Sober in my 20s
Sober in my 20s
I am twenty five and decided to stop drinking back in July. My husband was concerned and I was tired of feeling sick and irresponsible. We want to have kids in the future and I was becoming increasingly worried about my health. I have not had a drink in 45 days.
Here's the tricky part, I expected cravings. I have struggled with anxiety my whole life and abused alcohol for the past several years to cope. But I did not expect to run into alcohol SO much in my social life. My friends drink a lot and while they are trying to be understanding, they say things like "Just let me know when you're drinking again." My husband has gone to dinners and outings with me and told people that he was not drinking as well and then he gets pressure too. He is in law school and his friends drink pretty outrageously.
Lately I feel like I'm a failure and that if I could have learned to control myself I could still go out and drink socially like any other 25 year old. I mean I live in Chicago for cryin out loud! But I know that while what I have chosen is not easy, I'm much better off physically and mentally than I was. Any thoughts on feeling ashamed and stressed of recovering at 25?
Thanks.
Here's the tricky part, I expected cravings. I have struggled with anxiety my whole life and abused alcohol for the past several years to cope. But I did not expect to run into alcohol SO much in my social life. My friends drink a lot and while they are trying to be understanding, they say things like "Just let me know when you're drinking again." My husband has gone to dinners and outings with me and told people that he was not drinking as well and then he gets pressure too. He is in law school and his friends drink pretty outrageously.
Lately I feel like I'm a failure and that if I could have learned to control myself I could still go out and drink socially like any other 25 year old. I mean I live in Chicago for cryin out loud! But I know that while what I have chosen is not easy, I'm much better off physically and mentally than I was. Any thoughts on feeling ashamed and stressed of recovering at 25?
Thanks.
I'm 29 and I struggle with this too. There's SO much pressure to drink out there especially in social situations, and I feel self-conscious sometimes going to social events where people will be drinking heavily. I don't want the temptation and I don't want to be looked at as "weird" because I don't drink.
I really want to stress this point though--you are NOT a failure!!! You are very smart and have NO reason to be ashamed. You are figuring out very early on that drinking is just not for you, and a lot of the friends you have who get smashed every weekend will end up alcoholics (if they aren't already) and will suffer greatly later in life.
I don't think there's a single person here that doesn't wish they could go back, and stop drinking and being sick earlier in life. You are very lucky in that you have already gone the sober route.
If you and your bf have been pretty heavy drinkers in the past, it makes sense that your social group also consists of heavy drinkers. Now that you are sober, you've kind of lost that connection with them. You might need to reach out to other people who are sober, and find other activities to do besides going out and getting drunk. I'm not saying you need to stop being friends with your current friends, it's just that relationships change sometimes if the only thing you had in common with them is drinking.
I used to think, geez I live in Wisconsin, how can I survive being sober in this crazy beer-loving state? lol. But then someone at a meeting told me something that changed my view on this, he said "yes there is a lot of heavy drinking around here, but that also means there's a big recovery community here." So there were all these sober people to socialize with--I just hadn't seen them because I had purposely surrounded myself with people who drank, and that's all I knew.
But there's this whole other world out there. I'm early in my recovery so I've only just begun to explore it.
I really want to stress this point though--you are NOT a failure!!! You are very smart and have NO reason to be ashamed. You are figuring out very early on that drinking is just not for you, and a lot of the friends you have who get smashed every weekend will end up alcoholics (if they aren't already) and will suffer greatly later in life.
I don't think there's a single person here that doesn't wish they could go back, and stop drinking and being sick earlier in life. You are very lucky in that you have already gone the sober route.
If you and your bf have been pretty heavy drinkers in the past, it makes sense that your social group also consists of heavy drinkers. Now that you are sober, you've kind of lost that connection with them. You might need to reach out to other people who are sober, and find other activities to do besides going out and getting drunk. I'm not saying you need to stop being friends with your current friends, it's just that relationships change sometimes if the only thing you had in common with them is drinking.
I used to think, geez I live in Wisconsin, how can I survive being sober in this crazy beer-loving state? lol. But then someone at a meeting told me something that changed my view on this, he said "yes there is a lot of heavy drinking around here, but that also means there's a big recovery community here." So there were all these sober people to socialize with--I just hadn't seen them because I had purposely surrounded myself with people who drank, and that's all I knew.
But there's this whole other world out there. I'm early in my recovery so I've only just begun to explore it.
Hi Rose
those pressures kept me drinking, a lot longer than they should have, I lost a lot and wasted a lot of years.
Eventually I decided my recovery was more important than anything else - I changed my life, from the ground up - anything I needed to do to make staying sober easier I did it.
