. Either way, you need to quit drinking.