Floweringthyme

I have never posted on here but read many of the threads and taken support and advice from them in the past, I feel absolutely at the end of my tether with my alchoholic husband and don't know what to do for the best anymore...

I have supported him time and time again when he has managed to stay sober for a few weeks at a time, these periods are getting shorter and shorter. Tonight I received a phone call from a neighbour who had found him lying out the back having vomited over himself and unable to stand.

I have all his keys, credit cards and have been trying to watch over him 24hrs a day which I know is not healthy but gives me a little piece of mind at times. I left him for 30 minutes today following him being sober for 7 days and this is what I returned to.

I don't know what to do to help him out of this hell hole that he is dragging us both further into. When sober he is desperate to stop for good but he seems unable to summon the stenght to beat it.

I a worried sick about him and love him with all my heart, it's so painful and soul destroying watching him do this to him and to us.

I know that it's really up to him to change but I feel better getting it off my chest and speaking with people who have similar experiences.

Many thanks

FT

Raider

You need to get yourself into alanon. You have to take care of you and your health. Praying.

Floweringthyme

Thanks Raider, that's on my to do list for tomorow, can I go along to these meetings with him or does he have to go alone?

Raider

This meeting is for you not him. Also check out Celebrate Recovery at your local Church. It's not just for addictions. It is for all hang ups, habits and hurt. It is a faith based 12 step program. They can help. I go to it I prefer it over AA because the higher power is Jesus Christ.

Floweringthyme

Thanks, I'll have a look into that.

Is there anything else that I can suggest to him to try??

Raider

Well I'll put it this way, I'm fighting for my own sobriety. I think my husband has a drinking problem but that's not for me to diagnose. I can say to him, don't drink in front of me. Like you could say, don't pass out on the lawn, that's unacceptable. You can't stop him, he has to want to stop. You can set some boundaries. But you can't stop him. I'm sorry.

Dee74

Hi FloweringThyme

I think you'll get a lot out of alanon.

To be frank, and hopefully not too blunt, all this effort you're putting into your husbands sobriety is admirable - but it's not worth a whit if he's not working on it too.

whats are his efforts like?

least

Your husband has to want to get sober for himself. All your effort is for naught if he doesn't want it too. You can suggest all you want but until he desires sobriety for himself there's not much you can do.

Floweringthyme

Thank you all for responding, yes you are right, there is little point in me doing all of this if he doesn't want to stop himself. When sober he is desperate to stop and has spoken with counsellors, his GP, takes medications prescribed to help but seems unable to get away from it. He is at a very low ebb at the moment with various other external factors going on around him at the moment (which I know is not an excuse, but doesn't help things much either). I suppose I'm just finding it really really tough to try and take a step back and let him deal with this mess he has made himself rather than trying to always make things better/ appear better?!

Dee74

Thats where alanon could help you I think - it's all about what you can do for yourself by stepping back.

What is Al-Anon and Alateen? | Psych Central

It may even help your husband too - letting him, hopefully, pick up the burden of change.

D

Soberpotamus

This might help him. I know it helped me when my husband did this. But even if he doesn't respond, you'll need to take care of you. The Alanon suggestion might be a good one.

Floweringthyme

Thanks Dree74, I see there is one local to me on tonight, I will go along, can my husband come too or is it just for partners/ other family
Members rather than the alcoholic?

Floweringthyme

Thanks SB, I'm very grateful
For all of your advice and nice to feel less 'alone'. My family are all aware of my
Husbands problems and try to help as much as they can but it still feels very lonely at times

Soberpotamus

You are never alone here on SR.

Mentium

If your husband says he wants to do something about this when he is sober but can't do it on his own you might suggest AA in one of those sober moments. If you have checked them out locally (meeting times are easily available on the net) and you are ready with the information he just might go for it. You could even drive him to a meeting.

All the very best with your predicament Flowering.

Louise82

Al-Anon is for you only, I believe. If your husband wants to start going to AA (which is as good a starting point as any since he desperately wants to quit), you can go with him to "open" AA meetings, but I'd suggest also going to Al-Anon alone for yourself. I only know how to find out about open AA meetings in London but I think that if your husband Google's "AA Helpline in [wherever you live]" and phones the helpline, they'll be able to tell him where the nearest meetings are and what time they're on.

Dee74

To be honest I'm not in AlAnon, and have never been - I was the alcoholic



This might answer a few of your questions tho :

Al-Anon Family Groups District 5

generally 'open' meetings your husband would be welcome at but 'closed' meetings are just for you.

D

ReadyAtLast

ALanon is for you. Perhaps you could suggest AA meetings for your husband. As others have said though it doesn't matter how much YOU want him to get sober. He has to want to get sober for himself. Unless and until he is committed to and wants sobriety nothing you can or will do will make him stop

I'm sorry you're going through this but agree it's importantyou start looking after YOU

Floweringthyme

Thank you very much all, this gives me a little hope and somewhere to start from, I'll see about al anon and he can find out about aa and hopefully things will be a little bettertoday than they were yesterday

Raider

Flowering,

You didn't cause it
You can't control it
You can't cure it

Yale care of you. Check out Celebrate Recovery at Church for YOU!!!