It sounds like a huge ask - but the rewards were enormous. The best move I ever made.
I gave being sober a decent go - now I love being sober...I can go anywhere and do anything because I'm living my life the way I prefer it to be.
Do you have any support outside of your husband and SR?
D
those pressures kept me drinking, a lot longer than they should have, I lost a lot and wasted a lot of years.
Eventually I decided my recovery was more important than anything else - I changed my life, from the ground up - anything I needed to do to make staying sober easier I did it.
It sounds like a huge ask - but the rewards were enormous. The best move I ever made.
I gave being sober a decent go - now I love being sober...I can go anywhere and do anything because I'm living my life the way I prefer it to be.
Do you have any support outside of your husband and SR?
D
I have discussed it with my parents and sister and they have been extremely supportive. I'm looking for a counselor to speak with so that I don't put so much pressure on my family and can include some professional advice. Right now, I have not looked into aa at all. I now I see mixed thoughts on whether or not aa is necessary for recovery. I guess I'd just rather talk to a counselor one on one. Don't know if that's a terrible idea. I work with kids and find myself super embarrassed and paranoid. I also really want to make sure that I haven't caused any long lasting issues for my sweet husband. I don't want my addiction to be a part of our life anymore.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
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You're doing the right thing by being sober in your 20s. You'll be able to really enjoy -- and remember! -- the best times of your life. If you think you had issues with drinking at 25, you'll surely have them at 30 and 35 if you don't stop.
Sobriety in your twenties is hard. I am in my mid thirties now but I quit drinking the first time at 25. I got heavily involved in AA and lasted 5 years in the program without a drop but one day I just decided I wasn't an alcoholic anymore so back to it and well here I am so you can guess how that worked out. But it was hard not drinking as a young person. There will always be temptation...you can't go anywhere it seems anymore where alcohol isn't in your face. I travel alot for my job and they send me free drink tickets in the mail all the time but I just give them away.....great way to make friends on the plane. Now that I am a little older I don't really care if people give me a hard time. I usually just make up an excuse why I am not drinking....my favorite right now is I am on a diet. One look at me and no one will argue that's not a good idea. Usually it's not a problem. 45 days.....Great job!
27 here, soon to be 28, and I drinking is not an option for me any longer. I suggest trying to find people who like to hike, fish, explore the world, surf, etc. I'm not sure where these people are, I live in a college town where is booze is everywhere. I think we are better off getting sober in our 20s.
I'm nearly 24. I first entered recovery at 21. A lot of people said I hadn't had enough consequences as a result of my drinking/using and that I wouldn't be successful in my recovery. A lot of the comments were something along the lines of 'You've got the whole of your 20's to mess around and party'. My addiction had gone from being incredibly social to me sitting alone in the corner of a flat staring at the window thinking 'they' were coming to get me. It wasn't all that fun. I got clean at 22. And now with a bit of clean time under my belt people always tell me they wish they had 'got sobriety' in their 20's.
It's hard being young and in recovery from a social point of view. I turn down a lot of invites out to places if I know there is increased risk. I'm not a recluse, I just choose my nights out very wisely. I do go to clubs/bars very very infrequently. At this stage of my recovery it's something I am comfortable with. I'm one of the youngest people in my area to go to 12-step meetings and I'm proud of that fact. We all hit rock bottom at different points in my life. I hit mine early. I'd rather have done it now than later.
Natom
It's hard being young and in recovery from a social point of view. I turn down a lot of invites out to places if I know there is increased risk. I'm not a recluse, I just choose my nights out very wisely. I do go to clubs/bars very very infrequently. At this stage of my recovery it's something I am comfortable with. I'm one of the youngest people in my area to go to 12-step meetings and I'm proud of that fact. We all hit rock bottom at different points in my life. I hit mine early. I'd rather have done it now than later.
Natom
I got sober at the age of 17 many years ago. If you are an alcoholic, there is no such thing as moderation. Once an alcoholic, always and alcoholic. Not drinking hasn't kept me from having fun and sociable, just the opposite. When I was drinking, it was only about the drinking.
I got sober with The help of Alcoholics Anonymous through The Twelve Steps. I didn't drink through my 20's, 30's, 40's, and now in my 50's. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't of survived anyway. My daughter lives in Chicago. In all my visits, Chicago is still a lot of fun not drinking.
I got sober with The help of Alcoholics Anonymous through The Twelve Steps. I didn't drink through my 20's, 30's, 40's, and now in my 50's. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't of survived anyway. My daughter lives in Chicago. In all my visits, Chicago is still a lot of fun not drinking.
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