Losing friends
 

Yesterday was day four for me. I think I may have lost a friend last night, the person who most encouraged me to get sober.

He knows what I've been going through, the withdrawals, the emotional turmoil of realizing my problems. In the 4 days I have been sober, he has tried to drink in my presence twice, and came to my house right after a bar last night. The first two times I just asked him not to for now (while in my company), that I was too tempted being around it and needed to keep my distance. I told him how important it is for my sobriety right now. He balked, but agreed.

So last night he comes by, smelling of a bar, telling me about how he's been hanging out at MY old bar. He's not a barfly. I asked him to refrain and he balked again. Things got heated to the point where I had to tell him to leave. And now he's insisting on an apology.

Am I being unreasonable expecting this from him?

No, you are not being unreasonable. Unfortunately losing some friends is part of sobriety. In my experience, the people that do not respect your decisions are not true friends.

You need to concentrate and put your energies into you right now, if he's a true friend he will give you the space and time you need, and also be available should you need his advice, friendship.

Honestly if that's him being a "friend" he won't be too much of a loss cuppycakes.

The first time I quit drinking when I was a lot younger, the same thing happened to me. I found out who my real friends were.

A close friend came to visit me in treatment when she was high, and when I asked her not to visit me in that condition I never saw her again.

I don't think that asking someone to respect your boundaries by not being around you when they are drinking is unreasonable at all. But if you're asking them to avoid your old bar, that's unreasonable.

That's not a friend that's someone who wants to see you down. He probably was urging you to get sober so he could feel superior to you: the drunk and now that you are he is trying to sabotage you. For all you know, he has a bet going on how long you will last without drinking or whatever.
This man is NOT a friend. A friend would not drink in front of you in early sobriety. A friend would drop in with some sport drinks or vitamins so you can stay hydrated. A friend would spend a quiet evening with you watching TV with non alcoholic drinks. A friend would be concerned about your shaking etc.

I say good riddance to a bad apple. Once you are more ensconced in your sobriety and start doing sober activities, you will meet a new crowd and make some real friends.

Hello....he's not a real friend.:giveup

He's testing you.

What a tool.

Personally, I would wave him off with a big grin. He sounds like a total plank.

Oh no, I didnt address the part about which bar he went to with him. I just mentioned it because it seemed kind of purposeful on his part, as if he was TRYING to get my there. He doesn't normally frequent bars at all. In fact, he's not a big drinker, either. Which is why it seem intentional to me. And why it puzzles me so.

I could almost understand if he was losing a drinking buddy. But he's not a big drinker normally. It just doesn't make sense to me.

He's got issues:)

I think you did what should have been done. You should be proud of yourself. It's nice this person encouraged your sobriety, but clearly they were not going to support this long term. You don't need to be undermined in your first days of sobriety.

Thanks, guys. I think I knew this but really needed to hear it from someone else. Very much appreciated.

Friends don't sabotage their friends and balk when asked to stop.

H---, no!

He's being a jerk. Probably confronted on some level inside of himself that he may also have a problem. One day he may come to you apologizing and asking for advice.

You definitely deserve a break from this individual in any case. Good call on your part, and KUDOS to you for not getting sucked into his b.s.

Weird. Very weird. That kinda has me stumped, too.

But he's still a jerk ;)